


Another Ship

by IAmTuteck



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Drama, Blind Character, Blood Drinking, Canon-Typical Violence, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Divorce, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hot Springs & Onsen, Inappropriate Professional Relationships, Jake English is Too Easy To Dunk On, Licking, M/M, Multi, NaNoWriMo, NaNoWriMo 2019, Non-Explicit Nudity, Non-Explicit Sex, Original Character(s), Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Terezi Pyrope, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Rainbow Drinkers, Sensory Deprivation, Typing Quirks, non-sexual physical intimacy, post-epilogue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 10:22:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 53,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21297887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmTuteck/pseuds/IAmTuteck
Summary: In a world of infinite possibilities and infinite branching choices, we have an exploration of one such branch not taken. What if Terezi did not join Dirk on his ship, instead choosing to join up with Kanaya and her crew in pursuit of him?A Successful NaNoWriMo 2019 project being continued until it is finished. Chapters will be posted as they are completed.This is an exercise in engaging in fandom after a long, long period of passive observance.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, John Egbert/Terezi Pyrope, Kanaya Maryam/Terezi Pyrope
Comments: 15
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

John Egbert is dead. He is not only dead in the metabolic sense, but the diegetic sense. He is no longer a living, breathing part of the narrative of our lives.

You are not okay with that.

Your name is TEREZI PYROPE and you are not getting on that fucking ship.

At least, not in this version of events. You are well enough versed in the sort of time shenanigans you would usually associate with Dirk or Aradia to know that out there somewhere there is likely a Terezi making far worse life choices, but right now, despite the rage and fury of an orange sounding narrator on a spaceship not-too-far away, you have elsewhere to be. You are will be getting on a different spaceship with a different group of emotionally stunted peers.

You do not know what it is Dirk had planned for you or Egbert's body, but you are fairly certain you would not approve of the outcome. Frankly, while you aren't necessarily happy at the thought, you'd rather lose John to him simply staying dead than to whatever machinations Dirk may have for his remains.

The preparations for the takeoff are made in great haste. There is a non-zero possibility of Jane wanting to involve herself and, based on what you heard from John, her involvement would introduce, if nothing else, untold unnecessary drama, and given everything the drama quota on the ship is likely far past at this point.

Kanaya, despite her nerves and general distraught demeanor, or perhaps because of it, cannot suppress her need to bring a certain level of "Aesthetic" to their mode of transportation. Standard from Jake's factory the ship has an air of Steampunk Adventures of Old Men With Rifles in Far Off Lands. She does not understand the purpose of the mounted beast heads on the walls.

Kanaya, who seems to feel the same, is in the process of unbolting them from the walls and discarding them. It seems a weird priority given the urgency of the situation, but elsewhere fueling and launch prep is going on, and there is little Kanaya or the rest of the soon-to-be crew on this venture can do to be productive in the meantime, so there's little harm in it.

KANAYA: Honestly It Feels Like The Sort Of Wasteful Excess I Would Have Expected From Highbloods Back On Alternia, Not The "Civilized" Humans Of Earth C.  
TEREZI: 1 M34N 1 C4N S33 4 C3RT41N 4PP34L   
TEREZI: BUT TH3 SP4C3 COULD PROB4BLY B3 US3D B3TT3R.

Kanaya walks over to the loading bay door with poise and purpose of action. She flings the head of a porkbeast with the might of a daywalking blood-sucking creature of legend, before returning to a stance of calm and grace. The sound of the preserved head shattering against the wall of the docking bay only accented the forced look of calm determination on Kanaya's face.

KANAYA: Quite. Terezi Is There Any Cargo You Need To Prepare For Our Journey?

Cargo. You are reminded that you have not told them about the John Egbert, their John Egbert, in the wallet in your back pocket. Again, it seems likely a potential source of unnecessary drama that you would probably be best served avoiding. There is a chance they would want to have a Human Funeral and in turn have Emotions and put the body in a hole in the ground. You tell yourself you certainly don't have time to deal with their emotional fallout if you do not have time to deal with your own. You quiet the mild pang of panic that accompanies the thought of your friends possibly insisting on the relinquishing of the body.

TEREZI: NO   
TEREZI: 1 SURV1V3D ON B4S1C4LLY NOTH1NG 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3   
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 C4N DO W1THOUT 4NY P4RT1CUL4R LUXUR13S ON TH1S VOY4G3.  
KANAYA: Good To Hear. Could You Check On Jake And Make Sure Preparations For Launch Are Proceeding As Expected?   
KANAYA: He Has A Most Unfortunate Tendency For Getting Distracted When Not Tended To By A Responsible Adult.

TEREZI: LOOK H3 1S K1ND OF 4 GOOF BUT H3 1S 4 MOSTLY R3SPON1BL3 ADULT.

KANAYA: You Say That But I Have Had To Break Up No Fewer Than Three Sordid Makeout Sessions With The Dock Crew Today And Frankly In Addition To It Being Wholly Inappropriate Behavior For An Employer To Engage In With Their Staff We Do Not Have The Time Right Now And While I Would Not Wish Risking Walking In On That On A Friend If Someone Must Take The Risk I Feel The Friend Incapable Of Seeing Might Be The Best Candidate.

TEREZI: GOTCH4.   
TEREZI: S3ND TH3 BLIND G1RL TO R31GN 1N TH3 UNSTOPP4BL3 HUM4N L1B1DO.   
TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1 CAN ST1LL SM3LL, R1GHT?

But you are already leaving the ship as you voice your protests.

You are quite recently acquainted with the sounds and smells of human/troll relations and you know two rooms before you reach his office what it is you are going to be interrupting. It does not stop you. If anything it serves as motivation to push you forward. If this is going to be awkward, it is going to be awkward for all parties involved.

JAKE: My word!

Jake is fully involved with another teal-blooded troll, splayed out across his desk. If you couldn't smell the mess they were making it would still be apparent from the flush across her face.

TEREZI: J4K3 1F YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO DO TH4T POOR 4 JOB PL34S1NG YOUR P4RTN3R   
TEREZI: YOU COULD 4T L34ST B3 QU1CK 4BOUT 1T.   
TEREZI: W3 H4V3 4 SCH3DUL3 TO K33P 4ND 1 COULD H34R YOUR P4RTN3R F4KING MO4NS TWO ROOMS 4W4Y.

His partner scrambles to dismount the desk and reclothe herself. She's embarrassed, less for her present state (Terezi's blindness was well known as a matter of legend despite her long absence from Earth C) than the fact that you had accurately called her out for faking her enthusiasm. It was not her fault, of course, you had long prided herself on your ability to sniff out dishonesty.

Frankly, Terezi was more disappointed in Jake.

JAKE: You do know it is quite improper to enter a gentleman's office without knocking!   
JAKE: This is a place of important business.  
TEREZI: R34LLY? B3C4US3 1T SM3LLS L1K3 4 PL4C3 OF CH34P 4FT3RSH4V3 4ND D1SSAPO1NTM3NT.   
JUST B3C4US3 YOU H4V3 4N 4PP34L1NG 4SS   
DO3SN'T M34N YOU SHOULDN'T PUT 1N 3FFORT ONC3 YOU T4K3 4 P4RTN3R HOM3.

you neglect to mention the comparison running in her head, how Egbert managed to be a better fuck dying in the back of a car than Jake seemed to be in the comfort of his office. You told yourself it was because you were trying not to totally destroy him right before they took off.

TEREZI: 1 G3T W4NT1NG TO T4K3 4DV4NT4G3 OF MY P3OPL3 FOR ON3 L4ST S33D DUMP B3FOR3 L34V1NG ON 4 TR1P OF IND3T3RM1N4T3 DUR4T1ON   
TEREZI: BUT TH3 T1M3 4 UNLO4D1NG H4S P4SS3D.   
TEREZI: NOW 1S T1M3 TO LO4D UP.

There was a moment of shameful silence between you and him.

TEREZI: 1 KNOW 1 4M BL1ND BUT PULL UP YOUR P4NTS FOR FUCKS S4K3.

Jake mumbled apologies as he pulled his outfit together. He was still smeared in teal on his pants and his shirttails. As much as you feel an urgent need to get this show on the road you desperately hope he takes some of the remaining time before takeoff to grab a dip in the ablution trap and a change of garment. You are already worrying that the smell of fuck in this room is going to cling to you as you leave.

JAKE: There! I am as right proper as can be expected under the most improper of circumstances.   
JAKE: Now what in tarnation lead you to barge in on me while I was engaged in sexual congress with my floor manager?  
TEREZI: 4S1D3 FROM BR34K1NG UP SOM3 CL34R WORKPL4C3 M1SCONDUCT   
TEREZI: 1 C4M3 DOWN TO L3T YOU KNOW TH4T W3 4R3 4PPRO4CH1NG L4UNCH T1M3.   
TEREZI: CL34N YOURS3LF UP 4ND PR3P4R3 YOURSELF OR W3 W1LL L34V3 W1THOUT YOU.  
JAKE: Now hold on a minute that is my ship you are threatening to appropriate.  
TEREZI: 1 DO NOT M4K3 THR34TS 3NGL1SH.   
TEREZI: 1 M4KE MOT1ONS  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 C4RRY TH3M OUT.

You leave, turning on your heel. It's been a bit since you put the Legislacerator Steel in your tone but it comes back to you like riding a two-wheeled transportation device.

It is perhaps a small blessing that, despite similarities in appearance, Jake English is extremely NOT John Egbert. It might have made using the appropriate amount of terseness to get him motivated difficult otherwise.

You quicken your pace if only to try and keep English's fuck-stank from clinging to you.

You return to the ship. Kanaya is fraying at the ends, which to be fair is the state in which you are most accustomed to seeing her in. There were supposedly years of happy marriage followed by years of less than happy marriage wherein Kanaya put on a strong front while Rose suffered some at-the-time inexplicable condition of fate and predestination. But that's not the Kanaya you know.

KANAYA: I Do Not Think You Are Grasping The Gravity Of The Situation.  
KANAYA: Every Moment You Spend Waiting For An "Okay" From Your Superiors   
KANAYA: Is Another Span Of Time Dirk Ferrys Rose Further Away To Whatever Inane Self-Absorbed Scheme He Has Planned For Rose At The End Of His Voyage.  
KANAYA: And If I Am Not Able To Catch Up To My Wife Because You Were Standing Around Waiting On Your Floor Manager To Sign Off On Refueling Orders.

The sound of a revving chainsaw fills the dock

KANAYA: I Will Make Sure I Make It Back Here If Only To Express My Supreme Displeasure With Your Performance To Both You And Your Floor Manager.

You turn the corner and see the poor rustblood cowering before the fury of a chainsaw-wielding rainbow drinker denied the loving affectations of her Human Married Wife.

TEREZI: YOU SHOULD GO 4H34D 4ND G3T ST4RT3D ON TH4T R3FU3L1NG. YOUR BOSS 1S GO1NG TO N33D 4 B1T TO CL34N UP 4ND R33V4LU4T3 H3R L1F3 CHO1C3S.

The Rustblood, whose name will certainly come up in some future scene set in their respiteblock, scrambles around the ship as your approach distracts Kanaya. She looks at you for a moment, clearly deep in a twist of emotion, when both of your attentions are drawn by the sound of an impact between two bodies followed by a stream of profanity.

??????: FUCK!  
??????: WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE GOING!  
??????: THERE'S FUCKING HEAVY MACHINERY AND HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE ROCKET FUEL AROUND.  
??????: AND I DON'T THINK ENGLISH IS PARTICULARLY UP TO TROLL OSHA STANDARDS  
??????: WHICH IS PRETTY PATHETIC GIVEN THOSE STANDARDS HAVE HISTORICALLY BEEN WRITTEN ONLY TO MINIMIZE DESTRUCTION OF HIGHBLOOD PROPERTY.  
??????: BUT WHO IS GOING TO TELL JAKE "THE HUMAN WITH THE CHEEKS" ENGLISH HOW TO RUN A REASONABLE SHIPYARD  
????: Dude they've already left. Who are you even yelling at anymore?  
??????: DAVE WHEN HAS THE ABSENCE OF ANOTHER WARM FLESHBODY PREVENTED ME FROM EXPRESSING MY EXTREME FUCKING FRUSTRATION WITH THIS FUCKING PLANET OR ITS INHABITANTS?

It would seem the remainder of your fellow shipmates have arrived. You have tried not to think about how you are about to go back out into the infinite darkness of space accompanied by every boy you have ever had romantic relations with. Two of them are still breathing, even.

This does not distress you, however. Why would it? Dave and Karkat have one another now. They are a terrible fit and you don't know how this meshes with Karkat's obsession with ideal quadrant dynamics or Dave's utter incompatibility with quadrant dynamics but, frankly, they are one anothers' problems now. As long as their dynamic doesn't interfere with the mission then if nothing else Dave's knightly Time powers should serve as a major boon for the trip.

Karkat will, if you are lucky, serve as some mild entertainment.

Your understanding is that in the years since you left on your search, Karkat has regressed into the sort of habits he had back on Alternia, spending day in and day out arguing with people on the internet. No longer needing to hide for fear of getting culled over his mutant blood has, if anything, further encouraged this behavior.

You are, frankly, baffled he agreed to this.

KANAYA: Well It Is Nice Of You To Decide To Join Us.   
KANAYA: Not That It Was Any Rush.   
KANAYA: It Is Not Like There Is Any Reason To Be In A Rush.   
KANAYA: I'm Certain No One's Wife Is Being Ferried Away At Lightspeed At This Very Moment  
KANAYA: By An Ostentatious Blowhard Who Feels Like Manipulating The Lives Of His Once-Friends To Fulfill His Personal Narrative Is Appropriate   
KANAYA: And Not At All An Act He Might Meet A Just End Over.  
DAVE: Yeah nice to see you too Kanaya. Could you maybe stop revving the chainsaw so we can talk at normal people volumes and not Karkat Standard Volume?  
KARKAT: FUCK YOU.  
TEREZI: H4V3 YOU F1N4LLY R34CH3D TH4T PO1NT 1N YOUR 3MOT1ON4LLY CONST1P4T3D R3L4T1ONSH1P? >:]

There was a most unexpected silence.

TEREZI: >80  
Dave: So I'm going to go set up my room on the ship before anyone starts asking questions and I have to end my life right here and now to avoid answering them.

Dave was already walking away as he spoke. Your gaze turns to Karkat.

KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: WHAT.  
KARKAT: YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE.  
TEREZI: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK  
TEREZI: TH1S STUNN3D S1L3NC3  
TEREZI: 1S ROOT3D 1N J3LOUSY?  
TEREZI: 1'M JUST B4FFL3D 1T F1N4LLY H4PP3N3D.  
TEREZI: YOU W3R3 4 TH1NG ON TH3 M3T3OR FOR HOW LONG?  
TEREZI: D1D YOU 3V3N K1SS B4CK TH3N.  
KARKAT: FUCK YOU, YOU JEALOUS BLUDGE-THIRSTY HARPY.  
TEREZI: OH 1 WOULDN'T DR34M OF G3TT1NG 1N TH3 W4Y OF WH4T YOU 4ND STR1D34 H4V3. 1 KNOW HOW H3 F33LS 4BOUT QU4DR4NTS.  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW,  
KARKAT: YOU NEVER TALKED ABOUT HOW YOUR SEARCH WENT.  
KARKAT: I SEE YOU CAME BACK EMPTY HAND-  
TEREZI: K4RK4T 1F YOU DON'T W4NT TO M4K3 D4V3 4 W1DOW   
TEREZI: TH3N 1 SUGG3ST YOU NOT F1N1SH TH4T S3NT3NC3.

Another silence, this one less unexpected, more tense.

KARKAT: I'M GOING TO GO CLAIM A ROOM.  
TEREZI: NOT SH4R1NG ON3 W1TH D4V3?  
KARKAT: I NEED MY SPACE.

Karkat makes his way up into the ship, not turning his back on you. You find the gesture amusing, as though that would stop you if you were going to do him in. You're not, but if you were, you wouldn't need to sneak up on him.

It strikes you that Kanaya is still standing there. You'd forgotten, in part because she'd put away her chainsaw and had reverted to her usual sort of flighty poise. If not for her hair still coming somewhat askew you'd think she was the very image of poise she likes to think she projects on a regular basis.

KANAYA: I Am Going To Go Make Sure The Boys Don't Make Too Much Of A Mess Of Things Moving In. You Should Probably Do The Same.  
Kanaya: Assuming English's Crew Does Their Job, We Should Be Ready For Take Off Within The Hour.  
TEREZI: Y34H 1'LL B3 R1GHT UP.  
TEREZI: JUST  
TEREZI: G1V3 M3 4 M1NUT3.

Kanaya nods silently, making her way up the ramp into the ship. Your chase has not even begun and you have already threatened the lives of three-quarters of your living shipmates.

You pull a wallet out of your back pocket and consider it. In reality, it weighs no more than a piece of folded pocketed leather would be expected to. But the knowledge of what it contains carries a different sort of weight. It's a reminder of the stakes at play. You do not know how, but you will not let Egbert's story end like this. You will not give the holier than thou force seeking to control the narrative of your lives have the satisfaction of running you through tragedy to fit their narrative.

You defied such forces before when all that was on the line was the fate of existence. This time you have something you care about, someone who cared about you, on the line.


	2. Chapter 2

It takes another three hours for final takeoff preparation to start. You spend most of that time trying to avoid stirring up any more animosity towards you than you have already.

This proves relatively easy as the rest of the crew spend those hours generating new and exciting animosities amongst themselves. Jake was aghast at what Kanaya had done to the aesthetic of the ship's interior. Kanaya considered it the bare minimum accommodations both for the length of the trip ahead and for being made to wait while English was otherwise occupied. Both of them were taken aback by Karkat and Dave's insistence that they needed separate blocks "for their space" despite their relationship status as each of them had designs on what they had already mentally cataloged as a "spare" room, Jake planning on it being a smoking lounge and Kanaya a sitting room.

KARKAT: THOSE ARE THE SAME FUCKING THING WITH A DIFFERENT FLAVOR OF WAFT COMING FROM BEING BURIED UP YOUR OWN GODFORSAKEN CHAGRIN TUNNEL.

To be fair your thoughts were in a similar vein, but you could thankfully rely on Karkat to say the quiet part loud when it needed to be said.

They were so engaged in this battle for the block that you were seemingly the only one to even make note of Roxy's arrival. They quite nearly snuck up on you, the loud smell of their attire the only thing that gave their presence away. They nodded to you and made some sort of gesture as they went on to claim their own block before it got wrapped up in the territory dispute, forgetting in their passing that you are blind. You can fairly assume it was a peace sign, thumbs up, or one of the other seemingly endless small hand signals humans use to either insult or appease their peers.

You spent most of the remaining time closed up in your new block, which is where you stand now, alone. Around the room and along the walls are no signs of your interests or personality. There is only some bare basic furniture, a computer set into the wall, a human bed, and some manner of alchemical console for generating food and other day to day necessities. Everything was brass or hardwood and smelled of various bitter cocoa and spices.

The yelling outside had hit a high pitch. The room shook as something was thrown against a wall. Footsteps parted in various directions. There was a knock at the door.

TEREZI: OP3N.  
JAKE: Terezi I have good news. Takeoff preparations have completed and takeoff will commence in just a bit.   
JAKE: While it is customary for the crew to all strap in on the bridge for this monumentous moment in a voyage, I fear that might not be the most constructive demand to make at this juncture.  
JAKE: So if you do choose to stay locked up in these handsome and functional confines I do suggest that you take a seat in your terminal station and brace yourself.  
JAKE: The gravitational forces, or Gs, are known to be quite riveting during atmospheric exit.  
TEREZI: NOT3D.  
JAKE: Are you prepared for takeoff? There won't be any pit stops or tourism destinations along the way.  
TEREZI: 1 AM 4BSOLUT3LY P34CH-T1NG3D. TH4T ST4T3 1S THR34T3N3D 3V3RY MOM3NT YOU CONTINU3 TO P3ST3R M3.  
JAKE: ...  
JAKE: Understood.  
JAKE: Looking forward to, uh  
JAKE: a rollicking adventure with you all.  
JAKE: ...  
TEREZI: CLOS3 DOOR.

The door slammed in English's face. You could get used to that function.

You decide to make use of the onboard alchemical console. Credit where credit is due, your earth bound companions continued to make strides in the field of punchcard alchemy over the years, putting Earth C in a post-scarcity economy that somehow still fell to the vices of corruption and capitalism.

Turns out you cannot alchemize a sense of justice.

You generate some sets of clean clothes. You had managed to wash your outfit and take a dip in the ablution trap while Kanaya was packing. You had come to help pack but she insisted your hygiene was more important. You suspect that was the end goal of her having you along to begin with. You respect the social engineering at play. You then alchemize crayons. You have the captcha code for them long since memorized. If you are going to exist in this space for days, weeks, or maybe even months at a time, then you are going to need to create some variance lest you go nose-blind and half-mad in the brown and bronze monotony.

You are unable to crack open your fresh box of crayons before a voice rings through a brass trumpeted tube leading into your quarters with a tinny affectation added by the medium that insults your senses.

JAKE: This is your Captain speaking.

You can hear Karkat some rooms away shouting something. Though you cannot make it out, you can assume Karkat is questioning Jake's qualifications in the sort of reasoned manner he approaches most questions.

JAKE: Yes Karkat I can hear you, chap, and we can discuss my bona fides once we are star borne.   
JAKE: But in the intermediate as owner of this vessel I have in fact given myself the title of Captain and put myself in charge of this vessel.   
JAKE: Normally crew positions would be something that would be discussed and assigned well before takeoff.  
JAKE: But given the great haste demanded by the situation and certain members of the crew who shall remain nameless, for a gentleman does not gossip, for the moment I will take charge of getting this boat in the air and we can divvy up duties later.  
JAKE: Now, if we are all proper dandy with moving this along.  
JAKE: I would suggest getting strapped in and buttoned up.  
JAKE: Atmospheric exit tends to be an affair that'd raise the dander on the most inscrutable of tomcats.

You are just about to ask for some clarification on that last statement in plain fucking English as opposed to Extra Fucking English when.

SYSTEM: [LAUNCH IN 3.]  
SYSTEM: [2.]  
SYSTEM: [1.]   
SYSTEM: [BLASTOFF.]

The Gs were, in fact, riveting, in that you felt riveted to the back wall of your respiteblock as you were propelled backward. You could feel a dampness on the back of your head where you are fairly certain you have sustained a head wound, but in the grand scheme of things, it is more an annoyance than anything.

The roar of air friction and atmosphere can be heard all around you. You are certain that Jake had technologies available to mitigate all of this. If you had to guess, much like the brass tubing and visible turning gears, not doing anything to make takeoff more comfortable was, for him, an aesthetic choice.

You aren't there, but you know in your heart of hearts and your sight of mind that, on the bridge, right this moment, Jake English is, in spite of everything, having the time of his life.

Almost as quickly as it started, it is over. You are slowly released from the wall and turn to see a small teal smear where your head once was, along with a small dent in the brass pipework. You consider briefly tending to your head wound, if only to avoid making a mess, before deciding that the wound is not worth the effort and, ultimately, Jake caused the mess, he can deal with it.

You decide to make your way to the bridge, only to discover that it has been a popular choice of destination in the last few minutes.

KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW WHICH YOU ARE WORSE AT, SHIP ENGINEERING, SHIP DESIGN, PILOTING, OR CAPTAINING.   
KARKAT: YOUR MULTITUDE OF INADEQUACIES BOGGLES THE THINKPAN, ENGLISH.  
KANAYA: I Know For A Fact That You Have Developed Gravitational Manipulation Technologies, Evidenced By The Fact That We Are Not Floating In Zero G At This Very Moment.  
KANAYA: So Could You Explain Why You Would Choose Not To Make Use Of Those Technologies During The Violent Excelleration Of Take Off?  
ROXY: I mean I'm not that mad lol but maybe you could start countdowns at like 10 in the tradition of blastoffs?

Jake gestured at the small crowd with a placating motion, reminding you of a troll separated from its lusus trying to dissuade a pack of hungry wild catbeasts. You've seen this scenario play out enough times to know Jake's odds. The ostentatious captain's hat he has chosen to wear for the occasion wasn't helping his odds.

JAKE: Friends! Please! Let us discuss this like calm, rational gentlepersons!   
JAKE: Come, join me in a cigar and a snifter of brandy and we can work out roles like the grown adults we all are.  
KARKAT: COUNTEROFFER: YOU STAY SOBER WHILE WE DISCUSS WHAT REASONS WE HAVE NOT TO THROW YOU IN A CLOSET FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE TRIP.  
JAKE: Careful, what you are insinuating sounds dangerously adjacent to mutiny.  
DAVE: Whoa whoa everyone chill their shit, okay?   
DAVE: No one's talking about starting a mutiny.  
DAVE: Everyone is keyed up right now.  
DAVE: And while being thrown against the wall or to the floor with three seconds warning was maybe not the best move for ship disposition.  
DAVE: At least no one got  
DAVE: Oh hey Terezi are you bleeding?

You shrug noncommittally.

TEREZI: 1T H4PP3NS.  
ROXY: Terezi oh noooooooo.  
ROXY: Jake where is the first aid kit?  
ROXY: Or the med bay?  
ROXY: Is there a nurse onboard?  
JAKE: There are no dedicated medical facilities.  
JAKE: But, I do have a doctor's bag in my quarters.  
JAKE: If you need, Terezi, I'll be happy to stitch you up.  
JAKE: I dare say I'm a fine hand with a needle, thread, and human skin.  
JAKE: Troll skin is probably not *that* much different.  
TEREZI: TH4NKS 1 TH1NK 1 W1LL JUST K33P BL33D1NG 1F 1T 1S 4LL TH3 S4M3.  
TEREZI: H4D WORS3.  
KARKAT: WELL THAT'S GREAT. WE ARE LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES OUT OF THE DOCK AND OUR "CAPTAIN" HAS ALREADY LEFT ONE OF US BLEEDING FROM THE THINKPAN.  
KARKAT: YOU MAY BE UTTERLY INCOMPETENT AND LOOK LIKE AN ABSOLUTE TOOL,   
KARKAT: BUT YOU WORK FAST.  
DAVE: Terezi for real though you gonna be okay?  
TEREZI: R3L4X KN1GHT 1'V3 SUFF3R3D F4R WORS3.

You are not being entirely boastful. The wound is already starting to scab over and, frankly, you are still in a far better state of health than you were towards the end of your time searching paradox space. Really you are more just a mess, an irritation more than a cause for concern.

JAKE: See! Terezi's in the adventuring spirit! Rub some dirt on it, keep calm, and carry on!  
ROXY: Jake is that what is in your doctor's bag?  
ROXY: That's a terrible first aid procedure.  
ROXY: Do you even have a first aid certification?  
KARKAT: OR A LICENSE TO DRIVE THIS BRASS FUCKING MONSTROSITY OF A SHIP?  
JAKE: Of course I do! Jane gave it to me herself.  
DAVE: Of course she did.  
ROXY: Dave we aren't even on the same planet as Jane right now can we just not.  
KARKAT: FOR ONCE I AGREE WITH THE USELESS CENTRIST.  
KARKAT: JANE IS EARTH C'S PROBLEM NOW.  
KARKAT: JAKE ENGLISH ON THE OTHER HAND  
KARKAT: AND THE CHAIN OF COMMAND ON THIS SHIP  
KARKAT: IS A MUCH MORE IMMEDIATE FUCKING CONCERN.  
JAKE: Now hold your horses.  
JAKE: This is a civilian vessel.  
JAKE: I am not interested in creating a strict hierarchy or any such nonsense.  
JAKE: I just want to be certain that things are taken care of and we all know our responsibilities.  
JAKE: My position as Captain is less a position of authority and more  
JAKE: A position of management.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Dave and Roxy shifted uncomfortably. Karkat had his arms crossed, unimpressed. Kanaya, who had been silent through the whole affair, just looked exhausted at this point.

JAKE: Now there are many responsibilities on a vessel of this size and caliber that need to be addressed and though some jobs may seem more important-  
TEREZI: L3G1SL4C3R4TOR.  
JAKE: Come again.  
TEREZI: 1 W1LL B3 TH3 SH1PS L3G4L R3PR3S3NT4T1V3 4ND COUNS3L, ON R3T41N3R FOR TH3 DUR4T1ON OF TH1S VOY4G3.   
JAKE: I don't see why we would need-  
TEREZI: FOR TH1S S3RV1C3 1 W1LL CH4RG3 YOU TH3 COST OF MY P4SS4GE 4BO4RD TH1S V3SS3L, ROOM, 4ND BO4RD.   
TEREZI: K4RK4T AND K4N4Y4 C4N CONF1RM TH4T, BY 4LT3RN14N ST4ND4RDS, TH3 PR1C3 1 4M OFF3R1NG YOU 1S 4 ST34L.

Karkat said nothing, still staring down Jake and fuming. Kanaya's weary expression broke into a hint of a snarky smile.

KANAYA: I Would Recommend Against Bartering With Her If You Want To Get Away From This Conversation Still Owning This Ship Or Much Anything Else To Your Name.  
JAKE: I...  
JAKE: Fine.  
JAKE: BUT!  
JAKE: Should the ship find itself in need of Counsel,  
JAKE: LEGAL OR OTHERWISE  
JAKE: I expect you to be johnny on the spot.  
TEREZI: Y34H Y34H  
TEREZI: 1'LL B3 1N MY BLOCK  
TEREZI: DON'T BOTH3R M3.

You take the opportunity to break from the conversation. You catch just enough as you leave to realize that most of the rest of the "crew" have decided to take your leave and claim jobs that primarily involve being left alone for as long as possible while on this ship.

You are largely okay with that. The more time they spend bickering over who gets to be in charge of wardrobe and who gets to be the ship's political ambassador the less time you have to deal with them. As much as you once considered most of them friends, and still do, for the most part, it seems harder and harder to spend time around them. Maybe the untold amount of time you spent in paradox space had effects on more than just your physical health.

Or maybe everyone just got really stupid in your absence.


	3. Chapter 3

The Crew Assignments on the Independent Adventure Vessel "BOLD ASSERTION" (named by owner, captain, and noted buffoon Jake English) resolved as follows.

Captain: Jake English  
First Mate: Roxy Lalonde  
Legal Counsel: Terezi Pyrope  
Quartermaster: Kanaya Maryam  
Chief of Security: Karkat Vantas  
Head Pilot/Navigator: Dave Strider  
All other Responsibilities: [SYSTEM CENTER]

Jake was deeply disappointed as nearly everyone promptly found ways to do their jobs while interacting with him as little as possible. Kanaya did not point out the fact that their ships grist-autocapture made her job largely redundant until she already had it. Dave quickly reenabled the autopilot that Jake had disabled, along with a host of safety features Jake had ruled "unbecoming of adventurers of their caliber" and promptly locked English out of those controls, functionally automating his job for most of the rest of the trip. 

Karkat's job, in theory, would be to keep the rest of the ship in line, but you are pretty sure one of the primary reasons no one objected to the idea is that pretty much everyone else on the ship could take Karkat in a one on one throw down with little worry, so the rest of the ship did what normally happens on big space gathering and ignored Karkat.

Roxy was perhaps the only person to take their job with any real sort of seriousness. They had made it their personal job to try and act as a liaison between Jake and the rest of the crew who had, within hours of takeoff, already grown largely fed up with his nonsense. There was something core to Roxy's being that abhorred strife amongst friends and they tried their best to translate Jake's proclamations into a form that would not only avoid eye rolls and exasperated sighs from the crew but would maybe result in something that could be mistaken for people following Jakes orders if you were blind.

As the crew's one blind member, you can say with some level of authority such a feat had not been reached, but you could at least respect Roxy's hustle.

You, of course, had taken your position knowing that it would assure minimal cause for the rest of the crew to pester you with day to day concerns until you had dealing with something outside the ship, which in this case shouldn't happen until you either encountered Dirk's ship (whose name you did not know but could be assured was something stupid and self-important) or some other outside force all but guaranteed to be less useless than the forces inside the ship you were on at the moment.

Which made the knock on your door meer hours late all the more baffling and annoying.

TEREZI: OP3N DOOR.  
JAKE: Ahh, Ms. Pyrope, I was hoping we could-  
TEREZI: CLOS3 DOOR.

You could still hear muffled speech from the other side of the door. English wasn't taking the hint.

TEREZI: OP3N DOOR.  
JAKE: Look, I just wish to pick your mind on some things, there's no need to be gosh-darned prickly about it. May I come in?  
TEREZI: ...SUR3.  
JAKE: Thank you, I-  
TEREZI: CLOS3 DOOR.

There was something you found viscerally pleasing in the resounding sound of Jake's face bouncing off the brass door as it slammed shut on him, followed by the thud of him hitting the floor outside your door. There was shouting outside, and at one point you could hear what might have been crying before Jake finally surrendered to your iron will and brass door, leaving you in silent contemplation in your respiteblock.

It lasted for about an hour before another knock came on the door. 

TEREZI: DOOR OP3N.  
ROXY: Was it really necessary to make him cry, girl?  
TEREZI: DOOR CLOS3.

The door slammed shut, but Roxy was fast. You would have thought there wasn't enough time for anyone to slip in like that, but Roxy has historically been at their best working with what wasn't there.

TEREZI: SO 1 GU3SS NOW TH4T YOU H4V3 V1OL4T3D TH3 S4NCT1TY OF MY R3SP1T3BLOCK   
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO W4NT A F33LINGS J4M ON WHY 1 R3DUC3D J4K3 3NGL1SH TO H1S N4TUR4L ST4T3  
TEREZI: 4S 4 BLUBB3R1NG P1L3 QU1V3R1NG 1N H1S OWN T34RS.  
ROXY: No I am pretty sure I know exactly why you did that.  
ROXY: You have no respect for him as a captain or as a person.  
TEREZI: 4LSO CLOS1NG TH3 DOOR 1N H1S F4C3 4MUS3S M3. >:]  
ROXY: That's still mean tho.  
TEREZI: 1F 1 H4D NO R3SP3CT FOR H1M 4S 4 P3RSON.  
TEREZI: WHY H4V3N'T 1 SP4C3D H1M YET?  
ROXY: You wouldn't do that to one of your friends, would you?

You know Roxy didn't know better, but that one struck a nerve.

TEREZI: J4K3 3NGL1SH 1S 4N 4SSOC14T3 4T B3ST.  
TEREZI: 4S1D3 FROM OUR COMB1N3D 3FFORT BR1NG1NG TH3 SBURB S3SS1ON TO 4N 3ND   
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 H4D F41RLY L1TTL3 1NT3R4CT1ON W1TH H1M  
TEREZI: 4ND WH4T 1NT3R4CT1ON 1 H4V3 H4D  
TEREZI: H4S B33N ON 4V3R4G3  
TEREZI: 1RR1T4T1NG 4T B3ST.  
TEREZI: H3 SHOULD F33L HONOR3D 1F 1 W3NT TO TH3 3FFORT TO SP4C3 H1M.  
TEREZI: TO S4Y NOTH1NG  
TEREZI: OF WH4T 1 H4V3 DON3 TO "FRI3NDS"  
TEREZI: R3M3M-

You pause. You realize you are about to reference a series of events that didn't actually happen. You remember them because you remember everything the other Terezi experienced before Egbert set events back in order. You recall the events as clear as if you had lived them, maybe more so. You remember the heft of the blade in your hand, the weight as the body slid off of it.

It was incredibly easy to lose her in that version of events. It was utterly impossible to find her in this one.

Retconning events away doesn't change the fact that you are a person who, under the right circumstances, stabbed her in the back and ended her life. 

ROXY: Rezi you still there.

You realize you just sorta went silent for a minute there.

TEREZI: YOU SHOULD L34V3 NOW.  
TEREZI: 1 SP3NT 4N UNTOLD 4MOUNT OF T1ME   
TEREZI: FLO4T1NG THROUGH P4R4DOX SP4CE   
TEREZI: AND 1 H4V3 NOT Y3T H4D 4 D3C3NT D4YS SL33P S1NC3 MY R3TURN.  
TEREZI: SO UNL3SS TH3R3 1S 4 L3G4L 3M3RG3NCY  
TEREZI: 1 WOULD R3COMM3ND NOT BOTH3R1NG M3.  
ROXY: ...I hear you  
ROXY: Sorry to bother you.

You begin to order the door to open, but Roxy is already gone. You take a deep breath and sit down on your block's HUMAN BED. Only then do you realize you are holding your DRAGON CANE, still sheathed, in your hand. You don't remember recalling it from your STRIFE SPECCUBUS. You are also suddenly aware of your breathing, heavy. You are wired, irritated, and tense. You stow the DRAGON CANE. You lay down on your side. No one else bothers you for a long time. You are unsure when you slip off to sleep.

You wake up in a tangled mess of sheets and pillows. You've found yourself to be a toss-and-turner when denied a recuperacoon but, over the course of your space search, you at least got used to getting sleep without the aid of sopor slime. It's not entirely unlike sleeping on a loungeplank, serviceable but never ideal. It's not unheard of, sometimes matesprites get into a row too close to sun-up for a troll to safely find their way home, but it's not something any self-respecting troll would seek out.

You disengage yourself from the human bed. You realize a couple of things immediately. The back of your head is still somewhat tender from yesterday's trauma. Relatedly, you are still wearing a blood-encrusted shirt, and as much as you can appreciate the aesthetic, a change of attire will be in order. Third, you are short a pillow and are not entirely certain you didn't eat it in your sleep. You are strangely not hungry.

Your individual respiteblocks do not have individual ablution traps, so you have to assume English designed this brass monstrosity with some sort of barbaric shared bathing accommodation. You alchemize an ablution robe and some hygiene supplies, grab a previously alchemized spare set of clothes, and wander out into the halls of the ship. It's not that big. It shouldn't prove that hard to find.

It isn't hard to figure out where the bathing facilities. You simply do what you do best and follow your nose. Someone is already using them. You catch a hint of soap and water in the air, along with the faint tang of perspiration, both troll and human. Seems others had the same idea. You eventually find yourself to the source of the smells and humidity. There is a split to two doorways. You can make out a sign, but between the perfumy odors of soap and the heavy humidity in the air you cannot make out what it says. You reach out, but there is no texture to make out. Relying on your usual final measure in situations like this, you step up to the sign and begin licking it, trying to discern its message by taste. 

You can make out the human word "Bath," but other than that, there are only two symbols you cannot recognize. The one on the left seems to be a vaguely troll shaped figure, two arms, two legs, and one head. The other, on the right, is a similar figure on the top half, but with the bottom half consumed by some sort of triangular mass.

You take a moment to consider your options. You are uncertain what the triangle-legged form is supposed to represent, but the other much more closely describes your general form. You then suppose that you are meant to go through the door on the left. Simple deduction, really.

There is a locker room. It was not unheard of for legislacerative offices to have these for those working overnight on cases, and though you never made use of them personally given that you grew up in the woods avoiding getting culled for losing your vision, you are familiar with the concept. You found an empty locker, stowed your clothes, grabbed your ablution brick and hair purifier, threw your towel and robe over your shoulder, and sauntered into the next room.

Your skin is immediately hit with a pleasant damp warmth. Your ears are immediately hit with something else.

KARKAT: TEREZI WHAT IN THE GLOBE-GARGLING FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!?!

You begin to guess this is the troll specific baths before you catch a whiff of another familiar form, fair-haired and blushing a delicious red that nearly matches Karkat.

TEREZI: OH. H1 D4V3, K4RK4T, 4M 1 1NTERRUPT1NG SOM3TH1NG? >;]

There is movement in the water as they are suddenly sitting five feet apart in the shared communal ablution trap. The ablution trap, perhaps more like a heated ablution pool, is larger than your old respiteblock. You wonder how Jake justified this terribly inefficient use of space and resources on what is otherwise a fairly compact vessel, but he seems to not be around and frankly you are okay with that. Perhaps he is in the triangle legs room. There are smaller stations with hoses attached to nozzles that may be intended in the assisting of washing hair or other specific tasks, but right now you could probably use a good scorching soak.

You set your supplies by the edge of the bath, a small ways away from the boys who have gone dead silent in your presence. The water is not nearly as hot as you generally prefer, but not so lukewarm as to be unpleasant. It would be difficult to keep a body of water this size at the temperature you would prefer, you imagine.

Bathing has always been a complicated thing for you. You could be fairly accused in your youth of maybe not making use of the ablution trap as often as you should. Your peers often assumed being somewhat grimy and smeared was just part of your aesthetic, and while that was not untrue, there was a certain degree of apprehension that came with bathing after the loss of your eyesight. 

When you maneuver the world primarily through smell and taste, the act of bathing can be disorienting. It can be incredibly difficult for you to perceive what is under even very clear water, and hot steam and soap can drown out subtle scents that would otherwise serve as your guide. Combine that with the tendency for ablution blocks to be fairly static in color and it becomes one of the few moments you feel truly blind.

But, there's also something about that which, under the right circumstances, can be very calming. When most people wish to stop seeing, they have the option to close their eyes. You do not have that option available to you. You always perceive. You always smell. You always taste. It is part of why you have had such a hard time adjusting to the use of human beds. At least when you had to try and catch sleep in paradox space it was mostly dark nothingness. Here, even with the lights off, you can still smell and taste the brass, the hardwood, the sheets and the pillows (which might account for why you ate one in your sleep.) Submersing yourself in a bath or in your recuperacoon were the few moments where you were really allowed to switch off. It was, on some level, intimidating given the inherent dangers to life on Alternia. But, given an environment free of immediate dangers, it was a treat to just let go sometimes. 

You momentarily submerge yourself underwater, wetting your hair and throwing yourself into sensory oblivion for a moment. It is frightening and freeing. You breach back over the surface of the water, your perceptions going from darkness back to the dull haze of the ablution block.

The world is largely a blank canvas. Occasionally you catch a whiff of crimson from Karkat and Dave across the way. You pay them little mind as you upturn a bottle of hair purifier, licorice black, atop your head. The pang of it hits your nose, cutting through the haze like a single clear note played in an otherwise empty slaughtatorium. As you work it into a foam the color shifts, lightens, becomes a series of shades of grey, like an orchestra joining that first sharp notes.

You pick up other details, too. You can smell your blood, encrusted on the back of your neck and in your hair, now washing out and diffusing into the water. You presume this large pool has some form of automated cleaning system, you think to yourself, as your blood diffuses beyond your ability to sense it. Your scalp stings as the hair purifier hits your mostly-scabbed-over headwound. It's not an intolerable pain, but just an irritating reminder of yesterday's events.

You leave the hair purifier foamed up in your hair to soak in as you rise up from the water to grab your ablution brick and washtowl.

KARKAT: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE STOP SHOWING OFF.

Karkat's words cut through your haze like an angry, shouty knife.

Looking over at Karkat and Dave, they are murky through the steam and the heat, but you can tell a few things. Dave has put his shades back on since you entered. Both of them are aggressively not looking at you or each other. They continue to sit five feet apart and their awkwardness would be insufferable if not for the haze of heat and mist dulling your sense of them. You are not sure if they are blushing from the heat of the bath, your presence, or something else, but you have long since gotten over your need to try to comprehend their emotional constipation. 

TEREZI: 1'M FL4TT3R3D YOU L1K3 WH4T YOU S33, BUT 1 4M NOT H3R3 FOR YOU.  
KARKAT: THEN WHY IN THE BAD EASTER ALTERNIAN CARTOON TROPE FUCK ARE YOU BATHING IN THE BOYS SIDE OF THE HUMAN BATHS?  
DAVE: To be real this isn't exactly a standard setup by human standards Jake English is just extra as fuck to be honest-  
KARKAT: YES WE KNOW JAKE ENGLISH IS INCAPABLE OF LIMITING HIMSELF TO DOING ANYTHING "ENOUGH" WHEN HE CAN GO "OVER THE TOP BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLY OVERDONE ENGLISH STYLE."  
KARKAT: THAT DOESN'T ADDRESS WHAT THE FUCK TEREZI IS DOING OVER HERE.  
TEREZI: WH4T P4RT OF FUS3D TR14NGL3 L3GS   
TEREZI: V3RSUS NORM4L TROLL 4ND HUM4N L3GS   
TEREZI: W4S SUPPOS3D TO 1ND1C4T3 TO M3 TH4T TH3S3 4BLUT1ON CH4MB3RS W3R3 S3GR3G4T3D BY G3ND3R?  
TEREZI: WHY WOULD YOU 3V3N S3GR3G4T3 4BLUT1ON CH4MB3RS BY G3ND3R?  
TEREZI: 1F YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO B3 CLOS3 3NOUGH W1TH YOUR CR3WM4T3S TO SH4R3 1N N4K3D B4THT1MES  
TEREZI: WHY SH4R3 W1TH SOM3 4ND NOT OTH3RS.  
DAVE: Some we don't have, uh...  
KARKAT: OKAY TERRIBLE HUMAN SIGN DESIGN PRACTICES ASIDE  
TEREZI: NO W41T  
TEREZI: L3T D4V3 F1N1SH

Dave was suddenly uncharacteristically quiet.

TEREZI: COM3 NOW YOU'V3 1NT3RUPT3D MY R3V3R13  
TEREZI: 4T L34ST SH4R3 WH4T 1S ON YOUR M1IN >;]  
TEREZI: WOULD 1T H3LP 1F 1 MOV3E CLOS3R SO YOU DON'T H4V3 TO SHOUT?

You waded through the water, right about chest deep, towards the two boys, still seated at a ledge below the water that ran the perimeter of the bath. They recoiled at your approach. You'd received warmer receptions when you approached someone armed for murder.

TEREZI: WH4T 1S WRONG?  
TEREZI: 1'M NOT GO1NG TO B1T3.  
TEREZI: YOU M1SS3D TH3 BO4T ON TH4T ONE.  
KARKAT: THAT'S KIND OF THE POINT.  
TEREZI: WH4T, H4V1NG R3GR3TS? 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 DO1NG TH3 HUM4N "MONOGAMY" TH1NG W1TH 34CH OTH3R.  
DAVE: Yeah we are but-

Yeah, it was definitely not the temperature of the water that was turning Dave that color.

KARKAT: IT'S A LITTLE FUCKING AWKWARD HAVING OUR SHARED FUCKING EX COME WALTZING IN  
KARKAT: WEARING NOTHING BUT THEIR WRIGGLING DAY SUIT   
KARKAT: WHILE WE ARE EQUALLY EXPOSED AND JUST GO ABOUT LIKE THERE'S NOTHING GUT-WRENCHINGLY AWKWARD ABOUT THAT.   
KARKAT: IT'S LIKE A BAD ROMCOM PLOT, BAD ENOUGH THAT EVEN I WOULDN'T TOLERATE IT.  
TEREZI: K4RK4T  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU ST1LL NOT OV3R M3?

There was a pregnant pause.

TEREZI: AR3 YOU *BOTH* ST1LL NOT OV34 ME? >:O  
DAVE: No fuck goddamnit Terezi.   
DAVE: Do you not see how maybe a couple of bros trying to kick back and have perfectly normal platonic hot tub chill time might have their mood harshened by having their mutual former romantic partner there scrubbing themself down like it's no big thing?

You consider your response.

TEREZI: 1F YOU ST1LL H4V3 4 TH1NG FOR M3  
TEREZI: YOU C4N JUST S4Y SO.  
TEREZI: 1T WON'T CH4NG3 4ANYTH1NG OF COURS3.  
TEREZI: TH4T 4QU4T1C V3SS3L H4S L3FT PORT.  
TEREZI: BUT TH3 TRUTH M1GHT M4K3 YOU F33L B3TT3R. >:]

You waded away from the flustered boys, back to your side of the pool.

KARKAT: COULD YOU AT LEAST TURN YOUR GANDERSPHERES TO THE OPPOSITE FUCKING WALL SO I CAN GET OUT AND DRIED OFF IN SOME PATHETIC SEMBLANCE OF PEACE?  
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU 3XP3CT THE BL1ND G1RL TO S33?

Your cackling echoes off the walls and was no doubt audible halfway across the ship. You didn't really care. Karkat was the one getting out of the bath right now. It would be on him to explain what the laughter was about. Just imagining that conversation with the other members of the crew drew another peal of laughter from you.

You weren't being entirely dishonest. You cannot make out any sort of detail as Karkat leaves the bath and all but dives for his towel, though you do note that Dave waits until Karkat has left the room before he follows suit. 

As much as you enjoy tormenting them, you can *sort of* see why they'd be bashful around you, despite the fact that you are blind. But, to your understanding, they've been monogamous human flushed for one another for years now. They cohabitated during most of that time, too. As much as Karkat was known to be a fan of the "slow burn" romance surely they have, you know, seen each other disrobed by now, right? They couldn't actually still be in the dumb schoolfeed wriggler awkward dancing around the subject phase of their relationship this far into adulthood, right?

For all the time you've been away, it feels like your friends have grown relatively little. They have changed, that is for certain, but often not for the better. And you are not sure what could have been done if anything to improve the situation. 

You've had time to think about your text conversations with John. It is clear that the John you encountered in paradox space was not him, if only due to his age. There were other things, too. The John you texted with told you of Dirk's funeral after taking his life in the most overdramatic Stride manner possible, yet you are now chasing a different Dirk Strider across the stars. The John you spoke with never went to fight Lord English, but the John you met quite clearly did. 

There were other small differences, too, that you caught in passing conversations with your crewmates. They speak of a failed election instead of a civil war. Dave clearly never married Jade. In the timeline these versions of your friends know, Jade... went into a coma and was possessed by a dead cherub? You never actually got a lot of clarification on that point. A part of you feels like you should ask about that sometime. Another part of you has tried to avoid asking questions reaching too far into the past to avoid prompting others from asking you how your last few years have gone. 

There is absolutely no part of that conversation that you want to have with anyone on this ship right now. You don't want to talk about how much of yourself you put into a search for Vriska, or how you eventually found the strength to give up on that search, about who helped you find that strength, or about what you shared in the light of a dying universe.

Yeah, you definitely don't want to have to explain how you and their Egbert did it in the back of his car. Or the fact that he died shortly afterward. Or the fact that he's in the wallet sitting the back pocket of your pants. You need to be sure to grab that before you throw those pants in the laundry.

You catch yourself. A bit of shampoo has dripped down into your eyes, and the burn pulls you from your reverie. You've been scrubbing yourself down on autopilot and lost track of time. That's the other danger of this sort of indulgence. Losing and sense of your surroundings makes it easy to lose track of time as well. You plunge yourself underwater yet again, rinsing your hair. You climb out of the bath, shaking yourself of much of the excess moisture before ruffling your towel through your hair. You consider the bathrobe for a moment but opt just to throw it over your shoulder. In a moment you will be in the locker room changing into real clothes. A change of wardrobe for the walk to the adjacent room seems excessive.

You throw the robe, along with your towel, over your shoulder and enter the locker room.

JAKE: Cheese and crackers!

Jake was standing next to the doorway, shirt already off, clearly preparing to remove his rolled-up khaki shorts, his suspenders already hanging loose.

JAKE: Legal Counsel Terezi what are you doing in the gentlemen's locker room!  
JAKE: Do you know this could be considered sexual harassment?!  
TEREZI: ONLY 1F YOU N33DL3SSLY S3XU4L1Z3 TH3 NUD3 FORM OF 4 F3LLOW CR3WM4T3 TRYING TO B4THE.

Tearing down Jake English's bad logic is, as always, a passing if pleasant distraction at it's most strenuous, and you continue while changing into a fresh set of clothes.

TEREZI: 4LSO YOUR SIGN4G3 1S B4D.  
TEREZI: 4LSO 1 KNOW YOU 4R3, 1N HUM4N T3RMS,   
TEREZI: "not a heterosexual"   
TEREZI: SO WHY SHOULD 1T M4TT3R WH4T G3ND34 YOUR B4TH BUDD13S 4R3?  
JAKE: It's just not proper!   
TEREZI: SO YOU 4R3 S4Y1NG TH3R3 4R3 SP4C3S WH3R3 A WOM4N 1S 3XP3CT3D TO B3 4ND SP4C3S WH3R3 A WOM4N 1S 3XP3CT3D TO NOT B3 ON YOUR SH1P?  
JAKE: That's not-  
TEREZI: TH4T'S T3RR1BL3.  
TEREZI: DO YOU KNOW TH1S COULD B3 CONS1D3R3D S3XU4L H4R4SSM3NT?

Jake is silent, dumbfounded, and clearly perturbed. He doesn't blush quite as bright a shade as Dave or Karkat, but you can feel the warmth of his embarrassment radiating off of him. 

TEREZI: NOW 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO ST3P 4S1D3 SO 1 C4N L34V3?  
TEREZI: OR DO YOU H4V3 SOM3 PL4NS FOR M3 TH4T INVOLV3 CONF1NING US 4LON3 TO TH1S LOCK3R BLOCK?

Jake, still indignant but clearly defeated, stepped away from the doorway. You strut past him, freshly dressed and feeling more confident than ever that you are the single most well put together in her shit individual, troll or otherwise, on this ship.


	4. Chapter 4

When you ran into Kanaya, your assuredness did not budge for a moment.

You hadn't really intended on starting up a conversation with her at right this very moment. You generally kinda liked Kanaya and you were feeling kind of antagonistic after flustering Dave, Karkat, and Jake, but when Kanaya's fashion design work was spilling out into the hallway it became somewhat difficult to ignore, in part because you needed to pass by in order to get to your room.

TEREZI: H3Y, UH  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU OK4Y 1N TH3R3?  
TEREZI: D1D SOM3 FORM OF   
TEREZI: CLOTH-B4S3D 3XPLOS1V3 D3V1C3   
TEREZI: GO OFF 1N THERE?

You peeked into the room. Hanging on various FASHION HUSKS were an array of outfits, largely inspired by Alternian Sea Troll fashion, all very regal but functional in their appearance. Kanaya was hunched over a human sewing machine, working at a steady pace, not raising her gaze from her work as she addressed you.

KANAYA: Yes I Am Quite Fine.  
KANAYA: I Am Simply Finding Ways To Busy Myself That I Hope Will Prove Productive Towards The Accomplishment Of Our Shared Goals.  
TEREZI: 1T LOOKS L1K3 YOU 4RE TRY1NG TO BR1NG FL4RP B4CK 1NTO F4SH1ON.  
KANAYA: No, Not Exactly.  
KANAYA: I Was Hoping That Maybe If I Got Our Captain To Dress The Part Of A Vessel On A Mission Of Great Importance That Perhaps He Would Maybe,  
KANAYA: Just Maybe,  
KANAYA: Start Treating Our Mission As One Of Great Importance And Not A Form Of Escapism From His Earth C Based Problems.  
TEREZI: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK TH4T WOULD WORK?  
KANAYA: No, All This Work Is Likely Wasted On Him.  
KANAYA: It In Not My Greatest Plan.  
KANAYA: But It Is Something To Do That Keeps My Mind Off Of How Frustrated I Am With Him And Everything Else About This Situation.

You step inside and take a seat on Kanaya's human bed, maybe a little forward, but appropriate for what comes next.

TEREZI: W4NN4 T4LK 4BOUT 1T?

Kanaya stopped her work, the machine whirring to a stop.

KANAYA: Terezi You Know I Am Human Married To Rose, Yes?  
KANAYA: And While This Would Not Strictly, In As Far As I Understand The Concept, Be A Violation Of Those Vows,  
KANAYA: I Have Not Functionally Acted Or Existed In Any Capacity As A Participant In A Quadrant In A Long Time.  
TEREZI: OK4Y BUT H3R3 M3 OUT.  
TEREZI: H4LF TH3 CR3W 1S DUMB.  
TEREZI: ROXY H4S TH3 C4P4C1TY TO NOT B3 DUMB BUT H3 H4S 4 B4D H4B1T OF TY1NG HIMS3LF TO J4K3 4ND C4RRY1NG HIS DUMB L1KE 4N 4NCHOR.  
TEREZI: TH4T L34V3S YOU  
TEREZI: 4ND M3  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 4M NOT TOT4LLY SUR3 TH3 STUP1D W1LL NOT B3G1N TO 4FF3CT US 1N TH3 LONG T3RM 1F W3 DO NOT PR3S3NT 4 UN1T3D FRONT.

Kanaya spun in her chair, prepared to make some sort of retort, no doubt brimming with dry, detached wit. But, as she did, you could see her eyes scan across her room around the two of you. There were piles of cloth, both in bolts and in scraps. There were no less than a half-dozen completed outfits designed for a man she wasn't entirely fond of in hopes to inspire him to some baseline level of adequate leadership. Her bed was completely dominated by spare supplies, and her desk was completely dominated by patterns and designs. Her entire respiteblock had been unwittingly dedicated to appeasing and improving Jake English.

KANAYA: Oh My God.  
KANAYA: I  
KANAYA: Fuck.

You let that joke stay on its low-hanging plantfrond. 

KANAYA: I Just  
KANAYA: I Wanted To Help.  
KANAYA: And, To Be Honest, It Was A Helpful Distraction.  
KANAYA: ...  
KANAYA: I'm Doing It Too.  
KANAYA: I'm Trying To Escape The Difficulties Of The Situation At Hand Through Rampant Escapism.   
KANAYA: I've Made This Journey About Trying To Hold The Ship Together, When That Is, In Fact, A Means To A Much More Important End.  
TEREZI: TO B3 F41R

You brace yourself to deliver the lie.

TEREZI: YOU H4V3 F4R MOR3 4T ST4K3 TH4N 4NYON3 3LS3 ON TH3 SH1P.   
TEREZI: ROXY 1S HOP31NG TO KNOCK S3NS3 1NTO D1RK.  
TEREZI: 4 LONG SHOT 4T B3ST  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T 3V3N TH1NK J4K3 1S DO1NG TH1S TH1NK1NG OF H1S LOST P4R4MOUR.  
TEREZI: K4RK4T 4ND D4V3 4R3, 4T B3ST, H3R3 4S MOR4L SUPPORT  
TEREZI: BUT MOR3 R34L1ST1C4LLY 4VO1D1NG TH3 F4LLOUT OF TH31R BOTCH3D 3L3CT1ON CYCL3.  
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 H3R3 B3C4US3 D1RK STR1D3R STOL3 YOUR W1F3.

You see something stir in Kanaya that you haven't seen in her since you arrived on Earth C. It's a sense of purpose you haven't seen in a long, long time. It's not the manic need for a sensation of progress you saw in her when she was threatening a refueling tech a day or so ago. This isn't the hopeful self-busying nervousness of a Jadeblood hoping that plying her skills as a fashion designer will help coerce the actions of an individual blind to her desires. 

This is the fire of self-motivated purpose. The last time you saw this Kanaya, she chopped a fuckboy fish troll in half.

TEREZI: FUCK TH4T GUY.   
TEREZI: W3 4R3 H3R3 TO M4K3 SUR3 H3 M33TS JUST1C3.  
TEREZI: BUT W3 H4V3 TO HOLD 1T TOG3TH3R 1N TH3 M34NT1M3.

The fire, stoked to a blaze a moment ago, dampens. It is still there but contained. That is good. That's where you need her to be.

KANAYA: You Are Not Wrong.  
KANAYA: I Am Perhaps A Bit Rudderless In Absence Of Both Rose And Any Other Formalized Interpersonal Relationships In My Life.  
KANAYA: I Think That Perhaps "Dusting Off The Old Quadrants" Might Not Be The Worst Choice Given The Circumstances.  
KANAYA: You Do Have A Talent For Taking Others To Task And Making Them Hear The Uncomfortable Truths They Need.  
KANAYA: And I Would Like To Think That I Could Provide Intellectually Stimulating Conversation During Times When The General Level Of Discourse On The Ship Becomes Too Much.  
KANAYA: Just Understand That I Will Not Tolerate Any Vacillation Into The Concupiscent, Flushed Or Pitch.  
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3  
TEREZI: DON'T FR3T. 1 W1LL DO MY B3ST NOT TO WOO YOU FROM YOUR L1F3LONG HUM4N M4RR14G3. >;]  
TEREZI: YOUR LOSS, THOUGH.  
KANAYA: Terezi Please Don't Make Me Regret This Decision.  
TEREZI: 4LL R1GHT 4LL R1GHT  
TEREZI: 1 W4S JUST T34S1NG.  
TEREZI: W3LCOM3 B4CK TO YOUR CULTUR4L B1RTHR1GHT.  
TEREZI: 1F 1 SEE 4NY B4D P1TCH F33L1NGS FORM1NG 4MONG TH3 CR3W YOU'LL B3 TH3 F1RST P3RSON 1 C4LL TO M4N4G3 TH4T.  
KANAYA: Ugh.  
KANAYA: Honestly That Is One Part Of The Quadrant Model Of Relationships I Think I Am Glad To Put Behind Me.  
KANAYA: I'm Not Saying I Would Never But,  
KANAYA: I Am Not Particularly Enthused At The Prospect Of Tackling Auspisticeship Again.  
KANAYA: And, I Very Much Hope There Will Be No Cause For It On Our Trip.  
KANAYA: Especially Given The Individuals We Are On This Voyage With.  
TEREZI: F41R PO1NT.

Kanaya started to turn back to her work, then reconsidered, turning back to you.  
KANAYA: You Know,  
KANAYA: Since We Are Now As Close As We Are,  
KANAYA: There Is A Concern I Have Had In The Back Of My Mind.  
KANAYA: It Is A Somewhat Delicate Manner,  
KANAYA: Not Necessarily Inappropriate,  
KANAYA: But Not Exactly The Sort Of Thing I Feel Entirely Comfortable Just Bringing Up In Open Discussion With The Crew.

You cross your hands in your lap and try to look attentive. The pale quadrant was never your strongest suit, but you do your best to appear supportive and non-judgemental.

KANAYA: I Haven't Had Anything To Eat Since Rose Left.

That seems silly there's a kitchen right down the hall and there was plenty of time to-

Oh.

*Oh.*

KANAYA: I Know It Is Maybe A Somewhat More Invasive Ask Than Is Typical For Our Newly Developing Relationship But I Do Not Think Rose Would Wish Me To Die By Starvation In Her Absence.  
KANAYA: I Do Have A Few Flasks Stashed Away As An Emergency Supply.  
KANAYA: I Was Considering Dipping Into Them When You Came By.  
KANAYA: It Is Not Nearly Enough To Last Even The Shortest Estimates The Crew Has Come Up With For Our Possible ETA.  
KANAYA: And Punchcard Alchemy Has Difficulty With Producing,  
KANAYA: Em,  
KANAYA: *such substances* In Such A Form That Would Actually Serve To Provide Sustenance To My Particular Condition.  
KANAYA: So...  
KANAYA: ...  
TEREZI: 4FT3R 4LL TH4T T4LK   
TEREZI: OF NOT L3TT1NG OUR R3L4T1ONSH1P V4CC1L4T3  
TEREZI: 4RE YOU 4SKING  
TEREZI: TO G1V3 M3  
TEREZI: TH3 SUCC?

Kanaya grimaced.

KANAYA: Please Don't Call It That.  
KANAYA: But Yes.  
KANAYA: I Won't Take Nearly Enough To Put Your Health In Danger.  
KANAYA: And I Don't Need To Feed Nearly As Often As Most Need To Eat Meals.  
KANAYA: But I'm Worried That Continued Abstinence May Begin To Affect Both My Affectiveness  
KANAYA: And My Disposition.  
TEREZI: OK4Y SO UH  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU JUST GONN4...

Kanaya's expression reads as a moment of thoughtful consideration, but you cannot help but notice, under the thrum of the ship's engines, the sound of her softly sniffing the air in the room.

You are not certain if you should be unnerved at the implication or if doing so would be fundamentally hypocritical, all things considered.

KANAYA: No, Not Right Now. Later This Evening Would Be Ideal, After You've Had A Good Dinner.   
KANAYA: Consisting of Real Food. I'd Rather Not Have To Deal With Chalk Aftertaste.  
KANAYA: In Fact It May Be Best That I Prepare Your Dinner.  
KANAYA: I've Seen What Passes For Meals In the Strider/Vantas Household.  
KANAYA: Roxy And Callie's Idea Of A Balanced Meal Is Not Much Better, Come To Think Of It.  
KANAY: How Did All Of Our Friends Reach Adulthood Without Learning How To Cook For Themselves?  
TEREZI: HOW 4R3 YOU 4NY B3TT3R?  
KANAYA: I Am... Capable Of Consuming Normal Food. I Simply Do Not Obtain Sustenance From It.  
KANAYA: Also Someone Had To Cook For Rose. Even Before The Onset Of Her Condition She Was Something Of A Disaster In The Kitchen.  
KANAYA: Yes I Think I Will Put This

Kanaya motioned around her to her now abandoned tailoring projects.

KANAYA: To The Side For The Time Being And Focus On Ensuring Your, And By Extension My, Dietary Needs.  
TEREZI: COOL SO UH  
TEREZI: 1'M GONN4 GO  
TEREZI: CH1LL 1N MY R3SP1T3BLOCK FOR NOW.  
TEREZI: COOL?  
TEREZI: GOOD F33L1NGS J4M.  
KANAYA: No Chalk.  
TEREZI: *S1GH*  
KANAYA: Or Crayons.   
TEREZI: *S11111GGGGGHHHHH*  
TEREZI: SP3ND1NG T1M3 ON 34RTH C H4S R34LLY TURN3D YOU 1NTO 4 HUM4N MOM. >:P

You make your way out of Kanaya's Respiteblock before she has the opportunity to put any more conditions on how you manage yourself and your free time. You understood this to be one of the risks when you courted her for a pale relationship. Her fussiness was probably well suited to the model of a human marriage, with one partner to engage all of her feelings with. 

That said, what you said about the unreliability of most of your crew was not entirely dishonest, and taking measures to keep Kanaya, who, by your measure, is one of the most competent and stable members of the crew, on your side is worth dealing with her being a little overbearing and matronly. As much as you are loath to admit such a thing, it may, in fact, be good for you in the long run to have someone besides yourself having a vested interest in your long term health and wellbeing. Those were things you got perhaps a bit too used to overlooking in the vast reaches of paradox space.

You lay out on your HUMAN BED, staring up at the ceiling, the same sense-dulling brass and brown as the rest of your room. You turn your head, looking at the box of crayons.

You may not be able to eat them under your agreement with your new moirail, but you can certainly put them to other uses.

You spend time alchemizing a ladder and many more crayons. You hadn't actually intended these for a snack to begin with. Chalk's crunch is much more satisfying to you, but crayon on walls has much greater staying power. You climb your newly alchemized A-FRAME LADDER, reaching the top of your room. You run your hand over the hardwood. Every part of this ship is hardwood or brass. As irritatingly monotonous as that may be, this hardwood will make an excellent canvas.


	5. Chapter 5

You have gone through several boxes of crayons. Your legs are beginning to grow sore from going up and down the ladder and you are beginning to consider if you could manage to use your ROCKET WINGS in this small of a room without starting a fire when a voice echoes through the brass-tube-based intercom system.

SYSTEM: [KANAYA MARYAM HAS REQUESTED THE CREW GATHER IN THE DINING HALL FOR COMMUNAL FOOD CONSUMPTION ACTIVITIES. THANK YOU.]

You let yourself fall from the ladder, falling with a bounce onto your human bed. For what it lacks in sleeping comfort, it does have some ancillary advantages.

When you head back into the hallway, the first thing you notice is that Kanaya's Sewing Extravaganza is no longer spilling out into the hallway and her door is closed. It is a good sign, to be sure. You weren't entirely sure she wouldn't fall back into it shortly after you left the room.

You head towards the Dining Hall. Dedicated Eating Blocks were always a concept a bit high on the hemospectrum for your blood, but it's not so alien that you necessarily feel uncomfortable with the concept. As you enter, it is clear that your discomfort is likely to be among the least pressing issues ahead.

Everyone is here. There is a long table, large enough to seat three times as many people as there are on the ship. There are nutrition plateaus along with nutrient wrangling tools and beverage basins placed at each of the seats along the table. Slain beast-heads adorn the walls, staring down at the room with glass, lifeless eyes. There are paintings adorning the walls, mostly of rugged, dangerous wilderness settings, often featuring Jake English. 

Jake has already placed himself at one end of the table, the "head" as it were. Roxy is at his right, doing his best to look pleasant in spite of everything. This is made difficult by a few different factors. Dave and Karkat are sitting half a table down from them, about midway down this absurd arrangement, sitting across the table from one another. Jake has a goblet of beverage he is drinking deeply from. From his stance and behavior, you gather that it is likely the soporific humans refer to as "wine."

Roxy's face is the picture of that sort of pleasant neutrality usually practiced by Striders and Lalondes, but you can smell the muscles tensing in his arms as he sits with his hands in his lap, balling his hands into fists every time Jake throws bag a big swig of his beverage. 

You take a seat at the end of the table opposite English because if no one else is going to put on the facade of this ship's crew being a functioning, cohesive unit, you certainly are not going to be the one to start pushing that fantasy.

Shortly after you take your seat, Kanaya emerges from the meal block pushing a NUTRIENT CART loaded with covered dishes and a couple pitchers of iced water. She rolled up to the table and came to a stop a few feet away, clearly baffled and a little perturbed. 

KANAYA: Yes, Of Course, Why Would I Expect You To Seat Yourselves In Any Way Other Than The Configuration That Would Provide The Most Difficult Serving You Your Meals As A Group. How Silly Of Me To Have Expected Absolutely Anything Else That What I See In Front Of Me.  
JAKE: Oh Kanny don be such sourpuss. Come, sit with your good ole Cappy English an lemme see what you're servin up, chickie poo.

Everyone was staring, even you, the blind girl.

KANAYA: And Of Course Jake Is Drunk.   
KANAYA: Though To Be Fair After What You Just Said That Is The Only Thing Stopping Me From Separating You From Your Legs.  
JAKE: Oh don't be like that sweetheart I-  
KANAYA: I'm Going To Start Serving At The Head Of The Table And If You Would Like To Be Fed Food As Opposed To Blunt Force Trauma Then I Would Recommend Getting Your Shit Together By The Time I Get Back To You.  
ROXY: :o  
JAKE: Jimminey Crickets.  
JAKE: But I *am* at the head-

Kanaya pushed the NUTRIENT CART past him, past Dave and Karkat, and up to you.

KANAYA: I Know You Are Somewhat... Uniquely Aesthetically Inclined When It Comes To Your Dietary Choices.  
KANAYA: I Attempted To Take That Into Account When Preparing This Evening's Menu.

Kanaya set a covered dish in front of you. She removed it, and you were hit with a wave of bright intermingled scents that were almost too much at one time.

KANAYA: Some Manner Of Salad Is An Important Part Of A Balanced Diet, And I Figured This Second Summer Salad Might Be More Appealing To Your Tastes Than Something More Greenery-Focused.  
TEREZI: 1  
TEREZI: UH  
TEREZI: TH4NKS K4N4Y4.  
TEREZI: LOOKS GR34T.

Kanaya poured you a glass of iced water.

KANAYA: It Will Also Be Important That You Remain Hydrated.  
KANAYA: Be Sure To Eat All Of That.  
KANAYA: The Main Course Will Be Coming Shortly.

Kanaya pushed her cart along, bringing fruit salads to Karkat and Dave. You pushed the contents of your nutrient plateau about, trying to bring order to the kaleidoscope of scents and flavors in front of you. You are well aware of the perception the others have of your, well, perceptions. You've never really made an effort to correct their misconceptions or clarify the exact nature of your condition. For the first time in your life, you might be regretting that decision.

It is true that you experience scent and flavor differently than your peers, and that as such your choice of foods were often influenced by their scent, and their scent by their apparent color, but the meal in front of you was, from your perspective, a collection of flavors you might have enjoyed individually mashed together and tossed into a nightmare amalgamation, not unlike what one might expect a wingbeast to regurgitate for it's young.

You are so distracted by the overpowering scent of this meal and your personal dread in considering how you are now being expected to consume it that you are largely caught off guard by the ragdolling form of Jake English plummeting down onto the table, landing squarely onto your nutrition plateau and sending the offending fruit concoction splattering in all directions.

You manage to avoid getting any of the offensive dish on your person, jerking your head to the side to avoid a stray slice of mandarin orange. Through the haze of fruit and dressing stench, you try to get a read on what just went down on the other side of the table. 

Though you anticipate the glow of an enraged rainbow drinker, that is not in fact what you smell from across the room. What you do smell is spilled merlot and two standing forms at the far end of the table. One, standing next to the nutrition cart, stepping away slowly, and the other, at the right hand of Jake's now-vacant seat, standing, covered from the head down in a goblet of spilled beverage, and fist extended in a strike that likely was the result of Jake English's unscheduled flight.

It does not take someone of your legislascerative talents to gather what just happened.

There is another scent, sharp and salty. There is no accompanying sound, but as hard as Roxy tries to hide it, you can smell his tears welling up, and as such you are the only one in the room not surprised when he storms off.

A long minute passes without anyone saying anything.

KANAYA: Terezi, Would You Like A Replacement Salad? I Didn't Make Extra But I Could Probably-  
TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: TH4NK YOU  
TEREZI: WOULD 1T B3 4LL R1GHT  
TEREZI: 1F 1 TOOK TH3 R3ST OF MY M34L L4T3R?  
TEREZI: 1N MY ROOM?  
KANAYA: I Feel That Given The Circumstances That Is Not At All An Inappropriate Request.  
Dave: Yo if not doing this whole awkward family dinner thing is an option I think I speak for everyone still with their wits about them at this table when I say that is probably the best option going forward for this and all future meals.  
KARKAT: WHO'S BRAIN-GENIUS IDEA WAS IT FOR ALL OF US TO MAKE A GRAND CEREMONY OUT OF THE SIMPLE ACT OF EATING FOOD?  
KARKAT: WAIT DON'T TELL ME  
KARKAT: HE'S UNCONSCIOUS FACE DOWN IN TEREZI'S FRUIT MESS RIGHT NOW.  
KARKAT: WHO ELSE WOULD THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.  
KANAYA: Well, To Be Honest, I Did Enjoy The Thought Of Having The Company Of Friends Together For A Change Of Pace But I Had Underestimated Jake English's Capacity For Disruption.  
KANAYA: I Should Have Known Better.  
KANAYA: Apologies.  
KARKAT: KANAYA I DIDN'T-  
KANAYA: No It Is My Fault, I Will Go Now And Prepare The Roast Grounded Wingbeast Into Loafstack Form For Ease Of Consumption In Your Respective Respiteblocks.  
KARKAT: GODDAMNIT KANAYA I-

But Kanaya had already left with the speed one could only expect of a rainbow drinker, a speed Karkat was famously unable to keep up with, even verbally.

DAVE: Excellently handled dude.  
DAVE: Just,  
DAVE: The smoothest operator.  
KARKAT: DAVE I SWEAR ON YOUR HUMAN T-POSING SUFFERER-

You are already standing from your seat. You have already seen a half-dozen variations of this song and dance from the two of them play out in your time back from paradox space. Nothing you do can affect the proceedings in any appreciable way. You consider going to check on your newly established moirail, but the more you consider it, the more you consider that your presence may, in fact, exacerbate her emotional state as she uses you as an excuse to attempt to distract herself from her current distress. An of misunderstood element of being a good moirail is knowing when *not* to be there.

You instead follow in the trail of your ship's first mate. Though you do not have the formal obligation to him that you do Kanaya, you sense that he is probably in much more immediate need of an emotional anchor. Roxy has, up until now, leaned on Jake English as an emotional touchstone, which seems understandable considering how long they have known one another. That said, he seems to have somehow underestimated Jake's emotional illiteracy, perhaps out of denial. Roxy's not dumb, as much as he may sometimes play the role in an attempt to appease his friends. He's a valuable asset to this mission, or, at least he might be if you can keep Jake from turning him into an emotional catastrophe. 

The scent trail of cheap wine and tears is easy to follow. It tracks that he'd head to the baths after all of that. 

You enter the Legs locker room on the left. Roxy's clothes are laying there, discarded to the floor. You step to the door and push it ajar, but do not enter the bath proper.

TEREZI: H3Y UH  
ROXY: please don't come in i can leave if you need but-  
TEREZI: NO 1 JUST  
TEREZI: 1'LL ST4Y H3R3  
TEREZI: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO CH3CK  
TEREZI: M4K3 SUR3 YOU W3R3 OK4Y.

There is a near-silent pause between the two of you. You cannot make out Roxy's scent through the haze of the bath, but you can make out quiet sobs and labored breathing. 

TEREZI: OR  
TEREZI: 4S OK4Y 4S C4N B3 3XP3CT3D  
TEREZI: G1V3N TH3 C1RCUMST4NC3S.  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: TH4T W4S FUCK3D UP OF J4K3.  
ROXY: *sniff*  
ROXY: right?  
ROXY: like he knows what i went through  
ROXY: we basically grew up together  
ROXY: as much as we grew up with anyone.

There's a harsh chuckle, the sort of which you are all too familiar with. Laughter in the face of something so fucked up it drifts into the absurd.

ROXY: sorry bout your salad.  
TEREZI: OF 4LL OF TH3 TR4G3DY 4ND LOSS OUR GROUP H4S F4C3D 1N R3C3NT H1STORY   
TEREZI: MY FRU1T S4L4D 1S M4YB3 TH3 L4ST ON MY M1ND.  
ROXY: thanks sis.  
ROXY: i just  
ROXY: i need some time alone.  
TEREZI: GOTCH4. 1'LL L34V3 YOU B3.  
ROXY: two things.  
ROXY: think i can get a couple quick favors from you?  
TEREZI: G1V3N TH3 C1RCUMST4NC3S 1 TH1NK 1 C4N 4GR33 TO TH3S3 T3RMS.  
TEREZI: JUST DON'T L3T TH3 OTH3RS KNOW 1 AGR33D SO 34S1LY.  
TEREZI: C4N'T GO G3TT1NG 4 R3PUT4T1ON FOR B31NG  
TEREZI: "H3LPFUL."  
ROXY: let dave and karkat know I need some time alone.  
ROXY: i usually try to schedule my bathing around them but right now i think i feel okay being a little greedy and asking for some me-time.  
ROXY: and can you get me some fresh clothes?  
ROXY: i didn't grab a change and i don't really wanna walk back to my room in nothing but a towel.  
ROXY: i know you can't get in my room but if you could just  
ROXY: i dunno alchemize something  
ROXY: or whatever  
ROXY: you've seen what i wear  
ROXY: i just don't wanna be half-naked walking through the ship.  
TEREZI: DON'T WORRY  
TEREZI: 1 GOT YOU.  
TEREZI: 1'LL WORK SOMETH1NG OUT.  
TEREZI: 4ND K33P K4RK4T AND D4V3 OUT OF YOUR H41R.  
ROXY: thank you.  
ROXY: i really...  
ROXY: thank you.  
TEREZI: 1'M GO1NG TO GO 4DR3SS TH3 D4VEK4T S1TU4T1ON F1RST.  
TEREZI: HOW LONG UNT1L YOU TH1NK YOU W1LL N33D THOS3 CLOTH3S?  
ROXY: no rush on that front  
ROXY: i think im gonna soak for a while.  
TEREZI: ROG3R TH4T.

You feel awkward making your exit, even with it being super clear both that you are leaving and what you are leaving to do. You feel like you should say more but you know for a fact that there is nothing more that can be said to reassure your crewmate. The best thing you can do right now is to set out to do what you promised to do. 

You are a little worried this is drifting dangerously close to the territory of pale infidelity, but you reassure yourself this is primarily rooted in maintaining the cohesion of your ship's crew and is purely vested in those interests. It is, at it's most salacious, a possible development of the condition chronic to the human society known as friendship.


	6. Chapter 6

You bang on Dave's respiteblock door. Based on the volume of the shouting going on you are about to interrupt a lover's spat, a passionate lovemaking session, or both.

KARKAT: FUCK OFF.  
TEREZI: 1 4SSUM3D TH4T 1S WH4T YOU H4D D4V3 1N TH3R3 FOR.  
DAVE: Oh jesus fuck Terezi what the fuck do you need right now.  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 A M3SS4G3.  
TEREZI: ST4Y OUT OF TH3 L3FT S1D3 L3G B4TH FOR NOW.  
KARKAT: WHAT IS ENGLISH HAVING A SOPOR WAKE-SICK AND EMBARRASSED FOR US TO SEE HIM AT PEAK PATHETIC?  
TEREZI: ROXY N33DS SOM3 T1M3 4LON3.  
TEREZI: 1F FOR SOM3 R34SON YOU C4NNOT 4B1D3 BY TH4T  
TEREZI: W3 W1LL H4V3 1SSU3S.  
KARKAT: CHRIST TEREZI I HEAR YOU CHILL YOUR CHURNBASKET.  
DAVE: Yeah we'll give him all the time he needs given  
DAVE: which may understandably be a minute given the absolute disaster the last hour or so has been.  
DAVE: Just like  
DAVE: Come knock and let us know when it's safe to take a bath again.  
TEREZI: W1LL DO.  
TEREZI: DON'T W4NT TO G1V3 K4RK4T 4NY MOR3 3XCUS3 TO 4VO1D B4TH1NG. >:P

There is a retort of some sort, but you are already on your way down the hall as it comes, far enough away from the door to not be able to make out the particulars. You have other business to attend to, and while your timetable isn't exactly set in calcified material, if you are going to address Lalonde's clothing situation, it will be best if you get the process rolling sooner than later.

As you approach a corner heading back towards the dining block, you smell Kanaya before she sees you, along with the smell of fresh bakeloaf, roasted wingbeast, and the closest approximation you've smelled to grubsauce since you left Alternia. You lean against the wall, preventing a messy and comedic collision as Kanaya rounds the corner in the sort of power walk she is prone to using when she is both stressed and trying to focus on something to distract herself from how stressed she is.

TEREZI: H3Y K4N4Y4.

Kanaya quite nearly proceeds to do the whole comedic food tray disaster thing on her own as she jumps in surprise.

KANAYA: Oh.  
KANAYA: There You Are.  
KANAYA: I Was Actually Hoping To Run Into You.  
KANAYA: It Struck Me That I Had No Way Of Leaving Your Food In Your Respiteblock As I Do Not Have Door Permissions.  
KANAYA: And, While I Prepared Loafstacks For Everyone,  
KANAYA: I Know You Have Developed A Particular Fondness For Your Respiteblock Both As A Refuge From Jake's Aesthetic Choices And The Socially Terse Situations He Seems Incapable Of Preventing Himself From Creating.  
TEREZI: I W4S 4CTU4LLY HOP1NG TO F1ND YOU TOO.  
TEREZI: W3 N33D TO T4LK.  
TEREZI: PR1V4T3LY.

Kanaya took a moment to attempt to discern your intentions. She is never more transparent than when she is attempting to be subtle.

KANAYA:...  
KANAYA: Okay.  
TEREZI: DOOR OP3N.

The two of you stepped into your respiteblock. You commanded it to close as your moirail took a seat in your chair. You sat across from her on your human bed.

KANAYA: I See You Have Been... Enforcing Some Agency Upon The Aesthetic Of Your Living Space.  
KANAYA: While It Is Not How I Personally Would Have Gone About it,  
KANAYA: I Can Appreciate The Effort.  
TEREZI: TH4NK YOU.  
TEREZI: 1 TRY.

You grin wide at Kanaya, who you suddenly realize is more... awkward in her stance than you are used to.

KANAYA: Terezi I...  
KANAYA: I Appreciate You Are Becoming More Comfortable And Familiar Around me.  
KANAYA: And, I Suppose I Should Have Addressed This More Discretely When We First Discussed The Specifics Of Our New Arrangement,  
TEREZI: >:?  
KANAYA: And, I'm Not Judging The More Flexible Interpretations Of The Quadrant Social Structure Or How Open Those Have Been Embraced On Earth C.  
KANAYA: But I Am Unsure I Made This Totally Clear But,  
KANAYA: I Am Not Interested In A "Pales That Pail" Sort Of Arrangement.

You cannot remember the last time you laughed as hard as you are laughing at right this very moment. You scarcely even register it as you roll off your bed. Your laughing fit would probably have gone on longer if not for the scent of jade flushing Kanaya's cheeks followed by the bright scent of her skin lighting the room as she lost control of her luminosity in her embarrassment.

TEREZI: SORRY K4N4Y4 1 JUST  
TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: 1 D1DN'T 4SK YOU IN H3R3 FOR 4 FRI3NDFUCK.  
TEREZI: 1 N33D3D TO D1SCUSS SOM3 T41LOR1NG WORK.

That dispelled Kanaya's embarrassment, perking her right up, though her glow remained.

TEREZI: C4N YOU M4K3 SOM3TH1NG FOR L4LOND3?  
KANAYA: Oh, For Roxy?  
KANAYA: I Certainly Could.  
KANAYA: But May I Ask What Brought This Up? Is This An Attempt To Cheer Him Up After The Unfortunate Diningblock Incident?  
TEREZI: TH4T 1S P4RT OF 1T.  
TEREZI: H3 1S SULK1NG 1N TH3 B4THS   
TEREZI: 4ND FORGOT 4 CL34N CH4NG3 OF CLOTH3S  
TEREZI: 4ND H3'S F33L1NG P4RT1CUL4RLY VULN3R4BL3 R1GHT NOW  
TEREZI: 4ND NOT UP TO 4 H4LF-N4K3D W4LK OF SH4M3 B4CK TO H1S RESPITEBLOCK  
TEREZI: 4ND WH1L3 1 COULD PROB4BLY 4LCH3M1Z3 SOM3TH1NG P4SS1BL3  
TEREZI: 1 F1GUR3D H4V1NG SOM3TH1NG N1C3 TO STRUT 4ROUND 1N M1GHT H3LP H1S D1SPOS1T1ON  
TEREZI: 4S W3LL 4S C3M3NT TH3 F4CT TH4T NOT 3V3RYON3 ON TH3 SH1P 1S 4S BL1ND TO H1S 3MOT1ON4L ST4T3 4S C4PT41N 3NGL1SH.

That last point feels a little excessive in the most objective sense, but you feel it important that you reassure Kanaya that your support of Roxy is at least somewhat rooted in self-interest to quell any worries Kanaya may have started developing that she may have competition to worry about.

KANAYA: Well, That Is All Quite Understandable.  
KANAYA: I Can, And Will, Do This. In Fact, The Supplies I Had Gathered For My Work On Jake's Wardrobe Will Serve As An Excellent Starting Point, Though I Will Need To Alchemize Some Additional Material In New Shades To Fit Roxy's Unique Aesthetic.  
KANAYA: We Should Definitely Move This Conversation To My Respiteblock. I Will Ask That You Bring The Loafstacks And That, While I Work On Roxy's New Look, You Take The Opportunity To Feed Yourself.  
KANAYA: Between The Events Of The Day And The Time Since My Last Feeding I Am Growing Somewhat Peakish.  
TEREZI: OK4Y BUT C4N YOU CUT TH3 GLOW?  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T W4NT TO G1V3 D4V3 OR K4RK4T C4USE TO P34K TH31R H34DS OUT 4ND  
TEREZI: 1NVOLV3 TH3MS3LV3S.

Kanaya suddenly seems quite a bit more aware of herself. She closes her eyes and does what appears to be some form of breathing exercise. You've seen her turn the glow on and off before. Under ideal circumstances, it is as easy as hitting a lightswitch for her. Right now it is taking her a non-zero amount of effort, though she still manages with nothing that could accurately be described as a "struggle."

You move down the hall with little issue. The shouting from Dave's respiteblock has grown louder, and there is occasionally the thump or crash of thrown objects, indicating that either the fight has grown worse or the sex has grown better. You and Kanaya don't make eye contact as you pass, leaving the situation without comment.

Once in Kanaya's respiteblock, the first thing that strikes you is that it is slightly more crowded than last you remember. All of the materials she was working with are still in here, though no longer pouring out into the hallway. She seems to have hung some of the excess cloth from the walls, giving the place a look much more reminiscent of her hive back on Alternia. This was likely the look she was going for when she was throwing things out of the commons area before takeoff, though Jake's interference meant she had to come to something of a compromise. 

Kanaya immediately goes to the alchemization terminal. To your surprise, the first things she produces are not new bolts of cloth, but instead an additional chair and a small table, the likes of which you might find outside of semi-fancy eating establishments.

KANAYA: Terezi You Are My Moirail But I Do Not Even Let My Wife Eat In Our Bed.

You take a seat at the table. It honestly feels kind of ridiculous to be seated like this in the middle of someone else's respiteblock but, at this point, between abstaining from snacking and having the last couple of hours dominated by running Jake English Damage Control you are the hungriest you have been since returning from paradox space. You uncover the nutrition plateau (never before have you seen nutrition plateau covers used this often outside of old television programs attempting to be twee. 

That said, the meal smells amazing. A plate of loafstacks, made with fresh, crusty bakeloaf, roasted wingbeast that was certainly intended as the main course for dinner, assorted greens and the closest approximation to grubsauce you have encountered since Alternia exploded (grubsauce being one of those things infamously difficult to get right using punchcard alchemy.)

Your attention is drawn back to Kanaya, who has retrieved a chilled bottle of iced water from a miniature thermal hull she had hidden away in the corner of her room. You had mistaken it for a decorative table at first due to it being covered in a throw-cloth. You take a moment to take note and remind yourself to ask for the punchcard code for that item before you part ways. Having a way to keep consumables on hand without having to leave the respiteblock could bee a vital tool in maintaining your sanity in the days to come.

You realize Kanaya is watching you, waiting for you to start eating. You consider pointing out that the intense pre-meal staredown is not helping your appetite but, given Kanaya's tendency towards verbosity, decide it is likely a much more direct solution to begin eating.

The loafstacks are good. Not the sort of thing you usually go in for when preparing meals for yourself, but perfectly serviceable. Mercifully, as you begin eating, Kanaya, giving a brief, appreciative smile, turns her focus from you and begins working on what you assume is some form of garment for Roxy, whom you are worried will have developed gills by the time you actually have clothes for him.

You polish off your plate. It was a large meal, but nothing absurd. While you were under the impression that Kanaya was largely focused on her work, she at no point missed a beat when you ran short of beverage, giving the impression that she was more invested in your meal than she let on. It wasn't too surprising, given her direct investment in your metabolism going forward. It was just uncanny how she was able to be so attentive to you with her back towards you. That is usually your trick.

You looked up from your meal. You are, frankly, somewhat baffled at the alacrity with which Kanaya was able to produce this whole ensemble. It was, maybe, not the sort of thing Roxy would wear every day, but this was sort of intended as something special, and it certainly was that. It was a 3-piece power suit in shades of purple matching his old scarf. It had his cat emblem monogrammed into the cuffs of the shirt and a pocket square in the shade of Void. Kanaya hand prepared everything, including smallclothes and a binder.

KANAYA: I Had To Eyeball Some Of The Measurements, So I May Need To Do Adjustments Later, But I Imagine Roxy Would Probably Like To Be Free To Traverse The Ship Again. 

She put the whole affair on a couple of clothes hangers, threw plastic covers over them, then captchalogued the whole ordeal. You stood, preparing to join Kanaya in presenting the gift, but Kanaya raised a hand and shook her head.

KANAYA: You Should Stay Here And Rest. I Will Have... Need Of You Shortly And Sleep Will Assist You In Processing Your Meal. You May Sleep In My Human Bed. Just Try To Dust The Crumbs Off Yourself First.  
TEREZI: 1  
TEREZI: *Y4WN*  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T  
TEREZI: FUCK  
TEREZI: 4 NAP 4CTU4LLY SOUNDS R34LLY GOOD R1GHT NOW.  
TEREZI: MY SL33P SCH3DUL3 H4SN'T B33N TH1S MUCH OF 4 MESS S1NCE TH3 M3T3OR.

You dusted yourself free of any trace food debris. Lacking external time values always did terrible things to your ability to manage your rest cycles. At least in paradox space, you had a constant task and physical exhaustion to drive your regularity. Jake had not deemed it necessary to install any sort of centralized timekeeping devices on the ship, at least not in such a way that was readily viewable by the crew, and individual schedules were already starting to skew in various directions.

You slip off your footwear and flop out atop the sheets of Kanaya's bed. You are aware of her waiting at the door for signs that you have fallen asleep, but at this point, you are actually too tired to be disquieted by the gesture. Sleep takes you before you are aware of Kanaya actually closing the door.


	7. Chapter 7

You dream of him.

It has been a long time since you've had a real dream. For most of your life, your dreams have been the domain of outside forces and out of body experiences. Dream Selves. Dream Bubbles. But, with the tethers of Sburb and Paradox Space broken, your mind is, for the first time since you were a wriggler, allowed to just, dream. 

And given its first opportunity to do so, you dream of him.

Unfortunately, because of this heightened level of dream awareness bordering on dream paranoia, you cannot let yourself get lost in the pleasant unreality of the dreamspace. You perceive John, see him, both as you see things and in an approximation of what you remember sight being based on your memories of other Terezis. He's... too flawless, you think. He says everything you want him to say. Even in parts of the dream where you grow combative with one another, he's too good at it. He never slips, never threatens to douse the engagement with an inappropriately dorky comment. He does everything just *too* right. Pushes back with just enough force, still ending up pinned below you in the grass. He reaches up to brush away a stray lock of hair that came loose in your struggle.

Wait holy shit that hand is real.

Your eyes shoot open mostly out of reflex, though it does little to affect your perception of the world around you. Kanaya is sitting on the side of the bed, looming over you. Her hand is the hand you percieved brushing hair out of your face. At some point, you must have tossed and turned onto your back. She is looming over you. She is very close. She is glowing.

Her hand freezes when your eyes snap open.

TEREZI: UH  
TEREZI: H3Y  
TEREZI: WH4TCH4 DO1N?

Kanaya withdraws her hand.

KANAYA: I  
KANAYA: I Just Wanted To Check On You.  
KANAYA: The Garment Has Been Delivered. Roxy Looks Much More Like Someone In Charge Of A Mission Of Great Import Than English Ever Has.  
KANAYA: I Took Some Time To Do Some Alterations After He Got Dressed. You Have Been Asleep For Some Hours Now. You Do Not Sleep Peacefully. I Have Never Seen Anyone Go From Smiling To Frowning In Their Sleep Quite So Often As You.  
TEREZI: DO YOU W4TCH P3OPL3 1N TH31R SL33P OFT3N?  
KANAYA: I Am A Little Embarrassed To Say Some Of The More Voyeuristic Habits Born Of Our Time On The Meteor Have Been More Difficult To Let Go Of Than Others.

Her glow intensified slightly. You could tell she was frayed around the edges, so to speak. She's been running on one project or another more or less nonstop since the ship took off. She was worn down, stressed, worried.

You catch her idly wetting her lips. Oh yeah, there was that, too.

You sit up, crossing your legs, hands in your lap. Something about this still feels like it's threatening vacillation of your newly formed partnership, but you try to put the thought out of your head. Your moirail needs to eat. That's not weird. Pretty much anyone else on the ship would be certain to make this weird for her. Dave and Karkat are too awkward, and the others are too... flirty. You are just being supportive.

TEREZI: SO HOW DO YOU W4NT TO H4V3 M3.

That did not come out as you intended.

KANAYA: Perhaps It Would Be Simplest If I Just Took The Lead. If At Any Point You Are Uncomfortable With The Proceedings Please Either Vocalize Your Concerns Or, If You Find Yourself Unable To, Tap On My Should Or On The Bed To Signal That I Need To Cease And Check On You. Is That Acceptable?

You Nod.

KANAYA: I Would Feel More Comfortable With A Vocal Affirmation At This Stage.  
TEREZI: 1F 1 G3T W31RD3D OUT OR OTH3RW1S3 W4NT YOU TO STOP   
TEREZI: 1 W1LL T4P OUT OR S4Y SOM3TH1NG.  
KANAYA: Then You Are Prepared For Us To Begin?  
TEREZI: *sigh*  
TEREZI: Y3S  
TEREZI: 1 AM PR3P4R3D FOR TH3 SUCC.

Kanaya smiled, almost a smirk, in response to that. She stood, slipping off her shoes and climbing onto the bed. You begin to turn to follow her as she crawls on the bed behind you, but she puts a placating hand on your shoulder.

KANAYA: You Need Not Move. I Will Position Myself Around You. You Simply Focus On Your Own Comfort.   
KANAYA: I Would Recommend Looking Forward At This Juncture.

You follow your moirail's instruction, facing forward. You are still aware of her presence. Your eyes need not face what your nose can follow, and her movements on the mattress are not exactly stealthy as it shifts under her.

She sits on the bed behind you, facing your back, one leg stretched out on either side of you. You understand that what is about to happen naturally requires a level of proximity but you are struck with how close she is to you right now. It takes a concerted effort not to jump as she speaks softly into your ear.

KANAYA: I Would Suggest Uncrossing Your Legs. You Are Going To Be Here For A Bit, And You Will Want To Maintain Good Circulation For What Is About To Happen.

You uncross your legs, extending them in front of you. Doing so, your body's natural reaction is to lean backward, but before you can even put a hand behind yourself to brace yourself you find that you are leaning into Kanaya, who gently hugs you around your midsection and rests her chin on your shoulder. 

It is about this time you are thinking that you are pretty sure it was Kanaya who was most concerned about the possibility of your relationship slipping into flushed territory and wondering if this is where you should say something to that effect. But you hold your concerns for now. Kanaya has a better understanding of the boundaries and courtesies of her human marriage than you do. Perhaps this is why she insisted that she take the lead so that she could ensure that those lines are not crossed, even if it feels like those lines might be getting run right alongside as your moirail begins running her fingers through your hair and nuzzling your neck.

You must admit, though, it feels nice. Aside from your time with Egbert, which was impulsive and frenetic in a cramped car at the end of the universe, you have not had much in the way of friendly, placating physical contact in some time. Kanaya's warmth at your back, the tingle of the nails of her left hand across your scalp, and her cheek against yours all help you release tensions in your body you'd been holding for so long that clenching those muscles had become your default state.

The bite comes without warning. There's a half-moment of panic as your body registers what is happening, then, as the moment passes, your body dips even deeper into relaxation. The hand in your hair is gently pulling your head to the side, giving Kanaya greater access to your neck and the hand around your midsection holds you to her, grounding you in the sensation of her presence, letting the rest of the room melt away.

It feels... good. Not in a sexual way so much as a comforting way. You could see how something like this could drift somewhere sexual, but right now you feel strangely at ease in your moirail's embrace. A logical part of your brain off in the distance wonders if this is some mechanic of a rainbow drinker's abilities that allow them to more effectively feed by lulling their prey into a sense of safety as their blood is drained from their body. But you shoosh that voice. You trust Kanaya. You could lay her like this for as long as she'd let you. Your breathing is falling into synch with one another, and her fingertips are gently drawing little circles on your scalp. The feeling of her drawing your blood has diffused into a dull, pleasant warmth at your neck. You've stopped trying to support your own body weight, leaning entirely into her, bringing your hands up to cup over hers at your waist.

For the first time in a long time, longer than you remember, you are without worry. You feel safe. You feel like everything is going to be okay. 

You cannot remember the last time you had this. You are not sure you ever had this in your life. The last moirallegiance you spent any time in was with Vriska and, to be honest, that was a concession on your part. You hoped that you would have time to get into your real feelings when all was said and done, so you reciprocated her pail feelings in bad faith. In hindsight, it was maybe kinda shitty of you to do, both to her and yourself.

This was something that's been missing in your life for a long, long time.

There is a change in the pressure at your neck, though still not an unpleasant sensation. You realize that Kanaya has gone from drawing blood from your neck to licking up the excess around the wound. You chuckle a little to yourself. She's so weird.

Suddenly you feel colder. Kanaya has leaned away from you for some reason and you suddenly miss her presence but you aren't in enough control of your facilities to communicate this to her. You feel her hands on your back, gently bringing you down to the bed on your side, such that your bite marks are facing upward. You can vaguely make out the sound of her retrieving something from the bedside table, then something else from the thermal hull. She puts something in your hands and says something reassuring. She gently guides it towards your face. There is a straw. A juice pouch of some sort, straw already inserted. You bring it to your lips. You are suddenly aware of how thirsty you are. You are able to make out the words Take It Easy, Gentle Sips. You feel something being adhered to your neck. You realize Kanaya is tending to your neck wound. The drink is cool on your tongue and in your food chute, and you can swear you feel the coolness of it spread throughout you as your body draws from it to replenish what it has lost. Kanaya is gentle and doting as she applies a covering bandage over the gauze on your neck, gently tucking a lock of hair behind your ear to keep it free of the adhesive. 

The bed shifts as she puts her supplies on the bedside table and you expect she is going to leave you to rest and recover. You are surprised when you feel her return to the bed, laying behind you, but too groggy to express that surprise. You can make out her voice more clearly now, whatever effect her bite had begun to clear.

KANAYA: I Can Leave You To Rest If You Would Prefer To Have Your Space, Or I Can Stay With You. Do You Want Me To Leave?

You shake your head. Words are difficult right now.

KANAYA: Would You Like Me To Stay In Bed With You?

You nod.

KANAYA: Would You Like Another Juice Pouch?

You weakly hold up the now drained juice pouch she handed you earlier, giving another weak nod. She stands, taking the drained juice pouch from your hand. The parallelism is lost on you at the moment. She brings you a fresh pouch of juice, gently putting it in your hands before laying down behind you and pulling the sheets of the bed over the two of you.

KANAYA: Is This Good?

You respond by shuffling backward towards her a little bit. You are not facing her, but you still sense her momentary surprise. You worry for a moment that you have been too forward, but then you feel her warmth at your back again and her arm wrapping around you. She gently presses her forehead to the back of your head, and you cannot process another thing before you fall fast asleep.

This time, your sleep is sound and dreamless. When you wake, you are a little disoriented at first. You don't recognize your surroundings and someone has their arm around you. Your pump biscuit starts to pound as you struggle to get a read on your surroundings, but you are buried in warmth and still hazy for reasons you don't totally understand.

You feel a hand on your cheek and a gentle shooshing.

KANAYA: It Is Okay. You Are Safe. I Have You.

Things begin to come back to you. The experience was so dreamlike you were unsure if it was something you actually experienced for a moment.

TEREZI: 1S 1T  
TEREZI: 4LW4YS L1K3 TH4T?  
KANAYA: Generally Yes, Assuming The Drinker Goes Through The Appropriate Effort To Be A Good Host.  
KANAYA: The Experience Can Be Significantly More Disorienting If Proper Care Isn't Taken To Assure The Comfort Of The Other Participant.

You can imagine, given stories of rainbow drinkers assaulting people in dark alleyways, how that sensation could be terrifying under other circumstances.

TEREZI: HOW OFT3N DO YOU N33D TO DO TH4T?  
KANAYA: I Can Make Do With One Feeding A Month With No Discomfort. I Can Benefit From More Frequent Feedings, But Feeding So Often From A Single Person Could Leave Them Anemic If Precautions Are Not Taken. Even With Rose Taking Iron Supplements When She Was In Good Health I Would Avoid Feeding On Her More Than Once A Month Outside Of Special Occasions.  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 AM COMFORT4BL3 W1TH DOING TH1S GO1NG FORW4RD  
TEREZI: 1 M34N

You turn over in the bed, facing Kanaya.

TEREZI: 1F YOU 4R3.  
KANAYA: I Am, Quite.  
KANAYA: I Greatly Appreciate This.  
KANAYA: Not Only The Feeding, Which I *Am* Thankful For, But Also Just Having You As A Moirail.   
KANAYA: When Rose And I First Got Human Married Rose Was My Entire Life And I Couldn't Have Been Happier.  
KANAYA: But As Rose's Health Deteriorated, I Found Myself Putting More And More Into Both Maintaining Our Relationship And Addressing What Had Been Our Shared Responsibilities In The Troll Kingdom.  
KANAYA: And, To Be Clear, I Did Not And Do Not Begrudge Her That In The Slightest.  
KANAYA: But, I Think, In The Time After Our Wedding, I Forgot How To Seek Out, Develop, And Maintain A Support Network Outside Of Rose.  
KANAYA: For All Of The Flaws Of Alternian Culture, There Is Something To Be Said For The Baseline Encouragement For Young Trolls To Maintain A Framework Of Other Individuals One Can Use To Ground Oneself.  
KANAYA: And, While I Maintained A Number Of Informal Friendships With Our Peers, I Did Not Have Anyone With A Formalized, Mutualized Interest In My Wellbeing Beyond That. I Think That Ultimately Put Undue Stress On My Human Marriage.  
KANAYA: That, I Think, Was The Opening Dirk Pressed Through To Take My Wife From Me.  
TEREZI: FUCK TH4T GUY.

That brought a smile to Kanaya's face. The mood was getting somewhat heavy, and you are glad to bring a little levity to the situation.

KANAYA: I Love Rose. I Have No Doubt That, As Long As I Have Her By My Side, I Could Go Until The End Of Time Without Needing To Seek Out Another Concupiscent Relationship.  
KANAYA: That Said, Once This Whole Thing Is Sorted Out And We Have Rescued Rose, I Might Need To Engage In A Dialogue With Her About Our Interpersonal And Social Needs Beyond One Another.  
KANAYA: And Pending The Result Of That Conversation, I Think I Might Be Interested In Pursuing Our Current Relationship Beyond The Immediate Pragmatic Ends Of Surviving This Journey With Our Sanity In Tact.  
KANAYA: If That Is A Thing You Would Be Interest In As Well, Assuming I'm Not Being Too Presumptuous. I Just-

You lean forward, gently pressing your forehead to hers in a calming gesture. Kanaya stop herself, taking a deep breath. You caught her winding herself up into an anxious ramble just in time to head it off.

TEREZI: 1 GOT YOU.  
TEREZI: FOR NOW L3TS WORRY 4BOUT G3TT1NG YOUR W1F3 B4CK.  
TEREZI: 4ND  
TEREZI: WH3N 4LL 1S S41D 4ND DON3  
TEREZI: 4ND YOU H4V3 TH4T T4LK  
TEREZI: 1F ROS3 IS DOWN W1TH 1T  
TEREZI: 1 WOULD NOT B3 OPPOS3D TO CONT1NU1NG TH1S 4RR4NG3M3NT.  
TEREZI: BOTH TH3 MOIR3LL3G14NC3  
TEREZI: 4ND TH3  
TEREZ1: UH  
TEREZI: OTH34 P4RT.

The two of you share a moment. Then, a voice rings through the brass pipe intercom system.

DAVE: Hey uh has anyone seen the captain? I think we lost him.


	8. Chapter 8

You and Kanaya make your way to the bridge after taking a moment to make yourselves look presentable. You are wearing a bright red scarf that Kanaya had thrown together in preparation for just this sort of occasion. Your bandage should be ready to remove tomorrow but, in the meantime, it is something you'd rather not have your crewmates remarking upon at every turn.

When you enter the bridge, Dave is at the pilot's seat, sitting backwards in the chair with one leg tucked under him, facing the rest of the room, festooned in his God Tier PJs. Karkat is in his usual attire and looks as though he may have been asleep only moments ago, though that is often just sort of Karkat's aesthetic. Roxy is rocking his new suit, though his demeanor feels less "I look like a million boonbucks" and more "I am in the mood to take 0 shits from anyone." Your captain is notably absent.

KARKAT: TEREZI WHAT ARE YOU WEARING.  
TEREZI: WH4T 1 C4N CH4NG3 MY MOD3 OF DR3SS WH3N THE URG3 STR1KES M3.  
KARKAT: ROXY'S NEW SUIT.  
KARKAT: YOUR ABSURD NEW FACEMUFFLER  
KARKAT: IS THERE SOME COORDINATED FASHION MOVEMENT SWEEPING THROUGH THE SHIP?   
KARKAT: IS ENGLISH GOING TO RISE UP OUT OF THE FLOOR AND PARADE DOWN A MAKESHIFT MEOWBEASTWALK IN SOME OVERWROUGHT CAPTAINS GARB LIKE A HIGHBLOOD FLARPER WITH MORE TIME AND MONEY THAN SENSE?  
ROXY: ...  
KANAYA: ...  
TEREZI: PROB4BLY NOT?   
TEREZI: JUST B3C4US3 SOM3 OF TH3 CR3W 1ND3P3ND3NTLY D3CID3D TO M4K3 SOM3 CH4NG3S TO TH31R NORM4L MOD3 OF DR3SS   
TEREZI: DO3S NOT ME4N TH3R3 1S SOM3 GR4ND F4SH1ON CONSP1R4CY.  
TEREZI: K4N4Y4 1S TH3R3 SOM3 SORT OF GR4ND F4SH1ON CONSP1R4CY.  
KANAYA: No.  
KANAYA: Such An Effort Would Be Fruitless In The Face Of Certain Members Of This Ship's Crew.  
KANAYA: Karkat You Know As Well As I Do That I Gave Up Sweeps Ago Trying To Get You To Present Yourself Better.  
KANAYA: Not For A Lack Of Trying.  
KARKAT: OKAY I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH THIS PARTICULAR LINE OF DISCUSSION.  
KARKAT: I AM TO UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE GATHERED HERE BECAUSE JAKE IS MISSING?  
KARKAT: BUT IT HAS NOT BEEN MADE CLEAR TO ME WHY EXACTLY THAT IS A PROBLEM AND NOT CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION?  
DAVE: Because I need to update our heading and make sure we are still on Dirk's trail.  
DAVE: And in his infinite wisdom, Jake decided to lock the bridge controls.  
KARKAT: THE FUCK?  
KARKAT: WHY?!?!  
DAVE: No clue. At first, I thought it might be some sort of precaution to keep himself from taking the wheel while drunk, but the whole thing seems to be tied to voice commands so that wouldn't even begin to stop him if that were the case.  
DAVE: And, while this isn't an immediate concern, there are a whole host of other functions that I cannot perform as pilot while the console is locked like this.  
DAVE: You know, little things.  
DAVE: Like turning.  
DAVE: Or stopping.  
DAVE: Or landing.  
DAVE: So we should probably get around to locating him sooner than later, otherwise if some space emergency comes up and I need to pull a sick space tokyo drift to dodge a meteor or something we'll be stuck on a crash course with whatever nonsense non-paradox-space decides to throw at us.  
DAVE: Also, you know, we will probably lose the trail on Dirk and Rose.  
ROXY: while being first mate does give me access to a lot of stuff that is otherwise locked off, my authority isn't enough to unlock the controls. i think he did that on purpose.  
ROXY: im gonna suggest an organized search.  
ROXY: we're gonna need to sweep the ship to figure out where he is holed up.  
ROXY: i'll take the crew quarters, as im the only person with access codes for all the doors.  
KARKAT: THE FUCK YOU SAY  
KARKAT: YOU ARE JUST GOING TO LET YOURSELF INTO MY PRIVATE QUARTERS AND TOSS MY DELICATELY BALANCED LIVING SPACE LOOKING FOR JAKE ENGLISH IN MY UNMENTIONABLES CABINET?  
KARKAT: I THINK THE FUCK NOT.  
ROXY: well what would you suggest then.  
KARKAT: I WILL ACCOMPANY YOU.  
KARKAT: TO ENSURE THAT THERE ARE NO  
KARKAT: FUCKING SHENANIGANS.  
TEREZI: 1'LL T4K3 TH3 3NG1N3 ROOM. 1 H4V3N'T GOTT3N TO SN1FF 4ROUND TH3R3 Y3T.  
KANAYA: You Should Take Dave With You.  
DAVE: What?  
TEREZI: >:?  
KANAYA: Someone Needs To Make Sure Terezi Doesn't Get Too Ambitious Smelling And Tasting Her Way Around Moving Parts.  
KANAYA: And Frankly Dave I Don't Entirely Trust You Not To Get Distracted In An Extended Snacking Session If Left To Search The Nutrition Block Unattended.  
KANAYA: So I Will Search There, And The Baths While I Am At It.  
ROXY: that would cover pretty much the whole ship as far as i understand it.  
ROXY: unless jake included some sorta secret passage or something  
ROXY: which tbh is totally something he'd do.  
ROXY: so keep your peeps out for that sort of thing I guess.

There was a collective exasperated sigh. Though this voyage would, strictly speaking, not have been possible without Jake, it has felt like he has been the single greatest source of damage to crew morale in the short few days since takeoff.

ROXY: so meet up here in an hour. oh and i made these.

Roxy tossed something to you. A pocket watch on a gold chain. you are a little annoyed how Roxy chose to play along with the theming of the ship, but you have been short any sort of concrete measure of time for, well, some time. She tosses similar devices to the rest of the crew.

ROXY: these are all synched up with the ships computer and double as comms devices. They'll help us keep some vague semblance of a normal schedule and let us stay in contact with one another.  
DAVE: They are desynched from each other by .3 seconds and off from the ship's internal time by 1.8 seconds.  
ROXY: show off.  
KARKAT: QUESTION.  
KARKAT: WHY COULD THESE NOT HAVE BEEN DISTRIBUTED AMONG THE CREW  
KARKAT: *BEFORE* OUR CROTCH-CHAFINGLY INCOMPETENT CAPTAIN UP AND FUCKING DISAPPEARED ON US?  
ROXY: he wanted to wait until we were all together  
ROXY: and in good spirits  
ROXY: before he continued with what he was calling  
ROXY: "the enwatchening ceremony."  
ROXY: there was supposed to be a speech and everything.  
KARKAT: HOLY FUCK.  
KARKAT: ARE WE ABSOLUTELY SURE WE NEED TO GO FIND HIM?  
KARKAT: I AM SUDDENLY VERY OKAY WITH HIM STAYING IN WHATEVER MISERABLE NOOK OF THE SHIP HE'S CRAMMED HIMSELF INTO.  
DAVE: Trust me I've tried but unless you want me to risk going at the console with a sword to unlock it we have pretty well exhausted all of the options that don't risk leaving the ship more fucked than it is right now.  
TEREZI: COM3 ON, D4V3. L3TS G3T 1NTO TH3 GRUBBY, SW3LT3R1NG GUTS OF TH1S B34ST.  
DAVE: You are way too excited about this. You're making it weird.  
TEREZI:H33H33H33H33 >:]  
ROXY: there is a hatch in here that will lead you down into the engineworks.   
ROXY: be safe down there  
ROXY: i don't know how much effort jake put into implementing safety protocols down there   
ROXY: but if the rest of the ship is any indication  
ROXY: there may be exposed lasers or crushing platforms included for dramatic effect.  
ROXY: and only one of you is guaranteed to survive a death that stupid.

The crew parted ways, and Dave raised the hatch leading down into the guts of the ship.

DAVE: Be careful, it's dark down there, and the stairs are steep.  
TEREZI: OH NO  
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R SH4LL 1 DO.  
TEREZI: W1THOUT MY POW3RFUL   
TEREZI: 4ND R3NOWN3D  
DAVE: Goddamnit.  
TEREZI: S3NS3 OF V1S1ON.  
TEREZI: D4V3.  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW 1F W3'V3 R4MBL3D ON TH1S P4RT1CUL4 TOP1C.  
DAVE: I know I get it you're blind I forgot.  
TEREZI: FUNNY 1'V3 N3V3R ONC3 M4N4G3D TO FORG3T TH4T D3T41L.  
TEREZI: 1T'S 4LMOST L1K3 1T 1S 1 P1VOT4L P4RT OF MY P3RSON4L1TY 4ND CH4R4CT3R D3V3LOPM3NT.  
TEREZI: HOW LONG H4V3 W3 KNOWN 34CH OTH34, D4V3?  
DAVE: Too fucking long now can we move on?  
TEREZI: OH NOW COM3 ON.  
TEREZI: DO YOU M34N TO T3LL M3  
TEREZI: TH4T YOU C4N T3LL 3XACT 1N4CCURAC13S 1N TH3 SH1PS T1M3K33P1NG SYST3MS  
TEREZI: BUT NOT HOW LONG W3'V3 CO3XIST3D 1N OUR MOST TR34SUR3D OF FR13NDSH1PS?  
DAVE: OKAY GOING DOW-

Dave failed to heed his own advice. He missed the second step, in part because of the darkness and in part because Terezi was demanding the maned catbeast's share of his attention. If not for Dave's God Tier status she might have been worried about his health and well being on the way down.

TEREZI: OH NO.  
TEREZI: D1D YOU F41L TO H33D THE 4DV1C3 YOU W3R3 THRUST1NG UPON M3?   
DAVE: Terezi I swear to God-  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW YOU KN3W TH3 D4NG3RS.  
DAVE: Don't you fucking-  
TEREZI: YOU W4RN3D M3 4BOUT ST41RS, BRO.  
DAVE: ...  
TEREZI: YOU TOLD M3, B4RKB34ST.  
DAVE: goddamnit that's not even the fucking line.

You make your way down the stairs. As you anticipated, whatever lack of light there was down here did little to dull your ability to maneuver the space. There's not enough space for the two of you to walk side by side, and you can clearly tell Dave's sprawled form at the foot of the stairs is blocking the way. That does not stop you from walking over him, stepping directly upon his chest in the process, leaving a dull shoeprint over the emblem on his chest.

DAVE: *oof*  
DAVE: Fucking  
DAVE: Terezi you did that on purpose.  
TEREZI: BL1ND, R3M3MB3R?  
TEREZI: M4YB3 DON'T L1E PRON3 1N TH3 P4TH OF TH3 BL1ND G1RL. >:P

In reality, you did not proceed over him *just* for the opportunity to walk on Dave, though that certainly did factor into your decision-making process. You wanted to be in front. This way, there would be no risk of Dave slowing you down with his eyes that need light to work and his concerns that you are being too reckless or curious. You continued onward, casually ducking under a low hanging bit of pipe. You could hear the sound of Dave scrambling to his feet paired with the steady step-step-pang of you moving down the hall with your cane.

DAVE: Yo Terezi wait up you're gonna hu*CLONG*  
TEREZI: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4

You continued on into the bowels of the ship. The smells of chemical reactions and viscous chemical lubricant gave the whole place a delicious acid drop aroma. The main room was dominated by the ship's engine, whose design made it appear to be some sort of steampunk monstrosity but that you know actually runs on alchemical fundamentals. 

You have to give Jake credit to Jake where it was due. Though Alternia's technical contributions to Earth C were generally far more advanced than what either former earth had to offer, Alternia's starship designs were not very compatible with Earth C's "Let's not enslave psiionics into a short lifetime of servitude as ship propulsion" platform. Jake and his engineers basically had to start from scratch, though you have it on good authority that Jade was consulted heavily in the process.

The result was an uncharacteristically remarkable design that managed to keep itself going via the conversion of random space debris into grist and grist into thrust. Even then, the engine was connected via sylladex-entanglement to the Earth-C Shared Grist Reserve, ensuring a functionally endless backup of fuel. Said link also powered the Alchemical Terminals throughout the ship, assuring that there was no shortage of food, water, air, or pretty much anything else that could be produced using punchcard alchemy. It also allowed for disposal of waste via converting it back into grist.

You try not to think about the fact that some of the food you have eaten may have been composed of some non-zero part bath-scum and excrement. 

There were separate rooms branching off the engine room for various sub-systems, but given all the moving parts and seemingly random gouts of steam, it was going to be slow going maneuvering the space.

You smell something bright cutting through the dark behind you. Apparently, the pocket watches have a flashlight function.

DAVE: Hey okay I get it you're better at getting around in the dark than I am.   
DAVE: It's still best we don't split up in case one of us gets hung up in some cogs or some shit.

You are having difficulty paying attention to what he is saying. You are distracted by the trickle of delicious crimson coming down from the cut on his forehead and the smear of it on his hand.

DAVE: Terezi are you listening to me? Terezi what's-

You absentmindedly lick your lips.

DAVE: Goddamnit Terezi NO.  
DAVE: Stay focused.  
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD L3T M3 T3ND TO YOUR H34D THOUGH.  
TEREZI: YOUR DEL1C1OUS3 CR1MSON FLU1D 1S  
TEREZI: GO1NG TO W4ST3.  
DAVE: Fuck Terezi  
DAVE: Did Kanaya turn you into one of her?  
DAVE: That's why you have that scarf on, right?  
DAVE: She put the bite on you.  
DAVE: And now I'm going to have to put you down Wesley Snipes Style.  
DAVE: While you act like some motherfucker  
DAVE: always trying to ice skate uphill.  
TEREZI: NO 1  
TEREZI: 1 M34N Y3S  
TEREZI: 1F YOU MUST PRY  
TEREZI: SH3 D1D G1V3 M3 TH3 SUCC.  
DAVE: Do you have to call it that?  
TEREZI: BUT 1T W4S JUST 4 MUTU4L SUST1N3NC3 TH1NG.  
TEREZI: SH3 ACTS 4S MY O4S1S OF NOT-DUMB ON TH1S SH1P  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 L3T H3R F33D.  
TEREZI: SH3 D1DN'T TURN M3 1NTO ANYTH1NG.  
TEREZI: YOUR UHH  
TEREZI: HUM4N V1T4L FLU1DS  
DAVE: *SIGH*  
TEREZI: H4V3 4LW4YS H3LD SOM3 4PP34L TO M3.  
DAVE: Terezi this would be weird even if we were a thing and we are very much not so I am going to ask you to chill the fuck out.  
TEREZI: 1 4M JUST CONC3RN3D 4BOUT YOUR H34LTH.  
TEREZI: L3T M3 DO SOM3  
TEREZI: F1RST 41D.  
DAVE: What with your tongue? Fuck off.

With that, Dave darted past you and the chase was on. In reality, you didn't actually plan on slurping Dave's head wound, but teasing him with the possibility was too fun to let go. He had a head start on you, but despite his ability to fly over floor-level obstructions your ability to maneuver in the dark combined with your generally higher level of physical activity over the last however-many years meant it was only a matter of time before you caught up with him, tackling him to the ground. You raised your arms in the air in triumph.

TEREZI: YOU C4N RUN  
TEREZI: BUT YOU C4N NO MOR3 3SC4P3 M3  
TEREZI: TH4N YOU C4N 3SC4P3 JUST1C3!  
DAVE: Okay you have mounted and straddled me and this is now peak weird can you please let me up.  
TEREZI: TH1S W4S 4 PUR3LY PL4TON1C 4CT OF CONC3RN FOR YOUR H34LTH  
TEREZI: FR4NKLY 1 4M OFF3ND3D TH4T YOU WOULD TRY TO M4K3 TH1S HORNY  
TEREZI: 1N COURTS OF 4LT3RN14N L4W  
TEREZI: HORNY P3OPL3 H4V3 NO R1GHTS. >:]  
DAVE: Bullshit I can hear you holding back fucking moans.  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: TH4T  
TEREZI: 1S NOT M3.

The two of you went silent, and in that silence, you could hear it. Labored breathing, small vocalizations, something that sounded like sobbing, and, very faintly, the rhythmic slapping of fleshmeat against fleshmeat.

From the door directly behind you.

You stood with a start, releasing Dave from the ground. He looked at you, and you nodded to him, letting him take the lead for a change. You hadn't noticed it before through the smell of the engine room, but at this proximity, you could only just make it out. A familiar fuckstench. 

Frankly, you were okay with Dave having to deal with the immediate consequences of opening that door first.

Dave threw open the door and barged in like he was expecting a fight. You're not sure if it was for dramatic effect or if Dave fundamentally misunderstood the source of the sounds. 

A few things happened in immediate succession.

Dave looked to his left at the source of the noise and stumbled backwards into a control panel that was now behind him, hitting several buttons.

You were able to catch the scent of the signage on the door. "SYSTEM CENTER"

A pained, artificial sounding moan tore through the engine room. One from a voice you realized you had heard before, more than once, most recently with the filter of the tinny brass-pipe intercom system, which is why you didn't recognize it as a voice you had heard previously.

That moan was picked up by the intercom system, which Dave's stumbling had opened to all channels, making sure what occurred next was heard by everyone on the ship.

???: [JAKE ENGLISH]  
???: [YEEEEEEEEESSSSS]  
???: [THIS HUMAN SEX IS SOOOO GOOOD.]

This was followed by unintelligible sobbing by what could not be mistaken as anyone other than Jake English, culminating in a guttural cry that marked what may have been the saddest orgasm in the history of Earth C were they not off-planet at the moment.

You stepped through the doorway, wafting away the fuckstank, to verify your suspicions. Laying under Jake English in a sloppy, freshly fucked mess, was the teal-blooded secretary you had caught Jake with before takeoff. Jake had... dismounted and was wiping tears and snot from his face. The tealblood, dressed in a teal cardigan with a black blouse, black skirt, and black flats with her symbol stitched into the cardigan, that of The Dogged, sat up and promptly pulled her skirt down, reaching over oh her desk she was moments ago being fucked upon to grab a pair of glasses and straighten them.

DAVE: Who  
DAVE: precisely  
DAVE: THE FUCK  
DAVE: are you?  
???: [THOUGH IT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO I STARTED WITH THE COMPANY]  
???: [IT IS ONLY TODAY THAT ANOTHER LIVING BEING HAS ASKED ME MY NAME.]  
???: [MY NAME IS]  
TEREZI: J4K3'S FUCKP3T?  
???: [NO]  
???: [THOUGH I HAVE CERTAINLY BEEN REFERRED TO AS SUCH]  
???: [BY INSUFFERABLE SMARTASSES]  
???: [BUT I WOULD MUCH PREFER TO BE ADDRESSED BY MY TRUE NAME]  
???: [SYSTEM CENTER]


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop died on the 14th. While the hard drive was recovered, I was without a computer for nearly a week and am, as a result, quite a bit behind. I'm going to try to rally a comeback. I just wanted to explain why the updates dropped off the way they did. Apologies.

ROXY: you did WAT?!?!!1!  
JAKE: Now, no one was forced to do anything against their will.  
JAKE: You are all taking this in far worse light and giving me remarkably little benefit of the doubt,  
JAKE: especially considering I am your captain and friend.

That appeal did not land with the gathered crew, now including the formerly unknown member, System Center, who had spent the first few days of the trip living in a largely bare metal room handling menial tasks and coming up when others were asleep to perform janitorial duties and waiting the rest of her time in her "room" making announcements, handling menial system tasks, and waiting for Jake English to come down to bring her food and have sex with her.

SYSTEM: [IT IS TRUE. I AM HERE WILLINGLY.]  
SYSTEM: [I KNEW THERE WOULD NOT BE A RESPITEBLOCK FOR ME WHEN I AGREED TO COME ON THIS JOURNEY]  
SYSTEM: [IT WAS A NECESSARY SACRIFICE]

There is one thing you must admit. You are no longer sure that she was faking when you caught her in Jake's office. She seems to just... sound like that.

KANAYA: Putting Aside The Fact That, Given Your Current Apparent Relationship, Cohabitation Should Have Been An Option,  
KANAYA: Why Was Your Presence On The Ship Kept Secret Until Now?  
SYSTEM: [WELL, GIVEN MISS PYROPE'S HOSTILITY TOWARD ME IN OUR FIRST MEETING,]  
SYSTEM: [IT WAS DECIDED THAT IT WOULD PERHAPS BE BEST TO REVEAL MY PRESENCE ONCE THINGS HAD SETTLED INTO A PATTERN AND MR. ENGLISH HAD PROPERLY ESTABLISHED HIMSELF AS THE WISE AND RESPECTED AUTHORITY OVER THE SHIP'S GOINGS ON.]  
SYSTEM: [IT HAD BEEN MY JUDGEMENT, BASED ON WHAT I HAD HEARD SO FAR, THAT SUCH A STATE HAD NOT YET BEEN REACHED.]  
KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCKING PALMHUSK.  
KARKAT: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN HEARING?  
SYSTEM: [PART OF THE DUTIES ASSIGNED TO ME ON THE CREW ROSTER]  
SYSTEM: [UNDER "All other duties"]  
SYSTEM: [BY CAPTAIN ENGLISH]  
SYSTEM: [IN HIS GREAT WISDOM]  
SYSTEM: [WAS "Crew Moral Management Officer."]  
SYSTEM: [I WAS TO OBSERVE CREW MORALE]  
SYSTEM: [WHICH I DID OVER THE INTERCOM SYSTEM]  
DAVE: The FUCK you did?!  
SYSTEM: [AND REPORT, TO CAPTAIN ENGLISH, MY FINDINGS.]  
SYSTEM: [BASED ON MY FINDINGS]  
SYSTEM: [AND THE FACT THAT FIRST MATE LALONDE PUNCHED CAPTAIN ENGLISH]  
SYSTEM: [AN ACT THAT DAMAGED HIS MORALE CONSIDERABLY]  
SYSTEM: [I DETERMINED THAT CREW MORALE WAS NOT YET IN A PLACE WHERE CAPTAIN ENGLISH REVEALING MY PRESENCE ON THE SHIP WOULD BE TAKEN IN GOOD LIGHT.]  
SYSTEM: [I WOULD SAY, BASED ON THE EXPRESSIONS OF THE CREW IN THIS MEETING AT THIS VERY MOMENT,]  
SYSTEM: [THAT MY FINDINGS WERE CORRECT.]

Everyone was taken aback by the revelation. Between the absurdity of the whole affair and the violation of trust, the only thing going for Jake English was the fact that most of the crew couldn't decide which violation they were most upset with.

KANAYA: You Mean To Tell Me That You Have Been Listening In On Everything Said On The Ship.  
SYSTEM: [MOST OF IT. I CAN ONLY LISTEN TO SO MUCH AT ONCE AND TAKE EFFECTIVE NOTES.]  
KARKAT: YOU HAVE NOTES?!  
SYSTEM: [YES. EXTENSIVE.]  
SYSTEM: [I HAVE TO CHOOSE AT TIMES WHICH CONVERSATION WILL BE MOST USEFUL AS A REFERENCE POINT FOR THET OVERALL MORALE OF THE CREW.]  
SYSTEM: [AS SUCH I DO NOT OFTEN TAKE NOTE OF CONVERSATIONS WITH CAPTAIN ENGLISH AS HE WILL ALREADY BE AWARE OF THE CONTENTS OF SUCH A CONVERSATION.]  
SYSTEM: [OTHER CONVERSATIONS, SUCH AS THOSE ON THE NATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN VARIOUS CREW MEMBERS, I HAVE TAKEN EXTENSIVE NOTES ON,]  
SYSTEM: [ALONG WITH OBSERVATIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS MOVING FORWARD FOR HOW TO ADJUST LEADERSHIP CHOICES IN LIGHT OF THESE DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS.]

Dave was crimson, though you are unsure how much of it is from anger and how much of it is embarrassment. Karkat was the same shade, though his emotional state was much more clearly through his balled fists and clenched teeth. Roxy's face betrayed nothing, but the subtle tremor and tension in his entire body betrayed either an impending blowup or break down.

Kanaya stepped to the front of the group, the perfect picture of poise, taking a moment as she walked to touch up her lipstick.

A moment later, a roaring chainsaw was spinning inches from Jake English's throat.

JAKE: WHOA NELLY!  
JAKE: Now now! No need to be hasty!  
JAKE: You don't strike me as the sort to go committing random acts of murder on esteemed members of leadership.  
KANAYA: You Clearly Do Not Know Me Very Well.  
JAKE: Well You Don't Strike Me As The Sort To Go Wasting Food.  
KANAYA: I Would Not  
KANAYA: In Your Wildest Dreams  
KANAYA: Begin To Consider Letting My Mouth Come Anywhere Near Your Living Form.  
KANAYA: Though I Must Admit To, Historically, Being Less Picky About Who I Feed From  
KANAYA: When They Are A Corpse.  
KARKAT: KANAYA WHILE I ABSOLUTELY RESPECT YOUR BILE-BOILING FURY AT THIS WALKING BRAIN-ANEURYSM  
KARKAT: RIGHT NOW WE HAVE MORE IMMEDIATELY PRESSING MATTERS.  
JAKE: ... is it the enwatchening ceremony-  
KARKAT: NO IT IS NOT THE ENWATCHENING CEREMONY I SWEAR TO YOUR SWEET T-POSING SUFFERER I WILL LET KANAYA END YOU IF YOU DO NOT COOPERATE.  
JAKE: eep

There is a long pause of what would be silence if not for the roar of Kanaya's chainsaw. Karkat puts a hand on Kanaya's arm, and she puts her lipstick away. She takes a deep, centering breath.

DAVE: So, if we have all of our death threats out of our system-  
TEREZI: 1 DO NOT BUT FOR TH3 S4K3 OF 3XP3D13NC3 1 W1LL 4LLOW TH1S TO CONT1NU3.  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: Jake, I need to check our heading and assure that we are still on the right course and that nothing is in our path that might kill us.   
DAVE: To do that, I need access to the pilot's console.  
DAVE: For some reason, the pilot's console is locked and needs your authorization.  
DAVE: I do not know why it needs your authorization, as pilot stuff is implicitly a job you gave me to do  
DAVE: explicitly so that you wouldn't have to be on hand whenever it needed to be checked  
DAVE: explicitly because you "had many other duties to attend to as Captain  
DAVE: which apparently was code for "getting explicit with my secretary."  
DAVE: but now would be an excellent time to fix that,  
DAVE: so that I can do my job  
DAVE: and we can break up this incredibly awkward little circle jerk.  
DAVE: So if you would kindly unlock the pilot controls,  
DAVE: I can make sure we are still on the right path  
DAVE: and everyone can go back to ignoring you instead of wanting to do you grave bodily harm.

Jake started to walk over to the pilot console, but stopped, looking conflicted, before turning to the rest of the group.

JAKE: ... you see, the thing is, I am sort of thinking that right now the fact that you cannot get on getting along without my express approval as Captain is the only thing about me being captain that you all actually recognize.  
DAVE: Jake what are you-  
KARKAT: UNLOCK THE FUCKING CONSOLE YOU CHUMGARGLING FUCKPAIL.  
JAKE: You see, that's exactly what I am talking about. The moment I'm not being explicitly useful to you it's yelling, threats, and weird, gross, entirely improper insults.  
TEREZI: TH3 ONLY TH1NG W31RD 4ND GROSS GO1NG ON R3C3NTLY   
TEREZI: 1S TH3 NUMB3R OF T1M3S 1'V3 H4D TO SM3LL YOUR GROSS, STR4NG3LY SM4LL HUM4N BULG3.  
TEREZI: D4V3 4R3 TH3Y 4LL L1K3 TH4T?  
DAVE: Not even going to begin to answer that one.  
TEREZI: 1T W4S 4 JOK3.  
TEREZI: 1 4LR34DY KNOW 4BOUT YOUR HUM4N BULG3, D4V3.  
DAVE: Fucking whoa hold the fuck up!  
DAVE: It is bad bathhouse etiquette to stare at the junk of others.  
TEREZI: 1 W4S NOT ST4R1NG.  
TEREZI: 1 4M PHYS1C4LLY 1NC4P4BL3 OF ST4R1NG.  
TEREZI: 4LSO NOT 1NT3R3ST3D. 1 H4V3 TH4T 1NFORM4TION  
TEREZI: FROM OTH3R SOURC3S.

You love the color Dave turns when you say that sort of thing around him in a public space. You may never have been a "thing" in this timeline but you will never fail to get some level of joy out of teasing him like this.

The rest of the room does not seem to get the same level of joy out of Strider's suffering that you do. You can sense a general level of discomfort. Many of the others are beginning to turn colors, including and especially Karkat.

JAKE: So are we at the conclusion of this little meeting? I'd like to pop off to the baths for a bit. You know, wash off the eau de amour.   
KARKAT: NO YOU WILL SIT ON YOUR PLUSH AMAZING RUMP AND MARINATE IN YOUR FUCK RESIDUE UNTIL THIS SITUATION HAS BEEN RESOLVED, WHICH STARTS WITH YOU UNLOCKING THAT FUCKING CONSOLE YOU ECTOBIOLOGICAL MISTAKE.  
JAKE: And if I unlock the console, I will be free to take my leave?  
KANAYA: It Is Safe To Say That You Will Be One Step Closer To Your Freedom And One Step Further From A Violent, Bloody End.

Jake was still hesitant, but after a few absurdly strained moments of internal decision making from Jake English, he laid a hand on the console. The covering over the panel slid away.

SYSTEM: [PILOTING PANEL UNLOCKED]  
KARKAT: HOLY FUCK WAS THAT ACTUALLY JUST YOU SAYING SHIT THIS WHOLE TIME?  
SYSTEM: [IT IS, IN FACT, A PART OF MY DUTIES ABOARD THIS VESSEL.]  
DAVE: Okay so how long is this going to stay unlocked?  
JAKE: Until I re-lock it, once you are done.  
KARKAT: HERE'S A COUNTERPROPOSAL.  
KARKAT: YOU DON'T RELOCK IT.  
KARKAT: AND WE LET YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS.

Jake let loose a sound like a small, frightened animal.

TEREZI: 1 DO NOT KNOW 1F TH4T W1LL B3 SUFFF1C13NT 1N TH1S P4RT1CUL4R C4S3.   
TEREZI: WH4T GU4R4NT33 DO W3 H4V3   
TEREZI: TH4T H3 W1LL NOT JUST LOCK 1T 4G41N   
TEREZI: TH3 N3XT T1M3 H3 D3C1D3S TO THROW 4 T4NTRUM?  
JAKE: I am NOT throwing a TANTRUM!   
SYSTEM: [I MIGHT BE ABLE TO OFFER A SOLUTION.]

Everyone was taken aback by System offering unsolicited input and paused to hear her out.

SYSTEM: [THE LOCKOUT FUNCTION CANNOT BE DISABLED]  
SYSTEM: [BUT IT IS TIED TO THE ROLE OF CAPTAIN.]  
SYSTEM: [WERE JAKE ENGLISH NO LONGER CAPTAIN]  
SYSTEM: [THERE WOULD BE NO REASON TO REMOVE HIS HANDS.]  
JAKE: System that sounds like you are suggesting a mutiny.  
SYSTEM: [COUNTERPOINT: WE ARE ALREADY WELL INTO THE TERRITORY OF MUTINY]  
SYSTEM: [AND FRANKLY I AM LESS INVESTED IN YOU CONTINUING IN YOUR ROLE AS CAPTAIN]  
SYSTEM: [THAN I AM IN YOU KEEPING YOUR HANDS.]  
SYSTEM [WINK]  
DAVE: Did she seriously just say wink out loud.  
TEREZI: 1 FOR ON3 APPR3C14T3 TH3 3FFORT TO K33P M3 1N TH3 LOOP.  
KANAYA: So, We Have Our Solution. Jake Has Proven Himself Incapable Of Managing The Responsibilities Of Captain, Of That There Is No Question. The Question Is, Who Should We Give That Responsibility To Going Forward.

There was a long silence as everyone pondered the situation.

KARKAT: CLEARLY I-  
TEREZI: ROXY 1S TH3 N3W C4PTA1N.  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
ROXY: what?  
SYSTEM: [UNDERSTOOD. I WILL MAKE THE APPROPRIATE CHANGES TO THE CREW LOG]

System ducked into the passageway under the bridge before the crew could gather themselves. Karkat was the first to realize what was happening and sputtered into a frothing rage.

KARKAT: WHAT  
KARKAT: THE  
KARKAT: FUCK TEREZI!?

Karkat attempted to throw open the hatch dramatically, but given the amount of effort it took for him to lift it, the effect was largely ruined. He ducked down after System, who already had something of a head start on Karkat before his struggle with the hatch.

ROXY: hey uh  
ROXY: i don't know about all of this  
ROXY: me as captain stuff.  
ROXY: it sounded like karkat wanted the job and i don't want to make it a big thing between us because i got the job when he wants it more than i do  
TEREZI: ROXY  
TEREZI: TH1S 1S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD  
TEREZI: 4ND TH3 GOOD OF TH3 SH1P.  
TEREZI: K4RK4T 1S 4T H1S B3ST WH3N H3 DO3SN'T W4NT TH3 THRON3.  
TEREZI: 4ND 4T H1S WORST WH3N H3'S TH1RST1NG FOR 1T.  
TEREZI: YOU W4NT TO K33P TH3 P34C3?  
TEREZI: K33P 3V3RYON3 H4PPY W1TH 34CH OTH3R?  
TEREZI: GR4TS. TH3 SH1P 1S YOUR R3SPONS1L1TY NOW.  
ROXY: i mean it's not official yet right?

There is a pulse of color through the command panels on the bridge. A voice, now familiar, echoes through the intercom.

SYSTEM: [ROXY IS NOW DESIGNATED "CAPTAIN" OF THE INDEPENDENT ADVENTURE VESSEL "BOLD ASSERTION."]  
SYSTEM: [JAKE ENGLISH IS NOW DESIGNATED "CARGO" ON THE INDEPENDENT ADVENTURE VESSEL "BOLD ASSERTION."]

It is joined by another familiar voice.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK.  
KARKAT: WE WEREN'T DONE TALKING ABOUT WHO SHOULD BE CAPTAIN.  
KARKAT: AND WHY IT SHOULD BE ME.  
KARKAT: ROXY HAS NO EXPERIENCE AS LEADER.  
SYSTEM: [I FIND THE ALACRITY WITH WHICH YOU HAVE LOST ANY REMAINING SENSE OF COOL YOU MAY HAVE HAD TO BE ADEQUATE EVIDENCE OF YOUR LACKING QUALIFICATION AS CAPTAIN.]  
SYSTEM: [FURTHERMORE, ALLOWING THE DISCUSSION TO CONTINUE WOULD HAVE ONLY SERVED TO FURTHER FRACTURE CREW COHESION.]   
SYSTEM: [I FOUND MS PYROPE'S SUGGESTION TO HAVE MERIT AND CHOSE TO ACT ON IT WITH THE AUTHORITY VESTED IN ME BY THE OWNER OF THE SHIP JAKE ENGLISH BEFORE THINGS BECAME HOSTILE.]  
KARKAT: I WILL SHOW YOU FUCKING HOSTILE.

There is the sound of a scuffle of sorts. It is difficult to tell exactly what is going on. Worried looks are exchanged between the crew. There is the sound of something or someone being slammed down near the microphone. When voices next come through the intercom, the speakers are uncomfortably close to the mic.

SYSTEM: [OH DEAR.]  
SYSTEM: [MR. VANTAS.]  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
KARKAT: CHANGE THE CAPTAIN SETTINGS.   
KARKAT: THIS IS DUMB AND YOU'VE WASTED ENOUGH OF MY TIME AS IS.  
SYSTEM: [I DID NOT KNOW YOU WERE WISHING TO PURSUE THIS SORT OF RELATIONSHIP WITH ME.]  
KARKAT: THE FUCK?  
SYSTEM: [THOUGH STRICTLY SPEAKING, IF YOU ARE INTERESTED,]  
SYSTEM: [WHAT JAKE AND I HAVE COULD BEST BE DESCRIBED AS,]  
SYSTEM: ["PALES THAT PAIL"]  
SYSTEM: [AS THE YOUTH IS FOND OF SAYING.]  
SYSTEM: [SO MY BLACK ROM QUADRANT,]

There is the sound of a body shifting.

KARKAT: GAH!  
SYSTEM: [IS OPEN]  
KARKAT: YOU PUT THAT THE FUCK AWAY FUCK THIS FUCK

Karkat's voice fades as he leaves the room, his stomping and shouting fading out from the intercom as it faded in from the hatch as he approached. Dave helped open the hatch for him. You cannot remember the last time you smelled him in this shade. Everyone looked at him as he emerged and, suddenly, he was out of words. He was still fuming, however, and stomped out of the room, stopping only a moment to look at Roxy.

KARKAT: YOU CAN FUCKING HAVE IT.  
KARKAT: FUCK THIS SHIP  
KARKAT: FUCK EVERYTHING.  
KARKAT: I'M GOING TO THRASH IN IMPOTENT FURY AT MY EXISTENCE IN MY UTTERLY INADEQUATE HUMAN BED UNTIL I TIRE MYSELF INTO UNCONSIOUSNESS.

Karkat stormed off. Moments later, Dave left after him wordlessly at a less hurried pace.

JAKE: Can I keep my hat?


	10. Chapter 10

While you knew there would likely be some fallout from your assertion that Roxy should be assigned as the new captain, you were not entirely aware of the size of the throwable bomb fruit you were pulling the pin on. Karkat has not opened the door to his respiteblock since the whole ordeal, not even for Dave. Jake similarly locked himself up, though no one has cared to actually check on him. Roxy has spent most of his time on the bridge, largely silent. Dave still checks in on Karkat, trying to get him to open up or talk to him, but gave up after an hour on just camping out outside his door and moved about the ship performing his duties, eating, and soaking alone in the baths for extended periods. He avoids talking to you, and other than Karkat's door only really speaks at length to Roxy, and then mostly just about ship matters.

You have, for the time being, spent most of your time in your room. You got permission to get back to your usual diet for the time being from Kanaya, so you've found little reason to leave your respiteblock. Though they lack bathing accommodations, they do have their own load gaper closets, which means between that and the alchemical panel, you only really need to leave to bathe and do laundry.

It has been a week since the crew meeting. You have left your room once in that time, once briefly to check in with Kanaya about the whole eating thing. Since then, you have not been bothered, nor have you bothered to check in on the rest of the crew. There were clearly some hurt feelings over your decision to make a fiat call on the whole captain situation, but you feel pretty certain it was the right call and don't feel like defending yourself to anyone right now. You also disabled the intercom in your room. Even though System promised she would cease leaving channels open to listen in on unsuspecting crew members you do not feel like taking that particular risk, even if you haven't actually had anything to say in the confines of your respiteblock. It is starting to appear that you may be able to make the rest of this journey undisturbed.

So this would, of course, be the moment someone would come knocking at your door. At first, you think about feigning being asleep. Your lights are out at the moment. It's plausible.

More knocks. Probably Kanaya.

TEREZI: OP3N DOOR.  
KANAYA: Terezi What On Earth Are You Doing In Here?  
TEREZI: AG1NG, MOSTLY.  
KANAYA: It Smells Like A Vagrant Has Been Squatting In A Wriggler's Art Supply Closet In Here.  
KANAYA: I Know I Said You Could Have Some Of Your Chosen Snacks But I Cannot Allow This To Go On. This Is Verging On Self Harm.  
TEREZI: *S1GH*  
KANAYA: Terezi I Would Like To Have A Session Of Feelings Expression With You.  
KANAYA: But I Must Insist This Pale Meeting Of Feelings Be Accompanied With A Bath.  
KANAYA: And A Change Of Clothes.  
TEREZI: LOOK  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T W4NT TO D34L W1TH TH3 R3ST OF TH3 CR3W R1GHT NOW.   
TEREZI: 1 KNOW 3V3RYON3 1S H1GHLY SOD1UM S4TUR4T3D 4T M3   
TEREZI: T4K1NG TH3 R31GNS ON TH3 C4PT41N D3C1S1ON BUT 1 STAND BY TH4T C4LL 4ND-  
KANAYA: Terezi That Was A Week Ago.

You knew that. Your timepiece communicator has been functioning properly, though it took you a couple of days to figure out how to disable the 6am alarm. You just, after so much time in paradox space, maybe didn't remember how much time a week was on the scale of normal planetary life. You oftentimes went a week between meals, if not longer. You hadn't really thought about how taking *a week* to yourself in your room might be viewed in the context of living with others in a cohabitation situation, let alone in the context of your budding moirailship with Kanaya.

TEREZI: HUH.  
TEREZI: GOOD PO1NT.

You turn the lights back on. Though not much changes for you, Kanaya physically recoils at the sight of your room.

KANAYA: While I Can Appreciate The Walls And Ceiling,  
KANAYA: I Am Not Wading Through That Floor.  
KANAYA: I Am Going To Wait Outside.  
KANAYA: If You Are Not Out In Five Minutes,  
KANAYA: I Will Return With A Noose With Which I Will Ensare You And Drag You From This Filth.   
KANAYA: You Do Know There Is A Waste Disposal Chute In Your Respiteblock, Yes?  
TEREZI: CLOS3 DOOR.

There is a lot of garbage in your room, now that you think of it. Dirtied nutrition plateaus, discarded boxes of chalk, piles of clothes you changed out of but never left to launder, all in a shin-high layer across your floor. Okay, maybe Kanaya has a point.

When Kanaya starts knocking at the door again she does not, in fact, have a noose, a fact that you find mildly disappointing. You figured it'd add to the homeyness of the place. 

TEREZI: OP3N DOOR.  
KANAYA: Well, That Is Somewhat Improved. How Did You Manage Your Laundry So Quickly?  
TEREZI: G4RB4G3 CHUT3.  
KANAYA: What?  
TEREZI: 1 4LCH3M1Z3D 4LL OF 1T TO B3G1N W1TH. F1GUR3D 1D JUST R3TURN 1T FROM W3NC3 1T C4ME.  
KANAYA: Everything?  
TEREZI: NO. 1 ST1LL H4V3 TH3 SC4RF, TH3 OUTF1T 1M W34R1NG, 4ND TH3 CLOTH3S 1 4RR1VED 1N.

You neglect to mention the wallet, which is currently in a drawer under your human bed, along with the scarf Kanaya gave you.

KANAYA: Well, It Is No Matter. I Hope You Don't Mind My Presumption, But I Have Prepared And Outfit For You.   
KANAYA: I Wasn't Sure If You'd Have Anything Clean On Hand, And I Thought It Would Be Fun To Try To Design For Your Tastes.   
KANAYA: But First, You Need A Bath. Urgently.  
KANAYA: I've Ensured We Will Have A Bath To Ourselves This Evening, So You Need Not Worry About The Judgements Of Our Crewmates.  
TEREZI: K4N4Y4 YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO SOM3 GR34T L3NGTHS TO 4SSUR3 TH4T W3 4R3 4LON3 4ND NUD3 TOG3TH3R SOM3WH3R3 TH4T PROV1D3S PL4US1BL3 D3N14B1L1TY.  
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3

You continue to chuckle to yourself as Kanaya takes your hand, rolling her eyes as she leads you out into the hallway.

Kanaya has a much more extensive selection of ablution products than you are used to. You are unsure that there are as many ways for a troll to wash herself as there are products in her towel-clothed bag. You are even more impressed by the fact that true to her word, you do not encounter anyone else on your way to the baths. Given the relatively small size of the ship, you have to assume Kanaya made a point to arrange this. It probably doesn't hurt that it is, by the ship's standards, sleeping hours.

She leads you to the triangle-legged half of the baths. You are still unsure what this signage is actually supposed to delineate but you figure you might ask Kanaya if you need to force a change of topic. Your nose notes a stronger presence of pastels in the design of the locker room, but it is otherwise quite similar to the normal legs side of the baths.

Kanaya releases your hand and turns to you.

KANAYA: I Hope Whatever Has Stricken You Has Not Robbed You Of Your Ability To Disrobe.   
KANAYA: Do Not Take This As An Affront But I Would Rather Not Come Into Further Contact With You Until You Have Had An Opportunity To Rinse Off At The Very Least.

With that, she turned her back to you and began to disrobe. You do the same, doing your best not to pay attention to your moirail disrobing across from you. You are struck by the contrast between the two of you, more than anything. You are peeling filth-stuck jeans and a t-shirt from your form. She is gracefully undoing catches on her skirt, swirling it free from her legs in a motion that is hard not to pay attention to as she drapes it over her arm and hangs it in one of the lockers. Your hair is even more disheveled as you pull your shirt over your head. Though her shirt also tousles her hair, it somehow looks arguably even better that way.

It strikes you that perhaps this line of thought and observations are not entirely appropriate given the nature of your relationship. You suddenly wish your sense of smell was as directional as most people's sense of sight. You are also suddenly hyper-aware of your own smell contrasted by the perfumy bath scents of the room.

KANAYA: I Was Largely Speaking In Jest About You Lacking The Ability To Disrobe. Please Do Not Escalate The Joke Further.

You realize you stopped what you were doing when you got lost in your own head. You finish disrobing, leaving your clothes in a pile on the floor. Putting your soiled garb in one of the lockers seems like a waste, and cause for the locker to need to be washed afterward. 

Kanaya has wrapped herself in a towel, managing to make it look like the towel was designed to be worn. She extends a towel to you, keeping her gaze turned to the side. You take the towel, but do not wrap yourself in it, holding it in your hand just high enough that it does not drag across the floor.

KANAYA: Yes, Well.  
KANAYA: We Should Begin.

Kanaya left the locker room, and you follow closely behind.

The Triangle Leg Baths have a similar pastel aesthetic to the Triangle Leg Locker Room but is otherwise quite similar in its opulence and unnecessary size. There are shower spouts for washing off and an outright excessive main bath area, along with smaller ablution traps for purposes you are not entirely sure of.

You fight the urge to do a cannonball into the bath, knowing it to be just deep enough in parts to allow for it.

You lose that fight.

KANAYA: *Sigh*  
KANAYA: Well I Will At Least Say This Is An Improvement Over You Sulking In Your Respiteblock.

You hear this as you breach the surface of the water. You can taste that there have been some sort of mineral and herbal additives used here that are different from the legs bath, a fact you find curious but not worth remarking on at the moment as your moirail lowers herself into the bath, hazy at the edge of your perception in the humid, perfumy confines of the triangle leg bath. She begins to retrieve something from her bag, you assume various ablution supplies, and you suddenly realize you left all of yours in your respiteblock.

You already feel quite a bit better. Sometimes you don't realize how much you need a scrub down until you're neck-deep in scalding people juice.

KANAYA: Terezi, Come Over Here, You'll Be Needing Supplies If Nothing Else.  
TEREZI: K4N4Y4   
TEREZI: 1F YOU 4R3 ST4RT1NG TO D3V3LOP3   
TEREZI: M1ND B4S3D S33R POW3RS BY OSMOS1S  
TEREZI: YOU H4V3 TO T3LL M3  
TEREZI: OTH3RW1S3 1T'S 3NTR4PM3NT.

You wade over to Kanaya, taking a seat on the submerged ledge around the edge of the bath. She is much, much clearer to you now. She hasn't dunked her head into the scented water yet and the heat is causing her to perspire. You are more aware of that than you are comfortable with.

KANAYA: I Have A Selection Of Products Available For Dermal Maintenence As Well As Hair Purification.  
TEREZI: OK4Y SUR3 JUST ON3 MOM3NT.

You plunge your head underwater again. You need a moment. You know these thoughts are not appropriate. You know they are likely due in some part to the fact that you have largely isolated yourself in recent days and that Kanaya is the last source of friendly contact you've had since Egbert perished in your arms. You just need to turn everything off for a moment and gather yourself. Kanaya is your moirail and is human married. Vacillation would be highly inappropriate in this scenario and she has made it very clear that she feels that way and oh shit oh shit you need to breath.

TEREZI: *G4SP*  
KANAYA: ...  
TEREZI: *COUGH COUGH G4SP COUGH H4CK*  
KANAYA: So  
KANAYA: Maybe We Can Start With Your Hair?  
KANAYA: What Brand Of Hair Purifier Do You Normally Use?  
TEREZI: TH3Y COM3 1N BR4NDS?

Kanaya was already reaching for a bottle. You suspect she may have expected your response. You are momentarily struck with worries that you may be becoming predictable in your banter. You wonder, though, why she is blushing if that is the case. Probably just the heat from the bath. Yeah. that's it. 

KANAYA: Turn To Face Your Back Towards Me, Please.

You are just mindful enough still of the world around you for her request to register. You do so, and a moment later you are struck with the sensation of some form of hair purifier being poured atop your head, followed by the sensation of Kanaya's fingertips running across your scalp. You feel tension you didn't realize you were carrying begin to release and you have to lean against the edge of the bath to resist trying to lean back into Kanaya.

KANAYA: You Do Know, If This Is What You Wanted, There Are Better Ways To Ask Than Locking Yourself Away For A Worrying Period Of Time.  
TEREZI: ...  
KANAYA: I Do Not Think Your Seclusion Is Entirely About You Being Worried That The Rest Of The Crew Might Be Cross With You.

She finished lathering your head. You sat up, coming out of the daze brought on by Kanaya's ministrations, and prepare to dunk your head underwater, but Kanaya catches you.

KANAYA: No, Let That Sit For A Few Minutes. You Need A Deep Cleanse Top To Bottom. Let That Do It's Work While You Wash The Rest Of You.  
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT.  
TEREZI: YOU H4V3 4N 4BLUT1ON BR1CK 1 C4N US3?  
KANAYA: No.  
KANAYA: If We Are Going To Be Moirails, I Cannot Abide By You Having So Lacking A Dermal Care Treatment That You Would Resort To Using A Generic "Ablution Brick."   
KANAYA: Here.

Kanaya hands you another bottle and an ablution cloth.

KANAYA: Build That Into A Lather And Wash With It. It Is A Tad Abrasive, But Given Your Current State, It Is Our Best Bet To Work Off The... Outer Layer. We'll Move To More Gentle Formulas Once That Is Taken Care Of.

You begin following Kanaya's instruction. The substance is grainy in texture, which you initially expect to make for unpleasant washing, but uppon applying it to your skin and beginning washing you find it to give a pleasant scratching sensation as you wash. The soap has a fresh, pleasant scent, like how you imagine the ocean would smell if it wasn't full of dead luscii pretty much all of the time. 

You are also becoming aware of just how much you needed this bath. You feel physically lighter as you wash off dirt, sweat, and body soil. You are almost a little self-conscious of the fact that you were seen in such a state. It brings to mind memories of yourself in another timeline in an incredibly regrettable relationship with a murderous clown that, fortunately, no one alive still knows about.

No one alive

Oh.

That hurts to think about.

KANAYA: Terezi, I Understand The Soothing Nature Of Self-Care Can Make It Difficult To Stay On Task.  
KANAYA: And, Once You Are In A Healthier State Of Hygiene, I Would Actually Be Very Open To Spending Some Time Just Enjoying The Benefits Of These Facilities.  
KANAYA: But, First, I Must Insist We Get You Cleaned Up. Here.

Kanaya grabbed another ablution cloth, leaving you to begin to wonder as to the capacity of her towlcloth bag, squeezes some of the pleasantly abrasive solution onto it, and begins to wash your back. You fail to suppress a contented sigh. Her motions are less gentle and pacifying as when she was washing your hair. You can feel as she drags the cloth down your back, exfoliating away dead skin and grime. That said, it's still not an unpleasant sensation, and the slight roughness of it brings you back into the present and reminds you to continue washing yourself, bringing a leg up out of the water to scrub down.

KANAYA: Here.  
KANAYA: Use This On Your Feet.

Kanaya hands you a grey moon rock. It is highly course to the touch. You are growing more and more baffled at the amount of bathing accouterments Kanaya has come prepared with.

TEREZI: SO DO3S TH1S M34N 1 N33D TO DO TH1S 3V3RY T1M3 1 BATH3 TO M41NT41N OUR MO1R41LSH1P?

Kanaya seems a little taken aback, which confuses you until you realize those were the first words you muttered since getting to the baths.

KANAYA: I, Ah, No. No, I Would Not Think It Appropriate To Police Your Bodily Autonomy That Closely.  
KANAYA: And Todays Procedure Is More Intense Than What I Would Expect Anyone To Perform On A Daily Basis.  
KANAYA: I Would Much Prefer That You, In The Future, Simply Bathe On A More Regular Schedule, Making This Sort Of Deep Cleaning,  
KANAYA: Unnecessary.

You silently nod as you finish scrubbing down your body.

TEREZI: SORRY.  
TEREZI: ON H1NDSM3LL 1T W4S K1ND4 SH1TTY OF M3 TO D1S4PP34R FOR SO LONG ON YOU.  
KANAYA: Yes Perhaps.  
KANAYA: But Frankly I Was More Worried About Your Mental State.  
KANAYA: Even Karkat Began To Express Concern With How Much Of A Shut-In You Were Being.

Ouch.

KANAYA: Phase One Is Complete. You Can Now Rise Your Hair.

Kanaya scoots away a bit, and you are suddenly aware that, the last time you plunged underwater, your face was maybe a bit close for her comfort. 

You plunge underwater to hide your own blush. You didn't see anything, you never see anything, and you can't smell underwater, you thought that was obvious, but maybe it wasn't? Do you need to explain it? Would that make things more awkward? You almost did it again, too, before Kanaya stopped you. Oh god it feels like your chest is going to explode oh wait-

You burst forth from the water yet again, a mess of coughing and sputtering, your hair draped across your face like some sort of oceanic algae clump. You are standing now, leaning forward with your hands on the edge of the bath, catching your breath. You are vaguely aware that Kanaya was closer than you remember.

KANAYA: I Am Going To Have To Insist That You Cease Attempting To Drown Yourself. Letting You Do So Would Reflect Poorly On Me As Your Moirail.

You chuckle to yourself sourly before straightening yourself up and turning to Kanaya with a wide, lopsided grin that is probably more horrifying than you intend.

TEREZI: MY B4D. 34SY TO G3T LOST 1N THOUGHT.  
KANAYA: I See.  
KANAYA: Yes.  
KANAYA: So,  
KANAYA: If You Will Sit Down,  
KANAYA: We Can Continue.

You realize how standing over Kanaya might be read as imposing and plop back down into the water, causing a small wave to ripple out from your position.

TEREZI: SO HOW M4NY MOR3 ST3PS 4R3 TH3R3?  
KANAYA: Well, It Would Probably Be Best To Do Another Wash On Your Hair Before Applying Conditioner, And I'd Like To Have You Wash With A Moisturizing Ablution Solution While The Conditioner Sits. The Volcanic Rock Wash Is Great For Exfoliation But Can Leave Your Skin Somewhat Depleted If Used On Its Own.  
TEREZI: 1SN'T TH3 COND1TION3R 1N TH3 H41R PUR1F13R?  
KANAYA: Terezi, As Your Moirail, There Are Many Of Your Behaviors I Am Willing To Tolerate.   
KANAYA: I Am Willing To Accept Your Unusual Diet Outside Of Our Mutually Agreed Upon Feeding Preparation Window.  
KANAYA: I Am Willing To Accept That You Are Going To Occasionally Bully Our Crewmates, Leading To Tensions On The Ship.  
KANAYA: I Am Willing To Accept That You Will Not Be As Emotionally Available As Often As One Might Expect A Moirail To Be.  
KANAYA: But I Cannot  
KANAYA: Will Not  
KANAYA: Accept You Using Two In One Hair Purifier And Conditioner.  
KANAYA: There Are Certain Minimum Standards That Must Be Met.  
KANAYA: We Are Not Base Beasts.


	11. Chapter 11

Kanaya's bathing strategy for you would have been exhausting if it wasn't also so relaxing, as paradoxical as that sounds. Even now, she insists that your bathing procedure is not truly "Done," but that, for the moment, there is time to just soak an relax, both because that is part of the procedure, and because she has spent so much time focusing on you she has yet to attend to herself. While she wasn't in as dire a need of a wash as you, she's not going to waste the opportunity to take care of herself.

You, in the meantime, are reclined back on the ledge of the bath, the tile of the bath cool against your back as you let your body breath above water for a bit. You considered making use of one of the smaller ablution traps for a hotter bath, but ultimately decided you didn't feel like getting out of the herb mineral water, which Kanaya has informed you is currently infused with lavender, to go through the effort of setting up another bath for you to soak in.

Kanaya has washed her hair with two different purifiers, conditioned it, and applied a combination of ablution solutions and other substances to her person that you lost track of at around five in number. You tried to start up conversation at one point, but she insisted that what she was doing required concentration and that she would be done more quickly if left to the task, so you've taken these last few minutes to enjoy the bath the way you normally would, largely in silence. You sit far enough away that, to your perceptions, Kanaya is a vague shape of color but not so far away as to seem rude.

You consider your thoughts and feelings over the events of the last half hour or so. You do your best to rationalize the moments of scandalously flush-adjacent thoughts that crossed your mind at certain moments of weakness throughout the process. You rationalize that going with your quadrants vacant for so long with your only social interaction being with an individual who is currently deceased has left you with a sense of longing that is both an immediate need that needs filling and the compound result of an untold amount of time in paradox space during which this need was pushed to the side in the name of the mission. The feelings you are having are, if not appropriate, absolutely reasonable given the circumstances.

That said, Kanaya has been very clear with the boundaries set in the terms of your relationship. She is already pushing some boundaries with your current arrangement, and the whole point of this trip is to retrieve Rose, her one and only Human Married Wife. Even if there is a distinct lack of candidates to approach for the fulfillment of your flushed quadrant, that is not Kanaya's problem. That is yours. It will not do for you to start making unwanted flushed passes at her. You are not Eridan. You are better than that. 

You are caught thoroughly off guard when you feel Kanaya nudge your shoulder. How did she get so close so fast? Is that a rainbow drinker thing? She is sitting on the edge of the bath, her feet still dangling into the water, still nude. She's turned away from you slightly, and she's holding a bottle of some sort.

KANAYA: Under Normal Circumstances, I Would Add The Ablution Oil To The Water, But Given The Volume, I Figured Direct Application Would Be Best. That Said, I Would Greatly Appreciate Your Assistance In Applying The Oil To My Back.

Oh. Oh shit.

You lift yourself further up out of the water, sitting on the edge of the bath along with Kanaya. Though it is not particularly cold in here, you feel a chill run up your spine.

You take the bottle from her hand.

KANAYA: A Little Goes A Long Way. Just A Few Drops At A Time.

You apply a few drops to your hand. You resist the urge to lick up the syrupy substance. It is only now that the thought strikes you that you have never really... touched Kanaya. You shouldn't be this nervous over this. She has literally had her fangs in your neck. You are way past this level of personal intimacy.

You press your palm to Kanaya's back. She's always been slight of build but deceptively strong. Never has it been more apparent to you why. You can smell the glint of light off the oil highlighting her back muscles, but far more pronounced to you is the feel of them under your hand.

KANAYA: You Can Use Some Force If You'd Like. You Are Unlikely To Cause Me Harm And, Frankly, I Could Use The Massage If You Are Willing.

That's maybe a good idea, come to think of it. Nothing like an application of physical force to make things less weird. You square up your shoulders with hers and bring your other hand to bear, pressing your thumbs into the muscles between her shoulder blades. You intentionally use more pressure than you initially expect would be comfortable, wishing to test Kanaya's assertion.

TEREZI: L1K3 TH1S?

Kanaya gives an appreciative groan that you sure is a purely platonic appreciation of you working out tension in her muscles.

KANAYA: Yes That Will Do Nicely.  
KANAYA: So, While You Have Me At Something Of A Disadvantage, I Will Take This Time To Ask,  
KANAYA: Why Exactly Have You Been Trying To Keep Interaction With The Others To A Minimum?

You feel a pop as you put pressure on her mid-back.

TEREZI: 3V3RYON3 3LS3 ON TH1S SH1P 1S STUP1D   
TEREZI: 4ND 4S LONG 4S TH3 SH1P 1S ON COURS3   
TEREZI: 1 DON'T F33L 4 N33D TO 1NT3R4CT MOR3 TH4N N3C3SS4RY.  
KANAYA: I Am Not Certain I Believe That.  
KANAYA: I Feel As Though You Are Hiding Something,  
KANAYA: And Minimizing Contact With Others Makes Keeping Secrets Easier.

Fuck. While it is absolutely part of the job of one's moirail to cut through one's bullshit straight to the truth of the matter you had not considered that Kanaya would be quite so proficient at that element of the relationship.

TEREZI: OK4Y YOU GOT M3.  
TEREZI: 1 4M D33PLY J34LOUS   
TEREZI: OF D4V3 4ND K4RK4T'S R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH ON3 4NOTH34.  
TEREZI: 4ND TH31R HUM4N MONOG4MY M34NS  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T H4V3 4 CH4NC3 W1TH 31TH3R OF TH3M.  
KANAYA: ...  
KANAYA: You And I Both Know That Is A Load Of Horse Shit.  
KANAYA: Try Again.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

TEREZI: WH4T 3V1D3NC3-  
KANAYA: You Always Throw Out False Leads To Throw Off The Trail Of Attempts To Get To The Pump Biscuit Of The Matter When Your Feelings Are Involved.  
KANAYA: I May Have Never Been Invested In A Career In Courtroom Antics,   
KANAYA: But I Have Had More Than My Fair Share Of Dealings With Individuals Who Would Rather Obfuscate Their Feelings Than Have To Admit Them To Themselves, Let Alone Others.  
TEREZI: ...  
KANAYA: Ah!  
KANAYA: Attempting To Bruise Me Will Prove A Futile Effort, Both In Terms Of Causing Actual Bruises And Derailing The Conversation.

Your increase in force was not a conscious choice so much as it was a nervous reaction as your mind raced to try to come up with other ways to Derail The Conversation. You were coming up blank.

TEREZI: DO YOU PROM1S3 NOT TO FR34K OUT?  
KANAYA: I Will Do My Best To React In A Measured Manner.  
TEREZI: 4ND C4N TH1S ST4Y B3TW33N MO1R41LS?  
KANAYA: Does this secret endanger the ship, it's crew, or our mission to retrieve Rose?  
TEREZI: 1T DO3S NOT.  
KANAYA: Then I See No Reason Why I Should Need To Share It With The Others.

You take a deep breath.

TEREZI: SO 1 R4N 1NTO 3GB3RT IN P4R4DOX SP4C3   
TEREZI: 4ND 1 W4S ON TH3 V3RG3 OF D34TH FROM 3XH4UST1ON 4ND ST4RV4T1ON   
TEREZI: 4ND H3 W4S DY1NG FROM H4V1NG B33N B1TT3N N34RLY 1N H4LF BY LORD 3NGL1SH   
TEREZI: H1S TOOTH W4S ST1LL LODG3D 1N JOHN'S CH3ST   
TEREZI: 4ND H4D PUMP3D H1M W1TH SOM3 SORT OF CH3RUB V3NOM  
TEREZI: SO W3 HUNG OUT 1N H1S D34D D4D'S C4R  
TEREZI: 1 4T3 SOM3THING C4LL3D "P1P3 TOB4CCO"  
TEREZI: 1 PR13D TH3 TOOTH FROM H1S CH3ST  
TEREZI: 4ND THEN.  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: 4ND THEN W3 HUNG OUT SOM3 MOR3.  
TEREZI: TH3N P4R4DOX SP4C3 COLL4PS3D 4ND W3 3ND3D UP ON 34RTH C.  
TEREZI: TH3N H3 D13D.  
TEREZI: TH3N  
TEREZI: 1 M4D3 4 D3C1S1ON.  
TEREZI: 1 PUT H1M 1N H1S W4LL3T  
TEREZI: 1 PUT H1S W4LL3T 1N MY POCK3T  
TEREZI: 4ND TH3N 1 C4M3 TO YOU.  
KANAYA: ...

Kanaya turns to face you. One of the advantages of being blind and perceiving the world by smell and taste is that you never have to worry about your gaze wandering. One of the disadvantages of being blind and perceiving the world by smell and taste is you can't avert your "gaze" from your moirail's fully nude form.

KANAYA: Honestly I Just Expected You To Tell Me You Were Experiencing Pale Flushed Vacillation With Regards To Our Current Arrangement And Were Using Poor Hygiene As A Method To Keep Me At A Distance.  
KANAYA: Do You Mean To Tell Me That The Remains Of John Egbert Are On This Shit Right Now?  
TEREZI: Y3S.  
TEREZI: 1N MY ROOM.  
TEREZI: 1N H1S W4LL3T.  
KANAYA: I Have Many Questions.  
KANAYA: But For Right Now, I Think I Am Content With The Fact That You Have Shared This With Me.  
TEREZI: SO 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO T3LL 3V3RYON3 3LS3?  
KANAYA: Would You Like Me To?  
TEREZI: UH  
TEREZI: NO?  
KANAYA: Then I Will Not. As You Said, It Does Not Endanger Our Mission Or The Crew.  
KANAYA: If Anything, I Think Revealing This Without Careful Consideration Might Be More Of A Risk To The Mission Than Keeping It A Secret.  
KANAYA: And While, As I Said, I Have Questions, I Do Appreciate Your Candor With Regards To This.  
KANAYA: Also I Would Like To Apologize For Assuming This Was About Some Ill-fated Flushed Crush You Were Developing.

You stay pointedly silent on that point.

KANAYA: So How Did You Think Staying Locked In Your Room Would Help You Keep This Secret Of Yours?  
TEREZI: MOSTLY 1 D1DN'T W4NT TO H4V3 TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON   
TEREZI: 3SP3C14LLY NOT W1TH 4NYON3 3LS3 ON TH3 SH1P.  
KANAYA: While That Is Understandable, You Do Realize Your Absence Has Drawn More Attention To You Than Your Presence Would Have.  
TEREZI: >:?  
KANAYA: I Was Not Joking When I Said Earlier That Even Karkat Had Taken Note Of Your Extended Period Of Isolation.  
TEREZI: 1S H3 ST1LL M4D OV3R TH3 WHOL3 C4PT41N TH1NG?  
KANAYA: What?  
KANAYA: No, He Was Largely Over It In A Matter Of Days.  
KANAYA: Or, At Least, He Had Found Something Else To Be Irate At.  
KANAYA: I Also Instructed Him That He Was In Need Of An Immediate Bath.  
KANAYA: Though I Did Not Accompany Him.  
KANAYA: You Enjoy Moirailship Privilege In This Matter.

Kanaya's slight smile takes the edge off of that particular bit of snark.

KANAYA: Terezi, I Know You Don't Think Very Highly Of The Crew.  
KANAYA: And, For The Most Part, I Cannot Say I Disagree.  
KANAYA: But They Are Still, By And Large, Your Friends. They Care About You.  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: SOUNDS F4K3 BUT OK4Y.  
TEREZI: SO WH4T DO W3 DO NOW?  
KANAYA: First, We Will Finish Our Little Spa Day With Some Skin Moisturizer And A Face Adhesion Mask Treatment.  
KANAYA: Then, We Will Get Dressed And Walk Out Of Here Looking And Feeling Like The Powerful, Self-Assured Women We Are.  
KANAYA: After That, I Think Maybe Lunch.  
KANAYA: I'd Like To Go Ahead And Start Prepping You For My Next Meal.  
TEREZI: 1S TH4T WHY YOU CH3CK3D 1N ON M3?  
TEREZI: PR3P4R1NG TO SL4K3 YOUR TH1RST ON MY SW33T JU1C3S?  
KANAYA: No.

Kanaya stands, grabbing her towel and wrapping it about herself.

KANAYA: Well, Mostly No.


	12. Chapter 12

TEREZI: YOU H4V3 4 FONDN3SS FOR TH3S3 34RTH BUS1N3SS SU1TS 1 T4K3 1T.  
KANAYA: Rose Turned Me On To Them. I Must Admit, They Do Have A Sort Of Universal Appeal.   
KANAYA: And, They Are The Traditional Garb Of Many Of Earth's Legal Representatives.  
KANAYA: I Thought You Would Appreciate Some Variance In Attire.

You have to admit, you smell like a million boonbucks right now. The smokey charcoal suit is perfectly tailored to you, and the teal dress shirt and candy-apple red necktie provide the perfect sort of colorful highlight, hearkening back to your legislacerator dreams of youth. Everything was clean lines and sharp highlights. It's very you.

Kanaya is also dressed up a little. She has on a cocktail dress that plunges low in the back but, while clearly inspired by her Dancestor's attire, is considerably more conservative, at least on the front end. As the two of you make your way from the locker room, there is something powerful in the click of her heels and your dress shoes as you make your way to the dining block.

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU R34LLY GO1NG TO PR3P4R3 M34LS W34R1NG TH4T?  
KANAYA: Oh Of Course Not. We Have Been Taking Turns On Meal Prep. I Think Today Is System's Turn.  
TEREZI: BLUH.  
TEREZI: C4N'T ST4ND H3R.  
KANAYA: Oh She's Not That Bad. You Just Had An Unfortunate First Impression Of Her.  
KANAYA: And Second Impression Of Her.  
KANAYA: You Should Maybe Try Interacting With Her When Jake Isn't Fornicating With Her.

You and your companion take seats in the dining hall across from one another. The ostentatious seating arrangement feel less awkward when there are only two of you. It feels less like an overblown banquet and more like the two of you are seated in a weirdly themed cafeteria.

TEREZI: 1 JUST  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW H4V1NG 3XP3CT4T1ONS OF SOM3ON3   
TEREZI: B4S3D ON POS1T1ON ON TH3 H3MOSP3CTRUM   
TEREZI: 1S M4YB3 NO LONG3R 4PPROPRI4T3  
TEREZI: BUT 4S 4 F3LLOW T34LBLOOD  
TEREZI: 1 4M D1S4PPO1NT3D.  
TEREZI: 1 F33L 3MB4RR4SS3D FOR H3R.  
KANAYA: You Must Admit,  
KANAYA: From A Strictly Physical Standpoint,  
KANAYA: Jake's Posterior Is On Point.  
TEREZI: 1 4M OBL1G4T3D TO 4DM1T NOTH1NG   
TEREZI: 1 KNOW MY R1GHTS.

There is a pause. You both look towards the meal block expectantly.

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU SUR3 SH3 1S 4T H3R ST4T1ON?  
KANAYA: It Is Uncharacteristic Of Her Not To Be.  
KANAYA: That Said, If She Has Been Called Away, I Do Have Some Slain Ancient Earth Leader Salad Leftover From Yesterday's Dinner That I Could Serve You.   
KANAYA: I Will Be Back Shortly.

Kanaya makes her way into the kitchen. You know, the moment she opened that door, what she is walking into, though you have no time to warn her. A pungent odor strikes your nose, distant but horrifyingly familiar, made all the more horrifying by the context. 

Jake English fuck stink.

Though the serving window into the kitchen is shuttered with a wooden cover, this does not stop Kanaya from bodily launching him through that window, causing him to land on the floor in a rolling, flailing mess of shattered shutter pieces, half-worn clothing, and various bodily fluids. You can make out the discussion continuing in the kitchen.

SYSTEM: [THERE IS NO NEED FOR-]  
KANAYA: Really?! Right In Front Of My Slain Ancient Earth Leader Salad?  
SYSTEM: [I ASSURE YOU THE CHANCES OF CONTAM-]

There is the sound of something being poured out, followed by System being bodily ejected from the kitchen through the same route as English. Though System enjoys the benefits of having an already opened serving window to be thrown through, she also had a wooden serving basin atop her head and was covered in the remains of the slain ancient earth leader salad Kanaya apparently opted to dispense atop her head. She lands atop Jake's now unconscious form, both of them half-naked and generally a mess.

You find your appetite leaving you at speeds that would break the sound barrier were your appetite a physical entity and not an abstract concept.

You stand, and as you do so you are joined by Kanaya who comes marching out of the kitchen, the KLACK KLACK of her heels emphasizing her pace even as she keeps a posture of poise and self-control. You can only just make out the furrow of her brow on the air.

KANAYA: We Will Not Be Dining From The Nutrition Block This Evening.   
KANAYA: I Am Going To Inform The Captain Of What Has Happened And Have Him Ensure To Me That Someone,  
KANAYA: Ideally One Or Both Of The Guilty Parties,  
KANAYA: Returns The Nutrition Block To A State In Which Food Can Be Prepared Without Risk Of Contamination.  
TEREZI: 1'LL B3LI3V3 1T WH3N 1 SM3LL 1T.  
TEREZI: S3R1OUSLY 4T TH1S PO1NT 1 TH1NK 1 COULD 1D3NT1FY J4K3 3NGL1SH'S FUCK-MUSK   
TEREZI: 4ND TR4CK H1M BY 1T 1F N33D B3.  
TEREZI: PL34S3 N3V34 4SK M3 TO DO TH4T.  
TEREZI: 4NYWHO 1 TH1NK 1 W1LL JO1N YOU.  
KANAYA: Really?  
TEREZI: WH4T 3LS3 4M 1 GO1NG TO DO?  
TEREZI: GO B4CK TO MY R3SP1T3 BLOCK?  
TEREZI: S1T 1N TH3 D4RK, HUNGRY, 4ND OV3RDR3SS3D?  
KANAYA: Good Point.  
KANAYA: Come, Let Us Leave.  
TEREZI: Y3S, B3FOR3 TH3 FUNK FOLLOWS OUR 3X1T.

The two of you are now power walking towards the bridge. You hear the sounds of Karkat shouting from Dave's respite block, a sign that they are back to whatever is normal for the two of them. As you enter the bridge, Roxy is sitting in the Captain's seat with his legs draped over one armrest and his back resting against the other. He wasn't wearing his suit today, opting instead for some baggy jeans and a comfy, oversized hoody. Though he was wearing the captain hat, he had the hood pulled up over it so just the front and bill stuck out. 

Kanaya politely coughs as the two of you enter the bridge, alerting Roxy to your presence.

ROXY: oh hey sup.  
ROXY: rezi glad to see you up and about.  
ROXY: i dont use my captains override lightly but i was about to have to check to make sure you were still alive in there.  
TEREZI: 1 4SSUR3 YOU  
TEREZI: 1F 1 4M GO1NG TO D13 ON TH1S SH1P  
TEREZI: 1T WILL NOT B3 QU13TLY 1N MY R3SP1T3 BLOCK.  
ROXY: okay but still maybe pop ur head out now and then and let us know ur still breathin k?  
ROXY: i know you dont have any responsibilities to the ship unless somethin goes down with someone outside the ship but its still reassuring to see your face now and then.  
TEREZI: 1 F1GUR3D SOM3 M3MB3RS OF TH3 CR3W M1GHT 4PPR3C14T3 4 BR34K FROM MY F4C3.  
ROXY: you mean karkat getting big mad you didn't give him the job?  
ROXY: he got over it. dave checked on him so i didn't have to.  
ROXY: like it wasn't even your authority that gave me the job.  
ROXY: you just had the idea.  
ROXY: anyone else could have spoken up.  
ROXY: i mean karkat did.  
ROXY: but i don't think anyone thought that was a good idea.  
KANAYA: Yes I Feel Karkat Is Most Suited To Lead When He Is Not Quite So Enthusiastic About Wanting To Lead.  
ROXY: right so think nothing of it. frankly i appreciate you giving me the push.  
TEREZI: W3LL TH3N YOU WON'T M1ND WH3N W3 BR1NG SOM3 B4D N3WS FOR YOU TO H4NDL3 4S C4PTAIN.  
ROXY: :o  
KANAYA: Yes You See,  
KANAYA: System And Jake Were Fornicating  
ROXY: *snerk*  
ROXY: they do that a lot  
KANAYA: On The Food Prep Surfaces Of the Nutrition Block  
ROXY: oh  
ROXY: yeah i see why thats a problem.  
ROXY: ill talk to them.  
KANAYA: And Please Make Sure The Nutrition Block In Sanitized.  
KANAYA: In The Meantime, We Will Need To Work Out An Alternative Solution For Tonights Dinner.  
ROXY: gotcha  
ROXY: ill have them on it asap.  
ROXY: in the meantime ive got some captcha codes for some snacks i can whip up reliably.  
ROXY: hope you all are fine with roasted gourd lol.  
KANAYA: That Should Do Fine For The Time Being.  
ROXY: any other captainly things you need to talk to me about?  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK W3 4R3 GOOD.  
TEREZI: DO YOU TH1NK YOU W1LL B3 4BL3 TO STOM4CH H4VING TO D1SCUSS D1SC1PL1N4RY M4TT3RS W1TH J4K3?  
ROXY: i mean it wont be easy.  
ROXY: i hate for it to be like that.  
ROXY: but that shits not cool  
ROXY: and if im going to be in charge  
ROXY: im going to have to start getting used to being the boss.  
ROXY: even if that means not being super nice sometimes.

You give Roxy a broad grin. He winces a little.

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH1S POS1T1ON W1LL B3 GOOD FOR YOU.

Kanaya gives a more traditionally reassuring grin, and Roxy responds in kind with a reserved little smile. He's becoming more the coolkid than Dave ever was.

KANAYA: Well, I Think, If We Are Not Going To Enjoy A Nice Dinner Together, I'm Going To Dress Down A Bit And Prepare To Take A More Comfortable Meal In My Room.  
TEREZI: SOUNDS L1K3 4 PL4N. 1 THINK-

And then you were all thrown to the floor.

An impact had shaken the bridge violently, causing it to dip roughly one foot downward from your perspective before recorrecting one foot back up. Though the crew had, some time ago, made Jake re-enable the gravitational compensators, ensuring most of the trip up to this point, had been quite smooth, this was far beyond their capacity to smooth out. It takes you a moment to regain your senses, but this is one of those situations where not being reliant on sight works to your advantage, as the visual of the ship bobbing and pitching doesn't mess with your sense of balance as badly when perceived through the nose. Still, it takes you a moment to disentangle yourself from Kanaya and Roxy, neither of whom possess that particular benefit.

You are just getting back to your feet as Dave comes careening down the hall into the bridge. From the echoing sounds of profanity, you can discern that Karkat is not far behind.

DAVE: Out of the way pilot coming through who fucking touched my console.  
TEREZI: NO ONE F1NG3R3D YOUR BUTTONS D4V3.  
TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG H1T US.  
DAVE: Bringing up the main view screen. Let's see if your story pans out.  
DAVE: Oh you have to be fucking joking.

The main view screen came on, showing the view out towards the nose of the rocket ship. Attached, hanging on for dear robotic life, was a brobot, one of Dirk's robotic creations made in his own image, red anime shades seemingly gleaming in the deck lights of the ship. Then, as the glow behind them began to grow, it became quickly apparent that the source of the light was not external, but from within the brobot.

DAVE: Oh shit HIT THE DECK!

Dave dramatically dived to the floor as the light in the brobot shot forward towards the viewport. But, it did not take the form of some destructive anime-ass wave of energy. Rather, it spread out into a plane, displaying a holographic image. That image was the bridge of another ship, not entirely dissimilar to your own. And, on that bridge, two figures seemed to face you and your crewmates. One, in ostentatious pointed shades and an even more absurd cape, stepped forward and spoke.

DIRK: Hello Terezi.


	13. Chapter 13

Roxy, by this point, had also gotten to his feet, along with Kanaya. Karkat stumbled into the room, the image silencing his stream of profanity. Jake stumbled in shortly behind Karkat, keeping to the back of the crowd and surprisingly quiet.

ROXY: is this live communication?  
DAVE: I don't know, this panel is just for piloting.   
DAVE: No one actually took charge of the comms.  
ROXY: kanaya can you do the honors?

Roxy fiddles with some controls on the captain's chair and a console on the far right wall of the bridge opened up.

KANAYA: Well, I Do Consider Communications To Be One Of My Strong Suits.

Both as she spoke and as she made her way over to the newly activated console, her eyes did not leave the display. Standing next to Dirk was Rose, or at least what you could assume to be the essence of Rose in a robotic shell if what you understood correctly what you had been told of the situation. She stood stoic and expressionless. You are reminded of Aradia during your time in sgrub, but something about this is more unsettling. Aradia, even at her most dead and dispassionate, was never so passive as this Rosebot seemed to be, and it was even more out of character given the Rose you had come to know. You remember what Equius attempted to do to Aradia and wonder how Rose's new mechanical form might be affecting her personality or reasoning.

Kanaya finally tears her eyes away from the main screen long enough to work the communications console.

KANAYA: I Am Detecting No Direct Broadcast. This Is A Recorded Message, Most Certainly.  
DIRK: Right about now I am certain you are ascertaining that this is a recorded message and not, in fact, a live feed between our two ships. I am not so simple as to give you such a direct line on our location and heading, though based on what we have gathered so far you have managed to stay the course at least somewhat reliably. Your determination is admirable, if woefully misplaced.

Everyone settles in, leaning on walls or taking seats at various stations across the bridge. They know not what it is Dirk is getting at, but they know he is going to explain it in as many words as humanly possible.

DIRK: I do know not what figurehead you have acting as captain of the ship, Terezi Pyrope, but we both know who is running things over there. You are not one to take the reigns yourself. You work through catspaws. It's not my style, but I respect that.

You do not turn from the screen, but you can smell everyone's eyes periodically shifting from the screen to you. 

DIRK: I had plans for you. Or, more specifically, I had plans contingent on the presence of both you and the cargo you carry. I feel like I can safely assume that you have not informed the rest of your crew of the nature of that cargo, and out of respect to you I will not reveal that particular secret to them at this time. You can thank me if you ever catch up with me.  
DIRK: While I have no record of what crew you have brought with you, I have... other ways of discerning who it is that I am speaking to right now. Kanaya is a given, chasing after her wife despite the fact that Rose made it very clear that she was leaving of her own volition.   
DIRK: Jake, I am disappointed to say, likely couldn't help but give chase after I left him in tears. Jake probably brought a +1, given that he seems incapable of independent function.   
DIRK: Dave and Karkat are in all likelihood there, if not out of some desire to help their friend get her wife back or to get revenge for my enabling of Jane, perhaps because they are finding they are having problems with intimacy now that I'm not guiding their hips.

That comment drew gazes off of you and the screen and towards Dave and Karkat, and you can smell them turning colors from here. You keep your gaze forward to save them a little discomfort.

DIRK: And... Roxy. Roxy, I know you are there, but I don't know why. You do many things that do not make sense to me. You seemed so rational, so... understanding. That you would follow the rest of this crew on this fool's errand seems so out of character for you. Of course, much of your recent behavior could be described as such. Maybe being in such close proximity to that cherub for so long has begun to influence you? No matter.  
DIRK: What I send this bot to tell you is this. I welcome your pursuit. You could have simply ridden with me. That was, after all, my original intent, but if you wish to drag the others into our engagement then I will allow for this. That said, I want the stakes to be very clear. We are not returning to Earth C. Our plans will not allow for it. If you choose to follow, you do so knowing that you will never return home. This is not a trip that ends with a happy reunion and us wasting away into narrative obscurity.  
DIRK: On that point.

At that prompt, Rosebot stepped forward. Kanaya stood from her station, stepping towards the main viewscreen.

ROSEBOT: Kanaya, it is my understanding that you will be present to see and hear this message. I am touched that you have chosen to give pursuit. That said, I must encourage you to give up this chase.  
ROSEBOT: I am not coming home. I am scarcely the Rose that you married anymore. She has died and been subsumed into my ultimate self.   
ROSEBOT: Our vows were "til death do you part."   
ROSEBOT: Our time to part has passed.  
ROSEBOT: I cannot tell you how to live your life going forward. I cannot stop you from continuing your pursuit. Just know that you should not do so in pursuit of me.   
ROSEBOT: The Rose that you married would not have wanted that. She would want you to move on with your life and be happy, with someone else if necessary.

Kanaya fell to her knees. She made not a sound, but you could smell the tears running down her cheeks.

ROSEBOT: I just don't want you to get hurt chasing after a Rose Lalonde that no longer exists.  
DIRK: So now hopefully we are all on the same page. This chase won't end with a resolving of differences in the name of friendship. There will be struggle. There will be heartbreak. And, there will be violence. You need to be prepared for this, and I will give you a small taste of what is to come should you keep up the chase.

With that, the projection dropped, and the brobot was once again visible on the screen. What the crew had not seen while the brobot was obscured was its buildup of energy leading it to begin glowing at the joint.

DAVE: It's gonna blow! 

Dave dove to the floor again.

JAKE: By God.  
JAKE: That thing will tear clean through the hull at this range.  
JAKE: We need to eject the ablative plating.  
ROXY: okay im down with that plan but how do we do that?  
JAKE: I need access to the engineering console!

Jake dramatically leaps across the room. As he does, Roxy works the controls at her seat, activating a console towards the front of the bridge, to the left of Dave's pilot console. He begins working the controls furiously.

KARKAT: FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR SWEET ASS BUNS JAKE ENGLISH HURRY.  
JAKE: Dagnabbit don't rush me.  
JAKE: This is delicate work.  
JAKE: Al  
JAKE: most  
SYSTEM: [BASED ON OBSERVED ENERGY BUILD UP]  
SYSTEM: [THE ROBOTIC ENTITY OUTSIDE WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN]  
SYSTEM: [THREE]  
JAKE: Got it!  
SYSTEM: [TWO]

There is an audible PANG noise as the section of plating the brobot had attached to was ejected, tumbling away from the ship as it flies by.

SYSTEM: [ONE]

The ship is just far enough away from the explosion to avoid damaging the engine, though the shockwave of the blast still rips through the ship, sending everyone tumbling over dramatically save for Roxy who grips onto his seat for stability.

KARKAT: PLEASE, SOMEONE CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG.  
KARKAT: WERE OUR LIVES JUST SAVED  
KARKAT: BY JAKE FUCKING ENGLISH?  
JAKE: Round and about yes, I think that's an accurate assessment.  
KARKAT: CAN SOMEONE WHO IS NOT JAKE ENGLISH PLEASE VERIFY THAT?  
TEREZI: Y3S J4K3 D1D 4 US3FUL TH1NG 4ND S4V3D OUR L1V3S.  
KARKAT: GODDAMNIT.  
KARKAT: I'M NOT SURE HOW I'M GOING TO PROCESS THIS NEW "NOT-COMPLETELY-USELESS-JAKE-ENGLISH" PARADIGM.

People were beginning to find their legs again, yourself included. Everyone looked about the room at one another. Dirk's message wasn't just a check-in. They had done far more damage to the crew than the explosion did. Everyone's emotions are frayed and raw, and there is a palpable sense of distrust in the air, even for someone without your unique view of the world.

ROXY: so uh rezi  
ROXY: about that cargo

You move to Kanaya's side and help her to her feet. She didn't brace well for the blast and has a bruise on her cheek from where it hit the steel floor.

TEREZI: L4T3R  
ROXY: but as-  
TEREZI: L4T3R!  
TEREZI: 1T'S NOT GO1NG TO BLOW UP TH3 SH1P   
TEREZI: OR OTH3RW1SE H4RM 4NYON3.  
TEREZI: 4ND TH4T 1S 4LL 1'M SAY1NG R1GHT NOW.  
TEREZI: 1 4M T4K1NG K4N4Y4 TO H3R R3SP1T3 BLOCK.

Your Dragon Cane comes to your hand from your strife specibus almost as an instinct, and this time you do not care if it is taken as a threat. In fact,

TEREZI: DO NOT G3T 1N OUR W4Y.

You turn to face the crew, Kanaya's arm draped over your shoulder as you help her up. Everyone is wide-eyed staring at the two of you. You use the cane to help steady yourself as you lead Kanaya out of the room. She's not seriously injured, but the events, more than the injury, have left her dazed. Everyone gives the two of you a wide berth as you make your way back towards the respite blocks.

You arrive at Kanaya's Respite Block. 

TEREZI: K4N4Y4...  
KANAYA: Open... Door...

The door slides open. Kanaya can't get the words out to command the door to shut, but after a few seconds of detecting nothing in the doorway and without a "hold door" command, it shuts on its own. When it does, the damn breaks within Kanaya. 

KANAYA: Shu  
KANAYA: She...  
KANAYA: DIVORCED ME!  
KANAYA: BAHHHHHHHHHH!

You never would have pegged Kanaya as an ugly crier. Her makeup, usually so pristine you often forget it's not a natural feature of hers, is beginning to run, making the whole situation look all the more dramatic. You guide her to her bed and sit down next to her. You are caught off guard when she suddenly pulls you into a hug and starts sobbing on your shoulder. 

TEREZI: 1 UH  
TEREZI: 1 4M NOT V3RY GOOD 4T  
TEREZI: N4V1G4T1NG P3OPL3 THROUGH  
TEREZI: TH1S SORT OF TR4UM4.

Kanaya looks up at you. Her makeup has left smears on the shoulder of your suit. You try not to think about it. Kanaya probably knows how to get that out. You'll ask about that later.

TEREZI: BUT  
TEREZI: YOU JUST GOT DON3 DR4GG1NG M3 OUT OF 4 NOT GR34T PL4C3.  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 W4NT TO B3 TH3R3 FOR YOU.  
TEREZI: SO, 1F YOU T3LL M3 WH4T YOU N33D  
TEREZI: 1 W1LL DO MY B3ST.

Kanaya sniffles, her breath still shaky. She looks deep into your unseeing eyes.

KANAYA: If,  
KANAYA: At Any Point, You Feel Uncomfortable With The Proceedings,  
KANAYA: You Are To Vocalize Your Concerns.

Kanaya takes a deep breath to center herself.

KANAYA: If You Find Yourself Unable to Vocalize  
KANAYA: You Signal To Me That You Need Me To Stop  
KANAYA: By Tapping On My Shoulder Or The Bed.

She looks at you for understanding. You think you understand. Maybe the emotional exhaustion has brought on a need to feed sooner than expected. You nod to her, expecting her to guide you to whatever position would best allow her to feed.

You do not anticipate her grabbing your tie, pulling you forward, and locking you into a deep kiss. You also do not tap out. You return the affections. It has been a bit. You have been wanting this. Losing John after coming some close to him left a void where you could have gone weeks or months without being in the same room as someone before. 

And, unlike with John, with Kanaya, you do not have to be gentle.

You break from one another, your forehead against hers, the two of you breathing deeply, needy, hungry.

TEREZI: YOU KNOW  
TEREZI: FOR 4 MOM3NT  
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT TH1S W4S 4BOUT YOU N33D1NG TO F33D.  
KANAYA: Don't Be Mistaken.  
KANAYA: That Is Going To Happen.  
KANAYA: I Will Have You Until I Slake All Of My Thirsts.


	14. Chapter 14

You wake up groggy, sore, and vaguely sticky. Also naked. And being cuddled. You have a sudden urge to leap out of bed but you are also exhausted and sore moreso than you have been since paradox space. Your expenditure of energy is expressed in less a spring-out-of-bed motion and more of a roll/lurch over in bed motion, bringing you face to face with Kanaya.

Kanaya is also naked and very, very close to you. She is asleep, and her arm, which was draped over you, is now around the back of your neck. She's absolutely glowing, both literally and in the figurative post-coital sense. You are so close you can feel her breath on you. You can smell your blood, among other things, on her breath. You can also smell your blood on her chin where it dribbled from the corners of her mouth. Really the two of you are just an olfactory bouquet of exertion and one another's fluids right now.

You absentmindedly touch your neck, wanting to check the state of your bite marks, only to find your neck, well, not quite unmolested, but not punctured. You remember the sensation of her sinking her teeth into you, the calming, almost soporific sensation of it, but you don't remember at first where, and then you feel a dull ache on the inside of your thigh.

Oh.

Her eyes flutter open. Your turning about has likely roused her.

KANAYA: Oh, Apologies. I Had Intended To Watch Over You As You Rested And Recovered, But I Found Myself Perhaps Too Comfortable To Fight Off The Urge To Join You. How Are You Feeling?  
TEREZI: GOOD.  
TEREZI: SOR3.  
TEREZI: L3TH4RG1C.  
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG SM3LLS OF US 4ND T4ST3S OF YOU.  
TEREZI: 4LL 4ND 4LL  
TEREZI: NO COMPL41NTS.  
KANAYA: Good To Hear.  
KANAYA: And Thank You.  
KANAYA: I Think I Needed This More Than I Realized.  
TEREZI: SO UH  
TEREZI: WH4T  
TEREZI: DO3S TH1S M4K3 US?  
KANAYA: I  
KANAYA: Hmmm  
KANAYA: How Do You Feel About The Arrangement.  
TEREZI: K4N4Y4   
TEREZI: 1 DO NOT F33L L1K3 1 4M 1N 4 PL4C3 TO G1V3 S3R1OUS COND1D3R4T1ON TO 4NYTH1NG  
TEREZI: 1 4M CURRENTLY 1N A FLO4TY ST4T3 OF 3XH4UST1ON, 4FT3RGLOW, 4ND BLOOD LOSS.  
KANAYA: Oh! I Almost Forgot.

Kanaya reached off to the side of the bed, producing a plate of orange slices and a bottle of water. You sit up in the bed and she places the plate in your lap atop the sheets.

KANAYA: You Will Need To Replenish Yourself.  
TEREZI: FROM TH3 BLOOD LOSS   
TEREZI: OR JUST FOR ROUND TWO? >;]  
KANAYA: Both, If You Are Interested.

You are taken aback by Kanaya's directness, opting to stick an entire lemon slice, peel and all, in your mouth instead of answering. The sweet-tartness plays interestingly with the, uh, other flavors on your pallet at the moment. Kanaya gives you a grin that does things to your pump biscuit. and almost makes you choke on your food.

KANAYA: Now Now Be Careful. I Don't Want To Have To Explain A Naked Corpse In My Bed. Dave Is Already Prone To Making Unsolicited Theorizations About My Condition.  
KANAYA: Drink Some Water And Slow Down.

You take her advice on the water, downing some to help force down the rind which had gone sideways in your nutrition chute. You force it down and take some deep breaths. You feel Kanaya's hand on your back, placating and gentle, and a part of you begins to melt again. You are growing almost annoyed at how reliably she can do this to you, but you enjoy being able to let your guard down around someone moreso. You take a deeper, slower breath, releasing it in a relaxed sigh. You take a bite of another orange slice, eating more patiently now.

TEREZI: K4N4Y4  
TEREZI: 1 L1K3 TH1S  
TEREZI: 4 LOT.  
KANAYA: I Gathered As Much Yes.  
TEREZI: 1 M34N  
TEREZI: B4S1C4LLY WH4T W3'V3 B33N 4LR34DY.  
TEREZI: 4LONG W1TH WH4T W3 4R3 R1GHT NOW.

Kanaya places her head on your shoulder. You can smell her hair, both the multiple products she uses to clean it and, just beneath it, her. You resist the urge to bury your face in it, lick it, chew it, or otherwise disturb the moment, though the urge is strong.

TEREZI: K4N4Y4  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T TH1NK 1 C4N R3PL4C3 ROS3.  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 DON'T TH1NK 1 W4NT TO?  
TEREZI: BUT 1F YOU 4R3 OK4Y W1TH WH4T W3 4R3  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK  
TEREZI: 1 WOULD L1K3 TH1S TO CONT1NU3.  
KANAYA: So What You Are Saying  
KANAYA: Is You Would In Fact  
KANAYA: Like To Be  
KANAYA: "Pales That Pail"  
TEREZI: BL3H  
TEREZI: 1 H4T3 TH4T PHR4S3.  
TEREZI: BUT K1ND4 Y34H.  
TEREZI: 4ND  
TEREZI: 1F  
TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: WH3N W3 G3T ROS3 B4CK  
TEREZI: 1F YOU W4NT TO GO B4CK  
TEREZI: TO WH4T W3 W3R3  
TEREZI: 1 UND3RST4ND

Kanaya wraps her arm around you and plants a soft kiss on your neck. A pleasant shiver washes over you.

KANAYA: I Think I Can Do That.  
KANAYA: And,  
KANAYA: When We Retrieve Rose,  
KANAYA: And Correct Whatever It Is Dirk Has Done To Her,  
KANAYA: I Will Discuss Our Current Arrangement With Her And See If We Cannot Workout A New Set Of Vows For Our New Marriage That Allows For A More Flexible Relationship structure.

You chomp on another slice of orange, your eating pace picking up as you try to distract yourself from the warmth in your cheeks. Kanaya gently takes the plate from you and sets it on the bedside table.

KANAYA: Take A Drink Of Water To Wash It Down.

You do, and moments after your mouth is otherwise occupied with Kanaya as she sets in upon you, pressing you back down into the bed. You had never taken Kanaya to be so assertive. You think you may need to take the reigns a bit lest you start giving the wrong impression of yourself.

Your second go turned into a third, and beyond that, you stopped counting. You've downed several bottles of water during your marathon of carnal escapism with your moirale, something that would have been peak scandal and grounds for culling back on Alternia. Fortunately, Alternia's laws and strict interpretations of quadrants are a thing of the past now. That said, you are beginning to miss Alternian furniture. The coverings of Kanaya's human bed are going to need extensive laundering.

The two of you had another, shorter nap before it was decided that it was time to get up and about for anther, this time quicker but nonetheless absolutely necessary bathing session. You got out of the bed, wobbly and sore in the best of ways. Kanaya is throwing on some of her normal attire and grabbing another set to change into. You look down at the floor at the tattered remains of your new suit. You would be upset if not for the fact that Kanaya both created and destroyed your new garb, and you are certain there will be a replacement in your future.

TEREZI: TH4T S33MS 3XC3SS1V3.  
KANAYA: And What Do You Plan To Do, Make Your Way To The Baths In Your Wriggling Day Suit?  
TEREZI: >:]  
KANAYA: You Are Bluffing.  
TEREZI: TRY M3.  
KANAYA: Hmph  
KANAYA: Open Door.

Kanaya's smug look lasted all of a moment until you casually strolled out of her respite block. Your plan wasn't exactly what she had guessed. You did plan to go to your room and alchemize a fresh change of clothes for after the bath, but you weren't going to soil another change of clothes in the meantime. Yes, you could ultimately just toss the clothes back into the reactor afterward so there wouldn't actually be any meaningful waste, but it just felt dumb to go to the effort.

You pass Jake English on the way. He is staring, slack-jawed, and you consider taking the opportunity to tease him about that, but given that he literally saved the lives of everyone on the ship last you saw him you choose to cut him a little bit of slack and just saunter by paying him no mind. 

Armed with your ablution supplies and a fresh change of clothes, you make your way to the triangle leg bath, as it is the side Kanaya apparently prefers to use. Kanaya is already here, using one of the ablution spouts to shower herself in water. It is a less relaxing way to bath, but it is quicker and, in your case, less distracting and sense, obscuring.

The ablution spouts are not housed in separate stalls, like other shared hygiene rooms you've seen. They are just lined up along a wall with small shelves and hooks for you to set and hang your ablution supplies on. You sidle up next to Kanaya and activate the spout next to the one she is using.

TEREZI: 1 H4V3 B33N M34N1NG TO 4SK  
TEREZI: WH4T 1S TH3 TR14NGL3 L3GG3D S1GN 1NT3ND3D TO 1ND1C4T3.  
KANAYA: Oh, That Is A Somewhat Primitive Old Earth Gender Delineation Sign.  
TEREZI: K4N4Y4.  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 S33N HUM4N WOM3N.  
TEREZI: TH3Y H4V3 L3GS.  
KANAYA: Yes Well,  
KANAYA: At Some Point In Old Earth History, It Was Considered Inappropriate For Men To Wear Skirts In The Dominant Culture.  
KANAYA: As Such, In Abstract, Language Agnostic Signing, It Was Generally Understood That The Humanoid Form Wearing Pants Was Depicting A Male, While The Other Form, Which I Understand Is Supposed To Depict A Human Woman Wearing A Skirt, Depicted A Woman.  
TEREZI: TH4T'S DUMB.  
TEREZI: TH4T'S DUMB ON L3V3LS.  
TEREZI: 3V3N CONS1D3R1NG TH3 W31RD G3ND3R B4S3D CLOTH1NG R3STR1CT1ONS  
TEREZI: WHY H4V3 S3P3R4T3 G3ND3R3D B4THS.  
KANAYA: The Intricacies Of Old Earth Sociosexual Policies Generally Are Somewhat Absurd.  
KANAYA: That Said, This Arrangement Does Mean I Can Generally Predict Which Bath Dave, Karkat, And Jake Are Going To Use,  
KANAYA: And Therefore Use The Other One And Enjoy Some Measure Of Peace.  
TEREZI: SOL1D PO1NT.  
KANAYA: That Said, I Don't Think Our Captain Would Judge You Should You Choose To Use Whichever Bath You Prefer So Long As You Do Not Bully The Boys Too Much.  
TEREZI: H3H3H3H.

You reach for your ablution block, but in a blur, Kanaya snatches it off the shelf on which you had set your supplies, replacing it with an ablution solution bottle.

KANAYA: I Alchemized That For You.  
KANAYA: I Also Have Some Punchcards For Both That Solution And Some Others.  
KANAYA: I Was Not Speaking Lightly When I Said I Take Dermal And Hair Care Seriously.

You did want to keep a pale relationship going. Calling your palemate out on their shortcomings and bullshit is part of the role. You think about giving an exaggerated sigh, but you instead just give a small, crooked smile, turning the bottle up atop your head, pouring a measure into your hair, before looking up and pouring more into your mouth.

TEREZI: MMMM  
TEREZI: T4ST3S L1K3 BUTT3RCR34M.

She gives you a look like she is also considering the exasperated sigh approach, but gives you a small, crooked grin of her own. Yours grows into a full, toothy grin, followed by laughter, bubbly not in tone but bubbly in that your mouth was full of foam. This elicited a more subdued but kinda adorable laughter from her. 

SYSTEM: [IF I WISHED TO BE PARTY OF THIS LEVEL OF RAUCOUS COMRADERIE, I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN TO BATHE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ABLUTION BLOCK.]

The two of you jumped with a start as System rose up out of the water of the main bath. Was she totally submerged this whole time? Was she a sea troll? No, you could smell her blood, as teal as yours. Could she be some sort of mutant teal-blooded sea troll, maybe?

SYSTEM: [DO NOT BOTHER STOPPING ON MY ACCOUNT.]  
SYSTEM: [I WAS JUST PREPARING TO EXIT.]  
TEREZI: GOT 4NOTH3R 4PPO1NTM3NT W1TH J4K3?  
SYSTEM: [NO, THAT WAS BEFORE THE BATH.]  
SYSTEM: [MY NEXT APPOINTMENT IS TO DO PREP FOR BREAKFAST]  
SYSTEM: [I TOOK ON ANOTHER SHIFT IN THE NUTRITION BLOCK AFTER SANITIZING IT, AS MY,]  
SYSTEM: [INDESCRETION,]  
SYSTEM: [MEANT THAT NO ACTUAL MEALS WERE PREPARED YESTERDAY.]  
TEREZI: W3LL TRY TO K33P 1T 1N YOUR P4NTS WH1L3 WORK1NG 4ROUND OUR FOOD.  
SYSTEM: [YES, IT WAS IMPULSIVE OF ME.]  
SYSTEM: [BUT IT CAN BE DIFFICULT.]  
SYSTEM: [HAVE YOU SEEN MR. ENGLISH?]  
SYSTEM: [THAT POSTERIOR]  
SYSTEM: [IT INSPIRES URGES]  
SYSTEM: [I AM ONLY MORTAL]  
SYSTEM: [IN THE LIGHT OF THAT DIVINE ASS.]  
KANAYA: Okay We Understand Your Point You Can Go Now.  
KANAYA: Please.  
SYSTEM: [UNDERSTOOD]  
SYSTEM: [BREAKFAST WILL BE READY WITHIN AN HOUR.]  
SYSTEM: [PULVERIZED POULTRY OVUM, MILDLY BURNT WHEAT LOAF, AND CURED OINKBEAST FLESH STRIPS CHARED ON HOT METAL.]  
SYSTEM: [I HOPE YOU WILL JOIN US.]

With that, System grabbed a towel, wrapped it around herself, and made her exit. There was a silence in the bath. The mood had gotten weird as you and Kanaya silently pondered how long she had been listening. She seemed to have a tendency towards voyeurism.

Your quiet considerations were interrupted by the growling of your acid tract. You are now keenly aware that the only food you have eaten in the last half-day has been orange slices.

TEREZI: 1 H4T3 TO S4Y 1T  
TEREZI: BUT 1 M4Y T4K3 H3R UP ON TH4T OFF3R.  
KANAYA: You Should. A Hearty Meal Will Help You Recover More Quickly.  
TEREZI: WOW  
TEREZI: YOU'R3 INS4T14BL3. >:]  
KANAYA: I Mean From The Blood Loss.  
KANAYA: And I Am Quite Sated.  
KANAYA: For The Moment, Anyway.  
KANAYA: We May Need To Start Working On Managing Your Level Of Athletic Fitness As Well.  
KANAYA: Particularly, Your Stamina, If You Are Really That Tired After Our Brief Trist.

You are almost but not quite entirely sure she is speaking in jest, given a session of fornication much longer than what you just engaged in would start being measured in days instead of hours, but you choose not to question the matter, stepping away from the shower to dry off.  
TEREZI: SHOULD 1 S4V3 YOU 4 S34T?  
KANAYA: No Thank You. I Think, After This, I Am Going To Work On A Replacement For The Outfit I Mindlessly Ravished You In.  
KANAYA: I Already Have Some Improvements In Mind.


	15. Chapter 15

You have dried off, dressed in more traditional Terezi Attire, and made your way to the Dining Block. As you approach, you can hear a conversation going on, at least one of the participants being Karkat who's unique intonation is identifiable from halfway across the ship. You enter, and as promised, there is a bountiful spread of pulverized ova, scorched wheatloaf, and charred oinkbeast strips. It is not the most flavorful dynamic meal, mostly whites, browns, and yellows, but right now you are too hungry to complain.

You are not too hungry to notice that, as you enter the room, the conversation, which was taking place between Jake, Dave, and Karkat, dies so fast you are not certain it was a time-paradox-clone-conversation. 

JAKE: Oh hey I suppose I've finished my plate should get back to my duties now that I have a job again good to see you all gottagogoodbye!

You try to make a point not to react to Jake's odd behavior, focusing your attention on building a nutrition plateau of food. Everything is being served buffet style, so gathering your meal requires no social interaction. You are uncertain if System is even still in the kitchen at first, but as you approach the serving window you can make out her presence moving about within the miasma of frying grease and scorching wheatloaf. You find two bottles of sauce along the nutrition line, both bright red in appearance and content. You do not know if this is a coincidence or some sort of peace-making gesture from System, but you will not look a bequeathed hoofbeast in the neigh gaper. Unable to decide between the bottles, you cover your nutrition plateau liberally with a mix of both, leaving your plate more a stew in which large chunks of ovum, wheatloaf, and oinkbeast float.

You take your plate and opt to sit with Karkat and Dave. You are going to try to interact more amicably with the rest of the crew and if they decide to make things weird and awkward that is their fault.

KARKAT: OH MY FUCK TEREZI DID YOU WANT SOME FOOD WITH YOUR HORRIFYING TOMATO CHUTNEY AND PEPPER GRAVY MIXTURE?  
DAVE: Sup Terezi. I see you are out, about, and on-brand weird as always.

You spear a soggy piece of scorched wheatloaf on your fork and shove it in your mouth. The spice and vinegar tang combine with the delicious red of the sauce. This is the best meal you have had in a long time.

KARKAT: WELL YOU ARE CLEARLY FEELING BETTER, SO THAT IS A GOOD SIGN I SUPPOSE.  
KARKAT: THOUGH I COULD HAVE GATHERED THAT ALREADY AFTER TALKING TO JAKE.  
KARKAT: WHO DESCRIBED YOUR DEMEANOR LAST HE SAW YOU  
KARKAT: AS "PEP, CHIPPER, AND FRESHLY SHAGGED."  
KARKAT: "DOWNRIGHT GLAZED,"  
KARKAT: "AND COVERED IN BITE AND CLAW MARKS THAT TOLD FAR MORE THAN I WOULD HAVE EVER ASKED."  
DAVE: Okay dude I already had to hear it once during this meal. Can we cut back on the graphic descriptions of post-coital Terezi?  
TEREZI: OH 1 DON'T M1ND.  
TEREZI: T3LL M3 MOR3 4BOUT HOW GOOD 1 LOOK3D.  
TEREZI: 1 C4N'T 3X4CTLY CH3CK 4 M1RROR.

You scoop up some ovum with your fork and suddenly wish you had grabbed a spoon as well, as it is discorporating into the sauce, making an amazing sort of goulash. You pick out one of the oinkbeast strips and begin gnawing on the end of it. It's lost its crunch and picked an attractive chew as it's soaked up the sauces.

KARKAT: THAT'S FINE.  
KARKAT: I HAVE ANOTHER TOPIC I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS WITH MISS PYROPE.  
KARKAT: THAT OF THE CARGO DIRK MENTIONED IN THAT MESSAGE.  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T TH1NK 1'M OBL1G3D TO SH4R3 W1TH YOU TH3 CONT3NTS OF MY P3RSON4L B3LONG1NGS.  
KARKAT: THE FUCK YOU AREN'T.  
KARKAT: IN CASE YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN,  
KARKAT: I AM THE HEAD OF SECURITY ON THIS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A SPACEFARING VESSEL,  
KARKAT: WHICH MEANS MYSTERIOUS CARGO BEING ALLUDED TO BY THE MAN WE ARE CHASING,  
KARKAT: WHO, IF YOU NEED ME TO REFRESH YOUR THINKPAN, TRIED TO MURDER US WITH AN EXPLODING ROBOT,  
KARKAT: IS THE EXACT SORT OF THING THAT IS MY DIRECT GODDAMN CONCERN.

You sit in silence for a moment, knawing on your oinkbeast strip before sloppily slurping the rest into your mouth and swallowing it.

TEREZI: 1 D1D 4CTU4LLY FORG3T TH4T.

Karkat is grinding his teeth in frustration. Dave looks like he is conflicted on if he should try to insert himself to defuse the situation or leave the room entirely.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE AND HOW IS IT GOING TO GET US ALL KILLED?   
KARKAT: YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT NOT EVERYONE ON THIS SHIP IS AN IMMORTAL GOD THING THAT GETS TO CHEAT THEIR WAY OUT OF STUPID DEATHS.  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 NOTH1NG 1N MY POS3SS1ON TH4T POS3S A THR34T TO TH3 CR3W OR TH3 SH1P DU3 TO 1TS PR3S3NC3.  
KARKAT: THEN YOU WON'T MIND ME SEARCHING YOUR RESPITE BLOCK.  
TEREZI: 1 WOULD NOT RECOMM3ND TH4T.

Karkat stands from his seat.

KARKAT: AND WHY IS THAT?

You stand from yours.

TEREZI: B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 NOT 4N 1MMORT4L GOD TH1NG TH4T G3TS TO CH34T TH31R W4Y OUT OF STUP1D D34THS.  
DAVE: Okay holy shit hold the fuck up chill.  
DAVE: So far the only individual who has done anything murder worthy has been Dirk.  
DAVE: And frankly I think us wanting to kill him is exactly the mood he wants to set for this whole engagement because jesus fuck is he extra like that,  
DAVE: but that's besides the point.  
DAVE: I'm prone to believe you, Terezi.  
DAVE: I feel like if you wanted us dead shit would have popped off by now.  
TEREZI: GOOD OBS3RV4T1ON.  
DAVE: That said, it is technically Karkat's job to assure that that we have at least a reasonable understanding of what is on the ship.  
DAVE: Is there anyone else that knows about the cargo Dirk was dramatically alluding to?

You lick your fingers clean of sauce and oinkbeast grease.

TEREZI: Y3S.  
TEREZI: K4N4Y4.  
DAVE: Okay.  
DAVE: Cool.  
DAVE: Karkat, if Kanaya can verify that Terezi's not putting us in any danger, would you take her word on it?  
KARKAT: YOU MEAN THE KANAYA SHE IS ENGAGED WITH IN A DISGUSTING ILLICIT PALE-PAILING AFFAIR BEHIND KANAYA'S HUMAN WIFE'S BACK?  
KARKAT: THE SAME HUMAN WIFE SHE IS SUPPOSEDLY ON THIS QUEST TO RETRIEVE?  
KARKAT: HMM LET ME SIMMER MY THINK SPONGE ON THAT ONE FOR A MINUTE.  
KARKAT: I DETECT THERE MAY BE A CONFLICT OF FUCKING INTEREST HERE STRIDER.  
DAVE: Fucking really man?  
KARKAT: I TAKE MY POSITION AS HEAD OF SECURITY VERY SERIOUSLY. 

As they have this exchange, you lift your nutrition plateau and drink the remaining contents, set your nutrition plateau back down slightly harder than strictly necessary for dramatic effect, lick your top lip clean, then look across the table at Karkat with a wide grin.

TEREZI: R34LLY NOW?  
TEREZI: S3R1OUSLY 3NOUGH TO K1LL M3 OV3R 1T?

There was a pause. Karkat's bluff game was always weak.

TEREZI: THOUGHT SO.

You stand, turn, and begin walking away. You are quite surprised when Karkat is suddenly behind you, sickle's point at your throat. When did he get so fast?

KARKAT: I WILL NOT LET YOU HAUL OFF AND ENDANGER THIS FUCKING SHIP, TEREZI.  
KARKAT: I KNOW YOU DON'T EXACTLY THINK HIGHLY OF THE REST OF US.  
KARKAT: I KNOW YOU THINK YOU ARE REAL FUCKING CLEVER.  
DAVE: Karkat stop.  
KARKAT: YOU AND DIRK HAVE THAT IN COMMON.

You clench your firsts.

KARKAT: I MAY NOT KNOW WHAT SECRET 4 DIMENSIONAL CHESS GAME YOU HAVE GOING, PYROPE,  
KARKAT: BUT WHATEVER YOU HAVE PLANNED MEANS ABSOLUTE SHIT COMPARED TO OUR MISSION AND THE SAFETY OF OUR CREW.  
KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU WERE SO EAGER TO JOIN THIS VOYAGE,  
KARKAT: BUT WHATEVER YOUR REASONS  
KARKAT: THEY ARE FUCK ALL AND I WILL FIND OUT WHAT THEY ARE AND STOP YOU-

You swing your head backward, which has the dual benefits of putting distance between your neck and the sickle and headbutting Karkat right between the eyes.

DAVE: Jesus fuck!

Dave has Caledfwlch drawn but is hesitant to move into the escalating fray between you and Karkat. You have a hand on his shirt, another on your dragon cane, unsheathed, and, in moments, Karkat's back to the wall. You hold your blade to his throat and take a moment to gather yourself. You are running hot. You don't know if he was trying to get under your skin, but he succeeded.

TEREZI: K4RK4T  
TEREZI: 1'M SURPR1S3D.  
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT YOU 4ND D4V3 W3R3 HUM4N MONOG4MOUS.  
TEREZI: 4ND H3R3 YOU 4R3 P1TCH FL1RT1NG W1TH YOUR MUTU4L 3X.  
DAVE: All right that's e-fucking-nough.

Dave advances on the two of you, but you pull Karkat off the wall and shove him at Dave, stopping his advance. He drops his sword to keep from accidentally impaling Karkat, not a possible outcome you considered but one that was thankfully avoided.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.

You are mad. You are upset. You are doing everything in your power at this moment to keep them from seeing tears.

TEREZI: YOU H4V3  
TEREZI: NO FUCK1NG 1D34  
TEREZI: WH4T 1 H4V3 B33N THROUGH K4RK4T.  
TEREZI: ST4Y OUT OF MY W4Y  
TEREZI: 4ND T4K3 C4R3 OF 34CH OTH3R.  
KARKAT:... WHAT?  
KARKAT: THE FUCK?!  
DAVE: Let her go man.

You storm out of the dining block, back towards the respite block hall. You knew leaving you're was a mistake.

You turn the corner to find Roxy leaned against your respite block door.

ROXY: hey pypes  
TEREZI: MOV3  
ROXY: sure thing in a minute but first we gotta talk about some things.  
ROXY: starting with why you are marching through the halls with a blade drawn.  
TEREZI: B3C4US3 1 JUST THR34T3N3D TO MURD3R TH3 L4ST CR3WM4T3 WHO GOT 1N MY W4Y  
TEREZI: 4ND FR4NKLY TH3 AGR1CULTUR3 C1RCL3 1N WH1CH 1 GROW MY FUCKS 1S B4RR3N R1GHT NOW  
TEREZI: SO 1F 1 W3R3 YOU  
TEREZI: 1 WOULD S3R1OUSLY R3CONS1D3R  
TEREZI: 1F M4YB3 TH1S T4LK CAN W41T.

Roxy stands up straight, and for the second time in five minutes a blonde who thinks they know best has a blade drawn on you.

ROXY: terezi i can see that you are keyed up right no but im not going to take random threats of violence lightly, to me or my friends.  
TEREZI: BULLSH1T. 1'V3 K3PT T4BS ON H4PP3N1NGS ON 34RTH C.  
TEREZI: YOU C4NNOT F1GHT 1F YOUR FR13NDS 4R3 NOT 4T YOUR B4CK.  
TEREZI: 3V3N WH3N YOU KNOW 1T'S TH3 R1GHT TH1ING.  
ROXY: what do you-  
TEREZI: J4N3 CROCK3R 1S 4 MONST3R JUST L1K3 TH3 COND3SC3 B3FOR3 H3R.

You approach on Roxy, your blade in front of you. Just as the tip of yours is about to meet his, he starts backpedaling.

TEREZI: 1F YOU D1DN'T H4V3 1T 1N YOU TO STOP H3R  
TEREZI: YOU DON'T ST4ND 4 CH4NC3 4G41NST M3.  
ROXY: jane isn't bad, it's just politics  
TEREZI: YOU DUMB FUCK  
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG 1S POL1T1CS.  
TEREZI: J4K3 FUCK1NG H1S S3CR3T4RY 1S POL1T1CS

You continue forward. Roxy almost stumbles as his pace quickens, trying to keep out of engagement distance with you while not turning his back.

TEREZI: YOU CHOOS1NG TO B3 4 F3NC3-S1TT1NG C3NTR1ST 1S POL1T1CS.  
TEREZI: DOOR OP3N!

You step sideways into your respite block, having backed Roxy up far enough to give you room to enter.

TEREZI: 4ND MY CHOOS1NG YOU TO RUN TH3 SH1P SO TH4T 1 COULD F33L C3RT41N 1'D B3 L3FT 4LON3  
TEREZI: 1S POL1T1CS.  
TEREZI: CLOS3 DOOR.

You expect to hear tears on the other side of the door, but you do not. Roxy is stoic as he walks away, towards the bridge. You wait there for a moment. You are fairly certain that he has some sort of override code he could use to let himself in if he really wanted to, but he does not. Neither does Karkat. You are alone again. Just like you had planned.

You let your cane clatter to the ground beside you. You walk over to your human bed and just let yourself collapse in it face down, kicking off your shoes before pulling your legs under the sheets. The tears finally come, along with quiet, choked sobs. No one comes to check on you, not even Kanaya. After a while, the emotional exhaustion of it all overtakes you and you find yourself falling asleep again.

You are dreaming again. Again John is there. But this time it is not the saccharine dream you experienced before. John is there. You try to go to him, but something grabs your arm. It's Karkat. He wants to know what is going on. You don't have time to explain. He's right there and he could be gone again at any moment. Now there's a hand at your shoulder. It's Roxy. He wants to know how this is going to affect ship morale. You don't have time to explain. It won't. Just trust me, you tell him. You move to take a stride forward but your foot is stuck. Jake has his arms wrapped around your ankle, in tears, speaking unintelligibly. You turn your attention forward. Kanaya is standing between you and John, asking you to help her understand what is going on. She's not holding you back, but you can't see John around her. You're not even sure he's still there. You begin to panic. Your cane is in your hand unsheathed. You swing it and-


	16. Chapter 16

You kind of expected that someone would come knocking, waking you from your slumber. Given your dream, you are almost grateful. 

TEREZI: OP3N DOOR.

You did not, however, expect the entire crew to be waiting outside your door.

KANAYA: Terez-  
TEREZI: CLOS3DOOR!

You went back to your human bed, turned the lights back off, and threw the sheets over your head. You would have none of this. Their hands will grow tired of banging before you grow tired of ignoring them. You are aware in the back of your head that two of them have the ability to bypass the door security, but if they decide they want to heap that additional respect upon your person that is on them.

You can hear muttering outside, punctuated by Karkat's interpretation of a mutter which, in reality, is a soft shout. After a moment, a voice speaks up, clear and distinct, while the others go quiet.

KANAYA: Terezi, It's Me. We Just Want To Talk. You Are Not In Trouble.  
KANAYA: I Understand There Have Been A Series Of Misunderstandings In The Last Few Hours, And-  
TEREZI: W3 4R3 4LR34DY 1NVOLV3D 3NOUGH 4S 1T 1S W1THOUT YOU 4USP1ST1C1NG B3TW33N M3 4ND TH3 R3ST OF TH3 CR3W.  
KANAYA: I'm Not,  
KANAYA: I Mean I Wasn't,  
KANAYA: It Was Not My Intention To-  
ROXY: look i didn't know karkat was gonna go all agro on you  
KARKAT: HEY DON'T PUT THIS ALL ON-  
ROXY: karkat was in the wrong in how he handled that, and i was in the wrong for not taking that into account and reading the situation better.  
KARKAT: BOY THE BOTTOM OF THIS OMNISCUTTLECOACH SURE HAS A NICE VIEW.  
SYSTEM: [IT IS LIKELY, IN MY CALCULATION, THAT IF YOUR CARGO WAS OF ANY ACTUAL THREAT TO US THAT HE WOULD NOT HAVE BROUGHT IT'S PRESENCE ON THE SHIP TO OUR ATTENTION.]  
SYSTEM: [I THEREBY DEDUCED THAT HIS INTENTION IN BRINGING IT TO OUR ATTENTION WAS TO SEW STRIFE AND DISCORD AMONG THE CREW, WHICH IT HAS BEEN MOST SUCCESSFUL IN DOING.]  
SYSTEM: [I BROUGHT MY DEDUCTION TO THE CAPTAIN, AND ALONG WITH KANAYA'S ASSURANCE THAT SHE BOTH KNOWS THE NATURE OF YOUR CARGO AND FEELS CERTAIN THAT IT'S PRESENCE IS OF NO THREAT TO THE REST OF THE CREW, CAPTAIN ROXY HAS JUDGED IT UNNECESSARY TO INVESTIGATE FURTHER INTO THE NATURE OF YOUR MYSTERY PACKAGE.]  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: H3H3  
DAVE: So yeah we just kinda wanted to lay down a proper apology-  
KARKAT: SPEAK FOR YOUR FUCKINGS SELF.  
DAVE: -for the undue aggression upon your person over the nature of your package-  
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3  
DAVE: -and perhaps see if you'd join us for dinner in a few and maybe not lock yourself away in your room for another week.  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: HOW LONG UNT1L D1NN3R.  
KANAYA: About Two Hours. Dave Is Doing Some Sort Of Slow Cooked Moobeast Meat Dish.  
DAVE: It's called barbeque classic Earth 1 Texas-Style, the only bbq worth eating. It's like the only food I've been missing since landing on Earth C.   
DAVE: They seem to have leaned towards inferior pork-based Memphis style bbq-adjacent smoked meats.   
DAVE: I pulled every bit of research I had available on meats of old earth to set up this preparation.   
DAVE: It's been going for hours now and should be ready in a couple more. Karkat's going to help me with some of the fixins.  
KARKAT: YOU STILL HAVEN'T EXPLAINED TO ME WHAT THE FUCK A FIXIN IS.  
DAVE: Words could not do it justice. It would be like following the recipe on the box of cornmeal when making cornbread.   
DAVE: It seems straight forward, but it does not impart the true nature of the task, and you won't understand where you were coming short until someone shows you.  
KANAYA: So,  
KANAYA: Will You Come Out?  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: 1 W1LL.  
TEREZI: NOT R1GHT NOW THOUGH.  
TEREZI: 1'M NOT D3C3NT.  
KANAYA: Terezi We Saw You Moments Ago.  
TEREZI: 1 STR1PP3D DOWN 1N S3LF D3F3NS3.  
TEREZI: 4NYW4Y 1 W1LL B3 TH3R3 FOR D1NN3R.  
TEREZI: 1N TH3 M34NT1ME  
TEREZI: UNL3SS YOU W4NT TO F4C3 OFF W1TH ME 1N TH3 NUD3  
TEREZI: 1 SUGG3ST YOU F1L3 OUT.

There was another round of muttering, with Karkat's semi-whispered "BULLSHIT" audible over the din, before it was followed by the sounds of footfalls processing away from your door. You wait a few moments, then decide to check if the coast is clear. You disengage yourself form your human bed and move to the door.

TEREZI: OP3N DOOR.  
KANAYA: I Knew You Weren't Naked.  
TEREZI: BLUH!

You stumble backward, tripping over your discarded cane and knicking the back of your shin on the blade as it cuts cleanly through your pants before falling on your posterior. Kanaya steps in, looming over you in the dark. As the door closes behind her, she begins to glow softly in the dark, sending your room into wild contrasts as the colors play off her glow.

She steps forward. Kanaya has always been taller than you but in your current positions, she is downright imposing, her glowing skin to your senses even more radiant than it would be to the seeing. She kneels at your feet. You are on your back, propped up on your elbows. She reaches down and gently lifts your wounded leg, rolling up the pant leg.

KANAYA: You Really Should Not Leave Blades About On Your Floor. You Really Are Just Asking For This Sort Of Accident To Happen. It Is Dangerous.

Kanaya leans down and places a sucking kiss on your wound, running her tongue across it. The effect is not as strong as when she bites you, but there is still an element to the blissful anesthesia in effect as she rasps her tongue across your wound, cleaning it.

KANAYA: And Wasteful.

You are a little dumbstruck. As nice as her attentions feel, you are not really in the mood to be ravished at the moment. You are relieved and a little surprised then when, rather than prowling over your prone form, she instead crawls over beside you, sitting on the floor with her back to the bed next to you. You rise to sit and scoot over next to her. She is next to you, close, but there is no concupiscent pressure here, despite her mouth having been on your body just moments ago, just a familiar intimate camaraderie. You lean over and place your head on her shoulder. You sit there for a while. You are unsure exactly how long.

TEREZI: 1 W4NT 1T TO B3 KNOWN TH4T 1 DO NOT BL4M3 YOU FOR WH4T W3NT DOWN.  
KANAYA: Good, Because I Would Not Have Accepted That Blame.  
TEREZI: F41R. SORRY FOR TH3 LOW BLOW W1TH THE 4USP1ST1CM COMM3NT.  
KANAYA: Apology Accepted. I Understand You Were In An Uncomfortable Position But I Would Appreciate It If You Did Not Result To Such Personal Attacks In The Future.  
TEREZI: Y34H TH4T'S F41R, 1 W4S K1NDA SH1TTY TH3R3.  
KANAYA: You Were, But The Fact That You Acknowledge That Means A Lot.

She wraps an arm around you, pulling you close, and leaning her head atop yours. You just sit there in the glow of her for a long time, until you hear a most unusual ringing noise coming from the direction of the dining block.

The two of you made your way to the nutrition block, along with the rest of the crew. Standing in the serving window, striking a triangular piece of formed metal and wearing an absolutely absurd piece of headwear that looked like a mushroom cloud, was Dave.

DAVE: All right my fellow ship residers, step up and grab your plates.  
DAVE: I understand that your spiritual perspectives may be a bit skewed due to being world crafting divine beings,  
DAVE: but prepare yourselves for the singularly spiritual experience of consuming some of the most delectable meat you have ever put in your mouths.  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS PLATE OF BURNT BITS? WHY ARE THEY NOT IN THE TRASH DAVE?  
DAVE: Those go in the beans, they are a key ingredient not to be wasted and I'll ask you not to blaspheme in this holy house of meat.  
KARKAT: DAVE YOU HAVE BEEN GOING ON LIKE THIS FOR HOURS AND IF THIS KEEPS UP MUCH LONGER I MIGHT HAVE TO ASK FOR A DIVORCE ON OUR FRIENDSHIP.  
DAVE: You will understand soon. It will all be clear and when you do you will feel remorse for your jests about the annulment of our bromance.  
KARKAT: HOLY SPHEREGARGLING FUCK YOU ARE STARTING TO SOUND LIKE GAMZEE.  
DAVE: Okay man that isn't even vaguely cool.  
KARKAT: YOU'RE RIGHT MY BAD. I'LL STIR THE BURNT BITS INTO THE STICKY LEGUMES.

Dave turned around and started to set serving trays up on the serving window shelf. There was some sort of creamy cabbage salad, the sticky legumes, sliced white wheatloaf, and a squeeze bottle of some sort of dark, spicy sauce. 

DAVE: Now in some houses of bbq this might be seen as blasphemous, but I understand that many prefer to get their meat wet with some delicious sauce, so I have prepared some condiment to have with your brisket and ribs.   
DAVE: I recommend putting it on the side at first so you can appreciate the delicious flesh in your mouth in its pure form first before adding the sauce.   
DAVE: Now hand over your plate so I can serve you up some of my juicy, dripping goodness.  
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU TRY1NG TO M4K3 US HUNGRY OR HORNY  
TEREZI: 31TH3R W4Y 1M JUST W31RD3D OUT.  
KARKAT: YOU HAVEN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS FOR HOURS ON IN.  
KARKAT: LET'S GET THIS MEAL STARTED BEFORE STRIDER MAKES IT ANY WEIRDER.

It doesn't stop you from handing him your plate, which he takes into the nutrition block to carve slices of moobeast brisket and several of its ribs, all of which have been cooked to a worrying dark brown, almost as though they had been forgotten. You are given your plate back. You slop on some of these sides, or "Fixings" as Dave had referred to them, along with a small puddle of sauce in the corner. 

You resist the urge to cover your plate in it, in part because it's hue is not as appetizing as the sauces served with breakfast, and in part because you want to leave some for everyone else.

You sit down at the table. Kanaya joins you with a considerably smaller plate, more of a sampling than anything, and the rest of the crew joins in short order, the group of you clustered at the center of the oversized dinner table.

Dave watches everyone for their reactions to his meal. He is still wearing the absurd headgear. You try the food. It's alright. A little bland. The tender pink of the meat is a subtle but enjoyable flavor, but it could use more body. The sauce doesn't help much.

TEREZI: N33DSD K3TCHUP.

Dave's expression is a mix of bafflement and disappointment.

DAVE: Terezi your pallet might actually be hopeless.  
KANAYA: Dave If It Helps I Think It Is Quite Nice.  
DAVE: You've barely eaten any of the already minuscule portion you insisted on.  
KANAYA: Well Yes I Don't Actually Gain Any Nutritional Benefit From This Sort Of Food Anymore So There Is No Reason For Me To "Eat My Fill" Now Is There.  
KANAYA: Different Members Of The Crew Have Different Nutritional Needs.  
KANAYA: Terezi Needs Color In Her Food.  
KANAYA: I Don't Need Food In The Traditional Sense.  
ROXY: im allergic to motherwort.  
KANAYA: It Would Be Outright Insensitive To Not Take These Concerns Into Account.  
KANAYA: Would You not Agree, Dave?

Dave looked both taken aback and defeated like he lost a battle he didn't even know he was fighting until it was already over.

KANAYA: That Said Everyone Else Seems To Be Appreciating The Meal, Hence Their Lack Of Commentary.

It was true, everyone else had properly tucked into their plates of food and seemed, based on the enthusiasm with which they were eating, to be quite enjoying themselves.

KANAYA: Terezi I Will Go Acquire Some Ketchup For You.  
DAVE: At least use hot sauce if you're going to do that.  
TEREZI: SOUNDS L1K3 4 PL4N.

It wouldn't strike you until some time later that this was the first time the crew managed to come together for a meal that didn't end in absolute disaster. Everyone was generally pleasant. Jake didn't say anything that made you want to punch him. Kanaya, after finishing her sampling of food, stayed by your side and helped keep the conversation light. Even Karkat seemed less agitated than usual and seemed to really enjoy Dave's meat, especially with Dave's special meat sauce. 

It was finally beginning to look like some measure of peace was coming to the Independent Adventure Vessel the BOLD ASSERTION.

Then you returned to your respite block, and the wallet was gone.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted a double update in celebration of hitting the 50k NaNoWriMo goal. Have a chapter and change still in the hopper. Updates will likely slow a bit but I am still nowhere near an end point. I will update the fic description if I start setting a regular update schedule for myself. In the meantime, enjoy!

If it was anything else that was missing, you might have been able to find amusement in the situation. You may have put up crime scene tape, made a proper investigation of it, enjoyed tense interrogations where you played good cop/bad cop with the rest of the crew (only to most experiences and masterful legislacerators can pull off both roles at once.)

Someone stole John. You are going to kill someone.

Your room had been quite ransacked. There wasn't much to take. You had packed light coming on board. Still, the only thing missing is the wallet. Not even the scarf Kanaya got you as a gift is missing. Did the thief know what they were looking for? Possible, but also compared to the sparse number of items in your room, the wallet with a dead body is kind of a dead ringer for "secret cargo Terezi doesn't want to talk about."

You go over the events of the last few hours. You were in your room with Kanaya until you heard Dave's Nutrient Signalling Triangle. At the time, you were fairly certain everyone else was also in the dining block. Then you went to get your foot, you sat down to eat, and...

Fuck. One of the downsides to perceiving the world by smell and taste is that it can be difficult to pay attention to your surroundings while you are eating. You can still hear just fine, and respond to those immediately around you, but most of the movement in the room while you eat is a blur. You vaguely remember people getting up and returning, most presumably to get more food, but, unless there is yet another secret crew member stowed away somewhere on the ship, someone in the crew you were just starting to get on good terms with took advantage in that drop in your guard to steal the wallet from you. 

To steal John from you.

You pick up your dragon cane, wiping the little bit of your own blood on it off before sheathing it and stowing it in your strife specibus. You take a deep breath. You resist the urge to just lose it on the interior of your respite block. You resist the urge to threaten to start stabbing people until a wallet drops like grist from a gremlin. You are not in a good headspace to ask others about this in a way that will be productive. You are shaking with fury.

TEREZI: *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*  
KANAYA: Door Open.  
KANAYA: Oh Terezi.  
KANAYA: You Look,  
KANAYA: Upset.  
TEREZI: W4LL3T GON3.  
KANAYA: What?  
TEREZI: W4LL3T GON3.  
KANAYA: Oh?  
KANAYA: Oh.  
KANAYA: I See.  
KANAYA: Given The Headway You've Made Towards Reducing The Level Of Animosity Between Yourself And The Rest Of The Crew Recently I Appreciate You Coming To Me First Rather Than Indulging In The Not Entirely Inappropriate Urges You Are Likely Feeling At The Moment.  
KANAYA: Come.  
KANAYA: We Will Take This To The Captain.

The walk to the bridge was tense, despite the fact the two of you were on the same side in this. You are fairly certain Kanaya is not the culprit, if only because, knowing what was in the wallet and how you felt about it, if she really intended on stealing it at some point, she would have had better opportunities that would have also allowed her to clean up the crime scene better. The MO only makes sense for Kanaya if her intent was specifically to sow discord, and she has higher stakes in this voyage than most of the crew.

The two of you enter the bridge. 

ROXY: kanaya. terezi. i see terezi is upsetti again.  
KANAYA: We Need To Speak To You In Private. The Matter Is Most Urgent.  
ROXY: no biggie lets talk before terezi starts threatening people again.

Roxy was somewhere between nonplussed and exasperated. To be fair, you have been irate bordering on violence with your crewmates fairly often in recent days. It's not been without cause, mind you, but you can understand how this would exhaust someone whose job it was to manage the crew. Or you would be more understanding in just about any other scenario than this, which is why Kanaya is doing the talking.

Roxy leads the two of you to a room off to the side of the bridge. You have never seen this part of the ship, and it strikes you that, in your time on the ship, approaching weeks now, you have not actually taken time to get your bearings on the full range of locations within the ship. You put a pin in that thought for later. The room you enter was clearly originally intended for Jake English. There is a very large wooden desk, a wingback chair, a crackling fireplace, class containers of soporifics with glass plugs, and a giant, horrific howlbeast head mounted on the wall behind the chair. In front of the desk were two, smaller, quainter looking chairs. You and Kanaya look at the chairs, then back up to Roxy.

ROXY: i get the concerns but I totes had everything in here disinfected and sterilized when i took over.

You sniff the air. There is a sterile, antiseptic quality that mixes in with the wood smoke. Roxy has a seat behind the desk. Kanaya has a seat in one of the chairs in front of it. You consider staying standing, but at this point, you are trying to downplay how much you want to kill someone and that could probably be read as a hostile gesture so you also take a seat.

ROXY: so lemme start by saying i really appreciate you coming to me like this instead of hauling off and making a situation of whatever has you so riled up.  
TEREZI: SOM3ON3 STOL3 1T.  
ROXY: hmm?  
KANAYA: Captain Roxy, You Are Familiar With The Cargo, Mentioned By Dirk In His Message To Us, That Was The Subject Of Some Degree Of Tension Among The Crew Not But A Day Ago?  
ROXY: i mean i am aware of its existence but seeing as the two of you have kept it a bestie secret from the rest of it i can't say im really familiar with it.  
KANAYA: Yes Well-  
TEREZI: SOME3ON3 STOL3 1T.  
ROXY: oh.  
ROXY: u sure.  
TEREZI: V3RY.  
ROXY: well its gonna be hard to track down a stolen item without knowing what exactly was stolen.

The thought strikes you that if Captain Roxy wanted cause to discover what you were carrying that this would be an excellent gambit to force you into such a position. She would also have had access to your room should she have desired to let herself in.

You weren't even aware of how hard you were clenching your hands around the armrests of your chair until Kanaya reached over and put a hand on yours. Her expression is concerned and caring, and Roxy's is just concerned. Your level of agitation must be quite plain to them at the moment. You take a deep breath and try to calm yourself. 

TEREZI: 1 H4V3 CONC3RNS  
TEREZI: TH4T 1F TH3 N4TUR3 OF MY C4RGO B3COM3S PUBL1C KNOWL3DG3  
TEREZI: TH4T 1T W1LL C4US3 MOR3 STR1F3 4MONG TH3 CR3W TH4N 1T H4S 4LR34DY  
TEREZI: 4LSO TH4T TH3R3 M4Y B3 OBJ3CT1ONS TO R3TURN1NG IT TO MY P3RSON.  
TEREZI: WH1CH WOULD FURTH3R BR34K DOWN R3L4T1ONS B3TW33N M3 4ND TH3 CR3W.  
ROXY: by which you mean you would stab them.  
TEREZI: 1'M GL4D TO S33 W3 UND3RST4ND ON3 4NOTH34.  
KANAYA: I Feel Like There Are Some Aspects Of Your Cargo We Can Share Without Discussion The...  
KANAYA: Sensitive Nature Of The Matter?  
TEREZI: L1K3?  
KANAYA: I Feel We Could Reveal The Nature Of The Container Without Discussion The Contents. Hopefully, The Thief Has Been, Well, Respectful Enough Not To Empty It Out.  
TEREZI: 1 SUPPOS3 1T'S A R34SON4BL3 COMPROM1S3 1N L1GHT OF R3C3NT 3V3NTS.  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: 1T'S 4 W4LL3T.  
ROXY: someone stole your wallet?  
TEREZI: SOM3ON3 STOL3 MY W4LL3T, Y3S.  
ROXY: huh.  
ROXY: well that helps some.  
ROXY: i don't suppose i could convince you to go kick it in your quarters and wait for me to handle this as captain could i?  
KANAYA: Captain I Think We Are Perhaps Pushing The Limits Of My Moirail To Compromise Her Frankly Somewhat Understandable Urge To Stab Someone By Bringing It To Your Attention And Bringing You In On The Investigation.  
KANAYA: Do You Really Want Her Traversing The Distance From Here To Her Respite Block Unsupervised Given Recent Events?  
ROXY: *sigh*  
ROXY: fair.  
ROXY: that said, im going to be the one doing the questioning. you two can be here for it, but I want you as silent observers, k?  
ROXY: no dramatics  
ROXY: no drawing your blade  
ROXY: but ill let you observe and kibitz with you between questioning sessions.  
ROXY: that a fair compromise?  
TEREZI: 1 C4N WORK W1TH TH1S.  
TEREZI: 1 DO NOT PROM1S3 TH4T 1 W1LL NOT B3 CR1T1C4L OF YOUR QU3ST1ON1NG T3CHN1QUE B3TW33N S3SS1ONS.  
TEREZI: BR4C3 YOURS3LF TO R3C13V3 NOT3S.  
ROXY: gotcha.  
ROXY: so who do you think we should question first?  
TEREZI: K4RK4T.  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T 3V3N RE4LLY TH1NK 1T W4S H1M.  
TEREZI: 1T'S TOO OBV1OUS.  
TEREZI: BUT TH4T 1S WHY W3 SHOULD G3T H1M OUT OF TH3 W4Y.  
KANAYA: Yes That Does Make Sense.  
KANAYA: Also, With His Recent Renewed Enthusiasm For His Position As Head Of Security He May Have Useful Observations On The Movement Of The Crew At The Time Of The Theft.  
ROXY: alright ill make the call.

Roxy alchemized a third chair and had the two of you pull your chairs up against the wall opposite the fireplace. Roxy called Karkat to come to her office via her pocket watch, and you could clearly make out Karkat's "WHAT THE FUCK?" followed by more equally irate but less intelligible communication from your vantage several feet away. 

ROXY: well i had hoped to keep from getting karkat wound up at least until we had him in the room.  
ROXY: but apparently we were interrupting something important.  
TEREZI: H3H3H3  
KANAYA: Oh Hush.  
KANAYA: Get Your Courtroom Face On.

You broke into a wide, predatory grin.

KANAYA: Oh Right.  
KANAYA: I Forgot That Was Your Courtroom Face.

A violent knocking came from the door. Roxy pressed something behind her desk, and the door opened. Karkat stormed in like he was the one about to be accusing someone of a crime.

KARKAT: ALRIGHT WHAT THE FUCK.  
KARKAT: YOU CALL ME IN HERE,  
KARKAT: OUTSIDE OF MY CLEARLY POSTED OFFICE HOURS,  
KARKAT: FOR SOME NONSPECIFIC "important business",  
KARKAT: AND YOU HAVE A GODDAMNED AUDIENCE LINED UP TOO?  
KARKAT: WHAT COULD BE SO IMPORTANT THAT IT COULD BE WORTH INTERRUPTED MY REST AND SOLITUDE.

Your keen senses pick up on the lie. Not just is Karkat a bad liar, but beyond that, you can smell Dave on his person. He may have been enjoying his downtime, but you are fairly certain that he was not enjoying it alone.

ROXY: karkat i called you in here because we have a situation that falls strictly within your purview as head of security, but in which we also need to be sure you can be counted as an uninvolved party.  
KARKAT: THE FUCK?  
KARKAT: THERE HAS BEEN A SECURITY SITUATION?  
KARKAT: AND YOU THINK I'M AT FAULT?  
ROXY: i did not say that.  
KARKAT: FUCK YOU!  
KARKAT: FUCK ALL THREE OF YOU.  
KARKAT: THIS IS SOME SORT OF FUCKING TRAP.  
KARKAT: TEREZI IS STILL MAD AT ME,  
KARKAT: AND SHE AND HER PALE SUGAR-LUSUS SOMEHOW HAVE ROPED YOU INTO THEIR REVENGE PLOT.  
KARKAT: OH GOD  
KARKAT: ARE YOU PART OF THEIR FUCKED UP QUADRANT-DEFYING ARRANGEMENT TO?  
ROXY: okay first of all no and second thats fucked up to say like  
ROXY: what if i was  
ROXY: you really need to stop being so judgy of other people's relationships.  
ROXY: just because you have anxieties over what you have with dave.

The room went silent. You are impressed. You're not sure you would have gone for such a deep cut so early in the interrogation but it definitely had an effect. Karkat is, for the moment, speechless.

ROXY: have you used your security clearance to enter anywhere you would otherwise not be able to go since dinner?  
KARKAT: ...  
ROXY: i can wait.  
KARKAT: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FUCKING WENT THERE.  
KARKAT: LET ME OUT OF THIS ROOM.  
ROXY: you will leave when i allow you to.  
KARKAT: THE FUCK I WILL.

Karkat stood from his seat so dramatically that his chair fell to the ground behind him.

KARKAT: SHIP OPEN CAPTAINS OFFICE DOOR! SECURITY CLEARANCE OMEGA CRAB NINE.  
ROXY: belay that order, security clearance roxy!  
KARKAT: YOU MADE YOUR FUCKING SECURITY CLEARANCE CODE YOUR NAME?  
ROXY: it's tied to voice imprint it's not like someone else figuring it out would help.  
KARKAT: ROXY I CANNOT DO THIS RIGHT NOW.  
KARKAT: I AM GOING TO HAVE A SHIT.  
KARKAT: I AM GOING TO SHIT MYSELF AND DIE RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOUR LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.  
ROXY: karkat have a seat.  
ROXY: you can shit later.  
KARKAT: OR WHAT  
ROXY: or i am going to let terezi take over this line of questioning.

Karkat set his seat back up and promptly sat himself down.

KARKAT: WHAT QUESTIONS CAN I ANSWER FOR YOUR CAPTAIN?

Roxy seemed a little taken aback at how well that threat worked. You can tell that Karkat is still very keyed up, moreso in fact than when he was having his outburst moments ago.

ROXY: between dinner and now, have you used your security clearance to try to open any doors you would not otherwise have access to.  
ROXY: other than mine just now.  
KARKAT: NO SIR.   
KARKAT: OFFICE HOURS END AT DINNER  
KARKAT: UNLESS YOU TOLD ME TO OR SOMETHING VERY STUPID WENT DOWN,  
KARKAT: I DON'T WORK OVERTIME.  
ROXY: can you tell me what you did after dinner?

Karkat tensed up. You already know the answer to this question, but Karkat doesn't know that and it's making him deeply uncomfortable to have to consider answering it in front of a crowd. The fact that one of the crowd was his former crush probably didn't help.

KARKAT: I  
KARKAT: UH  
KARKAT: PLEAD THE HUMAN FIFTH?  
ROXY: i know this probably isn't a subject on which you are particularly well studied  
ROXY: but lemme tell you something  
ROXY: human maritime law has almost as much in common with alternian legal customs than anything that went on in courtrooms on earth.  
ROXY: i am the final arbiter here.  
ROXY: and your plead is denied.

Roxy rests his hands on his desk, lacing his fingers together.

ROXY: so, you can answer my questions  
ROXY: honestly and clearly  
ROXY: or i can make you wish I had just left you to terezi.

The tension in the room is so thick you are pretty sure even Kanaya can taste it. Hell, passersby might be able to catch a whiff of it even without your particularly well-trained nose.

KARKAT: I  
KARKAT: I WAS HANGING OUT.  
KARKAT: WITH DAVE.  
KARKAT: ON HIS RIDICULOUS FOLDING LOUNGEPLANK/HUMANBED.  
KARKAT: JUST  
KARKAT: BEING NORMAL WITHIN RESPECTABLE PROXIMITY TO ONE ANOTHER.

It is at this point that you realize neither Kanaya nor Roxy had picked up on what exactly they had interrupted. Kanaya has brought a hand to her mouth and Roxy, despite keeping an impressively stoic expression, cannot stop his cheeks from flushing ever so slightly.

ROXY: ah  
ROXY: i see  
ROXY: okay i got you. dave will corroborate this?   
KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUSLY GOING TO ASK HIM ABOUT THIS?  
KARKAT: PLEASE FUCK JUST  
KARKAT: TRUST THAT WE WERE JUST HAVING A NORMAL OLD TIME WATCHING EARTH TELEVISION STREAMING SERVICES.  
ROXY: and chilling.  
KARKAT: THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING LOWERING OF THE TEMPERATURE STOP MAKING THIS WEIRD.  
ROXY: alright. its cool. i believe you.  
ROXY: well i believe that you weren't involved in what we were worried about anyways.  
KARKAT: THANK FUCKING US.  
KARKAT: CAN I GO NOW?  
ROXY: not quite. i wasn't pulling your leg when I said that what happened is security related. now that we are all fairly certain you can be trusted...

Roxy looks over at you. You do not turn to face him, but you give him a small nod.

ROXY: we would like to bring you in on the investigation.  
KARKAT: WHAT FUCKING WILD GOOSE CHASE DOES TEREZI HAVE YOU ON.  
TEREZI: 1 W4S FUCK1NG ROBB3D YOU 1NS3NS1T1V3 P13C3 OF SH1T.  
KARKAT: WHAT DID SOMEONE COME AFTER YOUR SUPER SECRET BUT NOT AT ALL WORTH WORRYING ABOUT CARGO YOU WERE READY TO KILL HALF THE CREW OVER?  
TEREZI: Y3S 4CTU4LLY.  
KANAYA: And We Hoped To Pursue A Solution With A Somewhat Lower Body Count If It Is At All Possible.

Karkat took a moment to absorb that.

KARKAT: WAIT.  
KARKAT: FUCKING REALLY?  
KARKAT: HOW?  
KARKAT: EVERYONE WHO SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR RESPITE BLOCK IS IN THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW.  
TEREZI: 4ND Y3T 1 F33L F4IRLY C3RT41N TH4T NON3 OF YOU H4V3 MOT1V3 TO P3RFORM TH3 CR1M3, 4T L34ST NOT 1N TH3 M3THOD 1T H4S B33N P3RFORM3D.  
TEREZI: 1F 1 M4Y, C4PT41N?

Roxy nodded and sat back in his chair.

TEREZI: K4N4Y4 KNOWS TH3 N4TUR3 OF TH3 C4RGO.   
TEREZI: SH3 H4S NO ST4T3D OBJ3CT1ON TO 1T 4ND H4S   
TEREZI: 1N F4CT   
TEREZI: SPOK3N 1N MY D3F3NS3 ON TH1S M4TT3R ON MULT1PL3 OCC4S1ONS.  
TEREZI: FURTH3R D3SP1T3 OUR CURR3NT R3L4T1ONSH1P SH3 H4S NOT, TO MY KNOWL3DG3, B33N G1V3N 4CC3SS TO MY ROOM ON 4 S3CUR1TY L3V3L.  
KANAYA: That Is Correct.  
TEREZI: SH3 H4S 4LSO GON3 TO GR34T L3NGTHS TO TRY TO H3LP BU1LD R4PPORT B3TW33N MYS3LF 4ND TH3 R3ST OF TH3 CR3W.  
TEREZI: 1F SH3 H4D SIMPLY W1SH3D TO ST34L MY C4RGO FROM M3   
TEREZI: SH3 COULD H4V3 DON3 SO 1N SUCH 4 M4NN3R WH3R3 1T WOULD H4V3 T4K3N F4R LONG3R FOR M3 TO D1SCOV3R WH4T H4D H4PP3N3D.  
TEREZI: 4ND G1V3N H3R KNOWL3DG3 OF TH3 C4RGO, 1 DO NOT SUSP3CT SH3 WOULD H4V3 R34SON TO W4NT 1T FOR H3RS3LF.  
TEREZI: SO K4N4Y4 1S 4S CLOS3 TO C3RT41NLY 1NNOC3NT 4S POSS1BL3 G1V3N TH3 C1RCUMST4NC3S.  
KANAYA: You Could Not Simply Say That I Was Innocent, Could You?

You stand. If you are going to do this, you are going to do it right. There is even a fireplace for dramatic effect. The only thing that would make this more thematically appropriate would be a thunderstorm, which is unfortunately impossible within the vacuum of space.

TEREZI: MOV1NG ON.

You begin pacing.

TEREZI: ROXY WOULD B3 TH3 N3XT MOST L1K3LY C4ND1D4T3.  
KARKAT: WAIT WHAT ABOUT-  
TEREZI: 1 W1LL G3T TO YOU.  
TEREZI: 1T WOULD B3 UND3RST4ND4BL3 TH4T H3 M1GHT W4NT TO 3NSUR3 TH3 S4F3TY OF TH3 SH1P 4ND CR3W UND3R H1S CH4RGE.  
TEREZI: WH1CH 1S 3X4CTLY WHY H3 WOULDN'T DO TH1S.  
TEREZI: H3 KNOWS HOW CLOS3 1V3 COM3 TO V1OL3NC3 WH3N PUSH3D ON TH1S P4RT1CUL4R TOP1C.  
TEREZI: 1 3XP3CT  
TEREZI: W3R3 H3 TO PURSU3 SUCH 4 COURS3 OF 4CT1ON,  
TEREZI: H3'D H4NDL3 1T W1TH K1D GLOV3S.  
TEREZI: WH1CH TH3 ST4T3 MY R3SP1T3BLOCK W4S L3FT 1N  
TEREZI: DO3S NOT 1ND1C4T3.  
TEREZI: H3 KNOWS   
TEREZI: R3G4RDL3SS OF 1F H3 W4S TH3 CULPR1T OR NOT  
TEREZI: TH4T 1 WOULD COM3 TO H1M F1RST  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 4M NOT GO1NG TO L13  
TEREZI: 1 W4S R34DY TO CROSS BL4D3S W1TH H1M WH3N 1 F1RST D1SCOV3R3D TH3 CRIME  
TEREZI: WH1CH 1S PR3C1S3LY WHY 1 DON'T SUSP3CT HIM.  
ROXY: thanks i guess?  
KARKAT: OKAY BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?  
KARKAT: ARE YOU SAYING I AM INCAPABLE OF SCOURING YOUR ROOM  
KARKAT: FINDING THE "OFFENDING CARGO"  
KARKAT: AND CONFRONTING YOU ON THE MATTER.  
TEREZI: TH4TS TH3 TH1NG  
TEREZI: 1F YOU H4D DON3 1T  
TEREZI: W3'D KNOW BY NOW  
TEREZI: B3C4US3 YOU WOULD H4V3 S41D SOM3TH1NG.  
TEREZI: 1F NOT TO M3  
TEREZI: TH3N TO ROXY  
TEREZI: 4ND M4D3 4 B1G SHOW OF TH3 R1SKS YOU TOOK TO DO YOUR DUTY.  
KARKAT: I  
KARKAT: YOU  
KARKAT: FUCK YOU ALRIGHT  
TEREZI: SO, TH3 QU3ST1ON TH3N B3COM3S,  
TEREZI: WHO 3LS3 COULD G3T 1NTO MY R3SP1T3 BLOCK.

You pace back over to your seat and sit down, leaning back and crossing your legs. There is a thoughtful silence in the room.

KANAYA: Is It Possible That Jake Retained Some Of His Captain Privileges, Or Perhaps Some Other Set Of Privileges As Owner Of The Ship.  
ROXY: nah  
ROXY: when he got assigned as "cargo" for a while he got stripped of all permissions save for the door to his quarters.  
KARKAT: I STILL THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE DENIED HIM THAT, TOO.  
ROXY: we've given him a new role as engineer but that doesnt give him personal quarter access just like every other door on the ship.  
TEREZI: 4ND YOU V3R1F13D TH1S P3RSON4LLY?  
ROXY: yeah i had system show me the permissions list when she made jake the engineer.

There was another silence, this one much more tense. It seemed only Roxy did not realize the weight of what he had just said.

TEREZI: S4Y TH4T ON3 MOR3 TIM3?  
ROXY: usually when i give permissions it only is for like one session like how jake had the pilot console set up before.   
ROXY: if i wanna get someone set up in the long term they gotta have their file edited in the main computer and thats systems job as sysadmin.  
KARKAT: THE FUCK?  
KARKAT: ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT JAKE'S SECRETARY/FUCKTOY  
KARKAT: HAS THE ABILITY TO JUST HAND OUT PERMISSIONS AT WILL?  
ROXY: yeah but she doesn't have permission to go into people's personal quarters or anything so i don't-  
KARKAT: DOES SHE HAVE THE ABILITY TO GIVE HERSELF THOSE PERMISSIONS?  
KARKAT: AND THEN LATER REMOVE THEM IN CASE, SAY  
KARKAT: SHE WANTED TO SHOW THE CAPTAIN THE PERMISSIONS IN LIST FORM?  
ROXY: :o


	18. Chapter 18

The four of you made your way down into the engineering section of the ship through the hatch in the bridge. It made far too much sense. System was the one who had defused the tensions surrounding your secret, likely because she knew there would be no way to get at your respite block while your guard was up. She would have had to work fast, as it would draw massive suspicion if anyone saw her opening doors she wasn't supposed to be able to, even if they also wanted to know what you were carrying. She had motive. She had an opportunity. Her window of opportunity also lines up with the state she found her respite block in. The only thing you couldn't quite figure out was motive.

That you'd have to get straight from the source.

You reached her room, the SYSTEM CENTER room. You would think the name had to be the result of someone in the ectobiology lab not understanding human words if not for the fact that your species by and large share a language. Maybe someone was feeling particularly lazy or vindictive that day? Could that have been the motive?

Roxy is taking the lead on this one. Roxy is technically the only of your group System is required to answer to. Roxy had posed the possibility of getting Jake to join your group to try to reason with System, but ultimately decided against it when you pointed out that if you were going to have to work with him, you would not take the option of using him as a hostage if necessary off the table. Roxy ultimately decided it was simpler just to do the talking himself. You agreed that it was probably the best course of action.

ROXY: *bang bang bang*  
ROXY: hey system you there? i gotta chat with you about a thing.  
SYSTEM: [YOU AND THREE OTHERS. MARYAM, PYROPE, AND VANTAS, IF I AM NOT MISTAKEN. THE LIGHTING IS NOT IDEAL DOWN HERE BUT I AM PRETTY SURE THAT IS CORRECT.]  
KARKAT: WHEN DID YOU INSTALL CAMERAS?  
KARKAT: WHERE ALL DID YOU INSTALL FUCKING CAMERAS?  
SYSTEM: [YES KARKAT IS DEFINITELY OUT THERE]  
SYSTEM: [AND QUITE UPSET FROM THE SOUND OF THINGS]  
SYSTEM: [FOR THAT REASON I THINK I WILL BE LEAVING THE DOOR CLOSED FOR THE TIME BEING]  
ROXY: sorry but im gonna have to order you to open this door. shits real important.  
SYSTEM: [I AM AFRAID I CANNOT COMPLY WITH THAT ORDER.]  
ROXY: open this door, security clearance roxy.

There was a silent moment of anticipation. Nothing happened.

ROXY: wth  
ROXY: i said security clearance ROXY!  
SYSTEM: [THIS DOOR IS NOT TIED TO THE COMPUTER SYSTEM.]  
SYSTEM: [AND, AFTER THE LAST TIME THE SANCTITY OF MY WORKSPACE WAS SO RUDELY INTRUDED UPON, I TOOK IT UPON MYSELF TO INSTALL AN ANALOG KEY LOCK.]  
SYSTEM: [I HAVE THE KEY, OF COURSE. IT IS MY OFFICE/RESPITE BLOCK, AFTER ALL, GIVEN TO ME BY THE OWNER OF THE SHIP, MR. ENGLISH HIMSELF.]  
SYSTEM: [SO YOU SHOULD LEAVE ME BE FOR THE TIME BEING.]  
SYSTEM: [I AM PRESENTLY OTHERWISE OCCUPIED WITH A PERSONAL ENDEAVOR.]  
TEREZI: BUSY 3X4M1N1NG TH3 STOL3N GOODS.  
SYSTEM: [I AM CERTAIN THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS THAT YOU ARE REFERRING TO.]  
SYSTEM: [IT IS IMPORTANT FOR A LADY TO HAVE SOME PERSONAL TIME.]  
SYSTEM: [I NEED TO UNWIND]  
SYSTEM: [IT HAS BEEN A STRESSFUL LAST FEW DAYS.]  
SYSTEM: [ALSO I AM PRESENTLY IN A STATE OF PARTIAL UNDRESS.]  
SYSTEM: [I UNDERSTAND THAT LAST TIME YOU DID NOT KNOW WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO BE WALKING IN ON.]  
SYSTEM: [BUT, YOU CERTAINLY WOULD NOT COME INTO MY ROOM, VIOLATING MY PRIVACY KNOWING WHAT I HAVE TOLD YOU, WOULD YOU?]

Kanaya and Roxy looked to you. You could make out much through the thick steel door, but there was a distinct lack of funk you'd associate with the kind of assertion she was making thinly veiled implications towards. You shake your head, communicating your read of the situation to the others. Kanaya stepped forward.

KANAYA: I Would Not, In Fact, Do Such A Thing,  
KANAYA: Assuming That I Did, In Fact, Believe You.  
KANAYA: But, Seeing As I Do Not,

The roar of a chainsaw filled the cramped corridor. Given how cramped it was, the echoing of the loud motor was quite unpleasant on your ears.

KANAYA: I Will Ask, One More Time, That You Open This Door.  
SYSTEM: [YOU ARE BLUFFING.]  
SYSTEM: [THERE IS NO WAY A CHAINSAW COULD CUT-]

System's voice was drowned out by the screech of Kanaya's chainsaw coming into contact with the metal of the door. You had to cover your ears. The noise was absolutely painful. You could smell the white-hot cinnamon of the sparks flying off the door. You are unsure as to what exactly Kanaya's chainsaw is made of, having not paid terribly close attention to her strife specibus in the past, but whatever it is, it is making short work of the door.

You can only just make out System's protests over the noise. You can't make out what she is saying, but you can tell when she stops trying, shortly before Kanaya kicks in the door.

The four of your entered and

Frankly, this is an outcome you should have foreseen. John's corpse is laid out on a folding table in the middle of the room.

KARKAT: WHAT  
KARKAT: THE  
KARKAT: FUCK!  
ROXY: oh damn fuck is that egbert?  
TEREZI: 1T 1S 1N F4CT.  
KARKAT: WAS *THIS* YOUR FUCKING SECRET CARGO.  
KANAYA: I Did Say It Was Of No Danger To The Crew In Terezi's possession.  
SYSTEM: [OKAY BUT WHY DID YOU MURDER YOUR FRIEND AND CARRY HIS BODY AROUND IN A WALLET.]  
SYSTEM: [THAT SEEMS LIKE THE ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR OF SOMEONE WHO SHOULD NOT BE TRUSTED TO WALK AROUND THE SHIP FREELY AND ARMED.]  
SYSTEM: [WOULD YOU NOT AGREE, CAPTAIN ROXY?]  
ROXY: i uh hmmmm   
ROXY: maybe?  
TEREZI: 1 D1D NOT K1LL H1M.   
TEREZI: 1 ONLY K3PT TH3 CORPS3 TO PROT3CT H1M.  
TEREZI: 4ND M4YB3 F1ND 4 W4Y TO H3LP H1M.  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 D1DN'T W4NT TO H4V3 TO D34L W1TH H1S FR13ND R34CT1NG TO   
TEREZI: TH3 M4C4BR3 SP3CT4CL3   
TEREZI: OF M3 H4UL1NG 4ROUND H1S BODY.  
TEREZI: BUT NOW 3V3RYON3 1N TH1S ROOM KNOWS.  
TEREZI: WH1CH M34NS SOON D4V3 W1LL KNOW,  
TEREZI: 4ND 1'M SUR3 4FT3R H3 G3TS DON3 W1TH TH3 1N3V1T4BL3 BR34KDOWN,  
TEREZI: 3V3RYON3 1N TH3 G4L4XY W1LL KNOW.  
SYSTEM: [ALSO NOW THAT THE SECRET IS OUT I SEE NO REASON NOT TO TELL MR. ENGLISH.]  
TEREZI: G1V3N 3V3RYTH1NG 3LSE   
TEREZI: J4K3'S F33LINGS ON TH3 M4TT3R 4R3 NOT MY GR34T3ST CONC3RN.

Roxy approached the corpse, looking it over.

Roxy: wut happen tho?  
TEREZI: LORD 3NGL1SH TRI3D TO B1T3 H1M 1N H4LF.  
TEREZI: CH3RUB V3NOM 1S 4 H3LL OF 4 DRUG.  
TEREZI: 1 H3LP3D H1M G3T TH3 TOOTH OUT  
TEREZI: BUT  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: 1 D1D WH4T 1 COULD.  
ROXY: he looks beat to hell  
KARKAT: WAIT  
KARKAT: WAIT A SINGULAR FUCKING MEASURE OF TIME.

Karkat forced his way past Roxy, looking over the body.

KARKAT: MOST OF THESE MARKS WERE NOT MADE BY SOMETHING LORD ENGLISH'S SIZE.  
KARKAT: LIKE YOU CAN SEE WHERE JOHN DID IN FACT ALMOST GET BITTEN IN HALF, ALONG WITH SOME BRUISING FROM WHAT I IMAGINE WAS A PRETTY EPIC IF NOT ALSO LIKELY STUPID SHOWDOWN.  
KARKAT: BUT THIS SHIT ON HIS NECK?  
KARKAT: AND ON HIS ARMS?  
KARKAT: FUCK THERE IS MORE ON THE TORSO.  
KARKAT: TEREZI PYROPE  
KARKAT: DID YOU FUCK THIS CORPSE?  
TEREZI: YOU GODD4MN3D 4M4TUR3  
TEREZI: THOS3 WOUNDS W3R3 CL34RLY 1NFL1CT3D B3FOR3 D34TH.  
TEREZI: LOOK TH3Y 3V3N H4D T1M3 TO B3G1N TO SC4R OV3R.  
KANAYA: ...  
KANAYA: Terezi I Am Detecting A Distinct Lack Of Denial In The Core Of The Accusation That You Had Sexual Relations With That Body, Given The Crux Of Your Argument, Is A Matter Of Timeframe.  
TEREZI: ...  
KARKAT: HOLY SHIT.  
KARKAT: I CANNOT  
KARKAT: FUCK THIS  
KARKAT: FUCK THIS I'M OUT.  
ROXY: karkat you have a duty-  
KARKAT: WE DON'T EXACTLY HAVE A BRIG I CAN TAKE ANYONE TO  
KARKAT: SO UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO LOCK SYSTEM IN THE NUTRITION BLOCK OR SOMETHING  
KARKAT: I AM GOING TO GO TO MY RESPITE BLOCK  
KARKAT: AND TRY TO BLEACH THE IMAGE OF TEREZI DOING *THAT* TO EGBERTS BODY FROM MY MIND.  
KARKAT: FUCK YOU ALL VERY MUCH  
KARKAT: I'M OUT.

Karkat half-ran half-scrambled from the room and up the stairs. You anticipate that, at the very least, Dave is about to find out what just happened. Given Karkat's normal volume and current level of distress, Jake overhearing regardless of where he might be on the ship was more likely than not.

ROXY: soooo  
ROXY: system why exactly did you think this was a good idea?  
SYSTEM: [IT WAS MY CONCERN THAT MS PYROPE, HAVING PROVEN TO BE THE MOST UNSTABLE MEMBER OF THE CREW, COULD NOT BE TAKEN AT HER WORD WITH REGARDS TO THE NATURE OF HER CARGO.]  
SYSTEM: [AND I WOULD NOT ALLOW UNDUE RISK TO COME TO MR. ENGLISH]  
SYSTEM: [OR HIS SWEET, FLAWLESS BODY.]  
ROXY: gross.  
SYSTEM: [NOW, HAVING DISCOVERED THE NATURE OF THE CARGO, I DO AGREE THAT IT DOES NOT POSE AN INTRINSIC THREAT TO THE CREW.]  
SYSTEM: [I DO HOWEVER WORRY ABOUT THE SAFETY OF KEEPING MS PYROPE ON BOARD.]  
TEREZI: TH3 FUCK YOU S4Y?  
SYSTEM: [YOU ARE CLEARLY UNSTABLE.]  
SYSTEM: [YOU ARE CARRYING AROUND A DEAD BODY THAT YOU HAD SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH SOMEWHERE AROUND THE TIME OF DEATH.]  
SYSTEM: [I PERFORMED SOME RUDIMENTARY EXAMINATIONS]  
TEREZI: WH4T?!  
SYSTEM: [AND FOUND YOUR DNA STILL ON THE BODY.]  
ROXY: gross.  
SYSTEM: [FOR ALL I KNOW AT THIS TIME, YOU KILLED HIM IN THE ACT.]  
TEREZI: F1RST OF 4LL FUCK YOU.  
TEREZI: S3COND  
TEREZI: YOU SEE THE B1G BL4CK3N3D WOUND 1N H1S CH3ST?  
TEREZI: TH4T W4S FROM H1S F1GHT W1TH LORD 3NGL1SH H1MS3LF.  
TEREZI: H3 H4D 4 TOOTH LODG3D 1N TH3R3.  
TEREZI: 1 H3LP3D HIM R3MOV3 1T.  
SYSTEM: [BEFORE OR AFTER RAVISHING HIM IN HIS WEAKENED STATE.]

You step forward. Your dragon cane is in your hand one moment, insheathed the next, and you are marching on System with deadly purpose. Neither Roxy, who is to paralyzed with indecision, nor Kanaya, who looks simply shocked and stunned, make any motion to stop you. You are not sure that you want to kill System, but you are not going to suffer this any further. You thrust, intending on stopping just short of putting the tip of your blade through System's throat, but she responds, retrieving a weapon of her own from her strife specibus. 

A Crockercorp Issue Combat Spork.

She parries your blow and you take a step back, taking a defensive stance.

TEREZI: W3LL W3LL W3LL  
TEREZI: WH4T H4V3 W3 H3R3?  
TEREZI: 4 CROCK3RCORP SPY?  
ROXY: :O  
KANAYA: Frankly I'm Suprised.  
KANAYA: Jane Was Clearly Quite Fond Of Jake. I'm Shocked She Okayed You Letting Him Get Off Planet, Let Alone Your Other Shared Activities.  
KANAYA: Also That She Would Leave Such A Task To A Troll After Showing Such Deep Distrust Of Our People In The Public Sphere.  
KANAYA: I Suppose Her Hypocrisy Knows No Bounds.  
SYSTEM: [I STOPPED RECEIVING ORDERS FROM MS. CROCKER ONCE WE GOT OFF PLANET. I STOPPED FOLLOWING HER ORDERS SOMETIME BEFORE THEN.]  
SYSTEM: [PART OF ME HATES TO PROVE HER DISTRUST OF THE ALTERNIAN-HERITAGED PEOPLE OF EARTH C TRUE.]  
SYSTEM: [BUT, AS THE ELDERS ARE FOND OF SAYING,]  
SYSTEM: [YOU MISS 100% OF THE SHOTS YOU DON'T TAKE.]  
SYSTEM: [AND I HAD A SHOT AT JAKE ENGLISH]  
SYSTEM: [SO I TOOK IT AND I HAVE NO REGRETS.]  
TEREZI: SO YOU 4R3 ACT1NG IN D3F14NC3 OF YOUR CORPOR4T3 M4ST3RS?  
SYSTEM: [IF YOU MEAN JANE, YES.]  
SYSTEM: [IF YOU MEAN JAKE, HE IS NO LONGER MY MASTER.]  
SYSTEM: [SINCE HE LOST CONTROL OF HIS SHIP, THE DYNAMIC OF OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS SHIFTED.]  
SYSTEM: [I AM THE MASTER]  
SYSTEM: [HE IS THE ASSISSTANT.]  
SYSTEM: [EMPHASIS ON ASS.]  
ROXY: gross.  
TEREZI: TH4T 1S 4LL W3LL 4ND GOOD  
TEREZI: TH4T M34NS YOU D1S4BL3D TH3 L1ST3N1NG 4ND TRACKING D3V1C3S 1N TH4T SPORK, Y3S?  
SYSTEM: [WHAT?]  
KANAYA: Oh God Damn It.

Kanaya slips past you, revving her chainsaw back up to a roar. System takes a defensive stance with her spork, but that is exactly what Kanaya wants. She brings the force of her chainsaw down on the spork, its teeth biting into the material and tearing it in two. The force rips it from System's hands, leaving the two halves of the floor. Kanaya begins stomping the remains, the weapon chock full of electronic systems both for battle and observation of units in the field.

TEREZI: W3LL  
TEREZI: W3 4R3 4LMOST 4SSUR3DLY B31NG FOLLOW3D 4T TH1S PO1NT.  
TEREZI: 1F NOT BY J4N3 H3RS3LF TH4N BY 4 SH1P UND3R H3R COMM4ND.  
ROXY: maybe she's going to be willing to talk? maybe she just wants to help?

Your sightless glare when you turn around to face Roxy is more searing than any expression you could have made when you were sighted. 

ROXY: i am going to go see about establishing a brig.  
KANAYA: I Am Going To Watch The Prisoner.  
KANAYA: Terezi It Might Be Best If You Waited Elsewhere.  
KANAYA: I Worry She May Attempt To Provoke You Further And I Feel She Might Be Needed For Questioning At The Very Least.  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: WH3R3 1S TH3 W4LL3T.

System points at the table. It's sitting there, next to Egbert, on the far side of him from the door. You retrieve it, then pause. This is the first time you have laid eyes on John's body since storing it. He's not decomposed, perhaps an effect of being stored in the wallet. He still looks more or less how he did when you last spoke to him. You can still hear the sound of him bleeding and smell the scent of him dying.

KANAYA: I Assume The Reason You Kept The Body Is That You Hope To Possibly Revive Him.  
KANAYA: Am I Correct?  
TEREZI: TH4T 1S P4RT OF 1T.  
TEREZI: BUT MOR3 IMPORT4NTLY  
TEREZI: D1RK W4NT3D M3 TO BR1NG H1M TH3 BODY.  
TEREZI: SO TH3R3 1S NO FUCKING W4Y 1 W4S GO1NG TO L34V3 1T UN4TT3ND3D.  
TEREZI: 4ND NOW 1M GO1NG TO H4V3 TO PL34D MY C4S3 TO TH3 R3ST OF TH3 CR3W

You turn to System.

TEREZI: B3C4US3 YOU TOOK D1RK'S P41NFULLY OBV1OUS B41T.  
TEREZI: SO TH4NKS FOR TH4T.  
KANAYA: Terezi.  
KANAYA: I Just Want You To Know Something.

You pause and brace for bad news. Even when you were straight with Kanaya, you still held things back. You figured you might lose her if the truth came out. It seems you may have fulfilled your own prophecy.

KANAYA: This Changes Nothing Between Us.

You perk up, facing her, but still subconsciously holding your breath.

KANAYA: I Trust You.  
KANAYA: I Trust You Had Your Reason.  
KANAYA: I Do Not Feel You Acted In Bad Faith.  
KANAYA: And More Than Anything.  
KANAYA: I Will Not Give Dirk Fucking Strider The Satisfaction Of Destroying Another Of My Relationships With His Flagrant Bullshit.  
KANAYA: Whatever Direction The Coming Discourse Takes, I Will Be By Your Side, Figuratively If Not Literally.  
KANAYA: Right Now I Have A Prisoner To Guard.  
KANAYA: So, I Will Not Be Able TO Assist You In Running Damage Control.  
KANAYA: But I Trust You To Do The Best You Can.

Holy shit. You did not expect to be fighting back tears at this point. You do your best to compose yourself.

TEREZI: TH4NK YOU K4N4Y4.  
TEREZI: TH4T M34NS MOR3 TH4N YOU KNOW.

With that, you turn to head outwards and upwards to meet with a crew that will inevitably have some pressing questions.


	19. Chapter 19

DAVE: Let me see him.  
JAKE: Now I don't know if this quite the proper place to be producing-

Dave slammed his palm down on the long table running most of the length of the dining block.

DAVE: She has been carrying the body of one of my best friends around in her back pocket and didn't even bother to let me know that he had died.   
DAVE: I think the very least courtesy she could do me is letting me pay my last respects.  
ROXY: yeah but what if we find a way-  
DAVE: Then that's a conversation for when we find that way to bring John back from the dead for the billionth time but for right now it looks like it is going to fucking stick and I want to see him before he rots beyond fucking recognition!

Karkat was there, by Dave's side, holding Dave's off-hand in his in a gesture of support far more open and obvious than Karkat would, under normal circumstances, let anyone else actually see. Dave was, understandably, distraught by the news that his best friend was both dead and had been here the whole time.

ROXY: here ill whip up something sanitary to cover the table with that we can toss later.

Roxy excused himself to the nutrition block. There was an alchemical console in there, normally for producing foodstuffs, but ultimately just as functional for a full range of punchcard alchemy as any of the other consoles on the ship.

KARKAT: DAVE, DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO HELP?  
KARKAT: I MEAN, I KNOW YOU ARE SOMEONE DESENSITIZED TO SEEING DEAD BODIES.  
KARKAT: MOSTLY YOUR OWN.  
KARKAT: BUT IS THIS SOMETHING YOU ARE CERTAIN YOU ARE NOT GOING TO REGRET IN SHORT ORDER?  
KARKAT: I MEAN I'VE GOT YOUR BACK IF YOU ARE SURE.  
KARKAT: I'M JUST WANTING TO MAKE FUCKING SURE THAT YOU ARE FUCKING SURE THAT THIS ISN'T GOING TO SEND YOU SPIRALLING INTO SOME SORT OF BREAKDOWN.  
KARKAT: BECAUSE TO BE REAL I'M PROBABLY GOING TO BE HAVING MY OWN SMALL FREAK OUT AND MY CAPACITY FOR BEING SUPPORTIVE IS PROBABLY GOING TO FLUCTUATE FOR A BIT WHILE I GATHER MY SHIT.  
DAVE: I am very sure. I'll either have regret nightmares for the rest of my life from not seeing him one last time   
DAVE: or regular nightmares for the next few nights from seeing my friend's corpse.   
Dave: I've run the cost-benefit analysis in my head already.  
ROXY: alright i got a plastic tarp. help me spread this on the table.

Everything that might ever be used to do anything involving food was removed from the table and taken to the nutrition block. This sky blue plastic plane was spread over the table, covering it like an oversized crinkly tablecloth.

DAVE: Alright the table is set.  
DAVE: Serve up my dead bestie.

You pull out the wallet.

DAVE: Oh of course you stuck my dead friend in his dead dad's wallet cool cool   
DAVE: Did you keep the wallet stored in something else dead and close to him like some sort of morbid turducken?

You produce the body. The block is silent.

Karkat steps away from the body, letting go of Dave as Dave steps forward.

KARKAT: FUCK. I HATE THIS. I HATE SEEING THIS. I THOUGHT I WAS DONE SEEING PEOPLE DIE LIKE THIS.  
TEREZI: TH3R3 H3 1S  
TEREZI: BY POPUL4R D3M4ND.  
DAVE: Holy shit.   
DAVE: What the fuck.  
DAVE: A *tooth* did this to him.

Dave reached out a hand towards the desiccated, off-colored wound in the center of John's chest. Though bandaged, little veins of venom could still be seen stretching out from the point of injury past the bandages. Dave stopped short of touching the John corpse, recoiling his hand when he got close like a child realizing fire his hot.

His hand, along with his gaze, hovered over the rest of him now.

DAVE: You and him were...  
DAVE: I never realized.  
DAVE: Nothing personal but I would not have taken you for his type.   
DAVE: John was a lot of things but if he didn't end up locking himself away in his home until the end of time I sorta expected him to end up in a super vanilla marriage with another human and their 2.5 kids during which they hooked up only as often and as long enough to produce the 2.5 kids.  
DAVE: Spending the rest of his days raising his kids and developing some weirdly mundane hobby like lawn care or grilling.  
DAVE: I didn't think he had cross-species romance in him in even the most human-traditional of terms.  
TEREZI: TH3N YOU UND3R3ST1M4T3D H1M.  
TEREZI: 4ND FR4NKLY W3R3 NOT P4Y1NG V3RY CLOS3 4TT3NT1ON.  
TEREZI: TH3 CONC3PT OF FR13NDLY 4NT4GON1SM W4S N3V3R LOST ON H1M.  
TEREZI: 4ND OUR  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: S1TU4T1ON  
TEREZI: H4D ST4RT3D D3V3LOP1NG LONG B3FOR3 W3 R4N 1NTO ON3 4NOTH3R 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3.

This conversation felt weird, but not for the reasons you might normally feel weird discussing your sex life with your alternate timeline ex matesprit who was also close friends with your romantic partner. It takes you a moment to put your handprong on it, but when it hits you the realization leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. It feels like you are eulogizing him.

DAVE: So, you have a plan lined up for how you are going to bring him back?  
TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW.  
DAVE: You don't know?  
DAVE: You just gathered up his corpse just in case the opportunity to revive him presented itself?  
TEREZI: TH4T W4S P4RT OF 1T.  
TEREZI: TH3 MOR3 PR3SS1NG CONC3RN W4S K33P1NG H1M OUT OF D1RK'S H4NDS.  
JAKE: What on the various incarnations of Earth could Dirk want with John?  
KARKAT: BETTER QUESTION, HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW DIRK WANTED THE BODY.  
KARKAT: THAT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING OF A PRESUMPTION.  
KARKAT: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE MIGHT BE BROUGHT BACK, BUT YOU ASSUME DIRK HAD SOME USE FOR HIM?  
TEREZI: 1  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: H3 W4NT3D M3 TO COM3 TO H1S SH1P.  
JAKE: You mean to tell me you had a line of communication to Dirk? I didn't realize the two of you were so gosh darn close.  
TEREZI: 1T W4SN'T L1K3 TH4T.  
TEREZI: D1RK 1S ON SOM3 N3XT L3V3L R34L1TY W4RP1NG BULLSH1T.  
TEREZI: H3 D1DN'T T3LL M3 TO JO1N H1M. H3 JUST M4D3 1T S33M L1K3 TH3 N4TUR4L TH1NG TO DO.

Dave and Karkat exchanged a glance.

DAVE: Yeah we are somewhat familiar with Dirk's fuckery. We still don't entirely understand how he's doing what he is doing, but we know it's how he made off with Rose without Kanaya putting up much of a fight at the time.  
TEREZI: HON3STLY TH3 ONLY TH1NG TH4T STOPP3D M3 W4S TH3 F4CT TH4T 1 COULD S33 TH4T H3 W4NT3D TH4T OUTCOM3 WH3N 1 4LSO KN3W H3 H4D NO W4Y OF KNOW1NG WH4T 1 H4D.

That's not entirely true, something at the back of your mind tells you. It's deeply confusing to you because you feel fairly certain in what you just said. You try to shake it off, put a pin in it so you can examine that doubt later.

ROXY: i mean this sounds pretty out there but dirk did know that you had some sort of cargo you were keeping secret.  
ROXY: i could think of worse explanations at this point.  
JAKE: Are we at a point where we can take the corpse that is on the dinner table and put it back in storage?  
JAKE: It feels disrespectful to just be jawing at each other over the body of a friend.

You look to Dave and Karkat, knowing they have the most personal investment in John as best bro and former crush haver. They nod to you, and you return John's corpse to the wallet, which you place in your back pocket.

DAVE: Are you really going to keep him in your back pocket like that? Like, you'll be sitting on him whenever you sit down.  
TEREZI: H3 H4D NO COMPL41NTS WH3N 1 D1D TH4T TO H1M WH1L3 H3 W4S ST1LL 4L1V3.

You try to force a humorous cadence to your voice, but it comes out more wistful and nostalgic.

TEREZI: MOR3 1MPORT4NTLY G1V3N R3C3NT 3V3NTS 1 DO NOT F33L L1K3 L34V1NG TH3 W4LL3T ANYWH3R3 NOT ON MY P3RSON.  
TEREZI: 1 4M GO1NG TO WORK ON 4 B3TT3R, MOR3 S3CUR3 SOLUT1ON.  
TEREZI: BUT FOR R1GHT NOW, JOHN ST4YS S4F3LY N3STL3D 4G41NST MY S34T CH33KS.  
TEREZI: 1T 1S WH4T H3 WOULD H4V3 W4NT3D.  
DAVE: Alright I am learning far more than I intended about the late John Egberts sexual proclivities.  
Dave: I need to rest it's been real it's been fun it's been real fun I'm out.  
KARKAT: YEAH I NEED SOME PERSONAL TIME AFTER PULLING THIS AFTER-OFFICE-HOURS OVERTIME.  
ROXY: imma toss this tarp, disinfect the table, then get started on breakfast.  
KARKAT: IS ANYONE GOING TO WANT TO EAT?  
KARKAT: I DON'T THINK ANYONE HAS HAD ACTUAL SLEEP DURING OUR AGREED UPON SLEEP PERIOD WITH THIS WHOLE FIASCO GOING DOWN.  
ROXY: people still gonna be hungry tho.  
ROXY: if you want skip the coffee load up on pancakes and then go take a nap.  
TEREZI: H3Y WH4T DO YOU W4NT K4N4Y4 TO DO W1TH SYST3M?  
TEREZI: SH3'S ST1LL DOWN TH3R3 ON GU4RD DUTY.  
ROXY: shit forgot about that.  
JAKE: Why not take the prisoner to the brig?  
ROXY: there is a brig?   
JAKE: Of course there is a brig!  
JAKE: What kind of adventure vessels do you think I construct?  
JAKE: It is not ship construction amateur hour at Skaianet?  
ROXY: how is it that no one on the ship has seen this brig?  
JAKE: Well no one has had to be thrown in it yet!  
JAKE: And it's a little out of the way, in the back of the cargo bay.  
JAKE: Not exactly a high traffic area, which is by design.  
KARKAT: SO IF A PRISONER WERE TO ESCAPE, THEY WOULD HAVE IMMEDIATE ACCESS TO THE CARGO?  
JAKE: Not immediate.  
JAKE: There is a door beyond the cell doors.  
JAKE: And I'd say that's a spot bit preferable to them gaining access to the bridge, the engine room, or the armory.  
KARKAT: THERE IS A FUCKING ARMORY?  
KARKAT: WHEN DID YOU PLAN ON TELLING ANYONE?  
KARKAT: PARTICULARLY THE HEAD OF SECURITY?  
KARKAT: FORMERLY *YOUR* HEAD OF SECURITY?!  
JAKE: Uh...  
JAKE: When someone asked?

Jake gave the sort of shrug that made him a TV darling back on Earth C. 

ROXY: okay, i have breakfast to make, so jake you go downstairs, help kanaya put system in the brig, then after breakfast ur gonna give me a full tour of the ship, kapish?  
JAKE: Capisce, Captain.  
ROXY: terezi id give you leave from your duties but you don't really have any so uh  
ROXY: youre free to go do you.  
ROXY: we will let you know if anything develops.  
TEREZI: 1'M GO1NG TO GO L13 DOWN.  
TEREZI: T3LL K4N4Y4 1 4M SL33P1NG 1N MY R3SP1T3 BLOCK.  
TEREZI: PL34S3 DON'T W4K3 M3 FOR BR34KF4ST.  
ROXY: thats fair. ill save u a plate tho. i make some pretty killer pancakes.  
TEREZI: NOT3D. 

With that, you trudged from the room. With the mystery solved and John back in your possession, you were experiencing an adrenaline crash. Your body was reminding you that bedtime was hours ago and you instead got very upset and emotionally keyed up. Then you swung a blade a bit. Point being, your body is calling for you to pay your tab and they only take payment in sleep.

You make it back to your respite block. It's still a huge mess from System's search. You breathe a heavy sigh. There is no way you are going to be able to sleep while your respite block stands as a reminder of your anxieties. You try to ignore that thought. You lay down. You try to get comfortable. You try not to pay attention to the fact that your room is a crime scene and not in the fun way. You close your eyes. That helps not at all. You get out of bed and start the arduous process of putting your room back into a state of disorder that is more like what you are comfortable with.

You lose track of the hours. By the time Kanaya comes to check on you, you have mostly put your room back together. You are wearing her scarf as you work at the alchemy terminal to try to put together something that both will put your mind at ease but can be installed in your all-metal room without the assistance of construction drones.

TEREZI: OP3N DOOR.  
KANAYA: I Appreciate That You Enjoy That Scarf, But There Is Little It Can Do To Help Your Ensemble When You Forego Sleeping.  
TEREZI: C4N'T SL33P.  
TEREZI: CR3W M1GHT ROB M3.

Your voice comes out flat. You can't muster emotion right now. You are tired but also anxious. Even if you are not making any real progress on your task, spinning your wheels feels like doing something as opposed to doing nothing and doing nothing right now feels like inviting disaster.

You are aware of Kanaya's presence, but you still jump when she comes up and rests a hand on your shoulder. You jerk to face her. You do not know what you look like right now, but you can make some informed guesses based on Kanaya's reaction.

KANAYA: You Need Rest. No One Is Going To Come In Here. System Is Safely Locked Away And, Frankly, I Don't Think She Would Be Foolish To Make A Run At You Right Now.  
KANAYA: Not The Least Of Which Because I Am Here And Would End Her Where She Stood.

Kanaya glanced over her shoulder.

KANAYA: I Brought With Me A Platter Of Human Grubcakes. Roxy Insisted That You Would Be Hungry.  
TEREZI: 1 4M NOT.  
KANAYA: You Are Tired.  
TEREZI: 1 4M JUST BUSY.  
KANAYA: You Are Anxious And Trying To Quiet That Anxiety By Busying Yourself.  
KANAYA: But, You Are Also Too Tired To Be Productive.

Shit. You did not realize when you proposed entering into a pale relationship with Kanaya that she would be so consistently good at it. You let your hands fall from the controls of the alchemy terminal.

TEREZI: ST1LL C4N'T SL33P.  
KANAYA: Well You Are Not Going To Make Any Progress Sitting At Your Work Desk Now Will You?

Kanaya rolls your chair over to your human bed. You relent and just sort of... fall into bed from your chair, lying face down. Your legs are still dangling off the edge of your bed, and you kick your shoes off with some difficulty, making you wish you had taken time to alchemize new crocs. Your head is nowhere near your pillows but you can't be bothered to do anything about it at this point.

You are surprised when you feel a weight on your legs. Kanaya has climbed onto the bed with you and is straddling your thighs.

TEREZI: UHH  
TEREZI: 1 UHH  
TEREZI: 1'M PROB4BLY NOT GO1NG TO B3 UP FOR MUCH 1N TH3 W4Y OF  
TEREZI: CONCUP1SC3NT SH3N4N1G4NS  
KANAYA: No I Don't Imagine You Would Be.  
KANAYA: That Was Not My Intention.  
KANAYA: But As Always If I Am Doing Something You Would Prefer I Not, I Encourage You To Voice Your Objection Or, If Words Are Beyond You At The Moment, Signal To Me By Tapping On Me Or The Bed.  
TEREZI: K4N4Y4 1F W3 4R3 NOT GOING TO FUCK TH3N WHY WOULD 1-

Your voice catches in your throat as she places her hands on your back, putting pressure through her thumbs right about where your shoulders and back meet, on either side of your spine. You were not aware of how tensed you were until this moment. She made slow circles, and your sense of the room went... somewhere. It didn't quite go away, but the rest of the room, really anything other than you and Kanaya, became much more difficult to concentrate on. It is the closest thing you'd ever experienced to the sensation of being in the bath.

Kanaya worked her way up to your shoulders, pressing down firmly into them. You knew Kanaya was strong, but there was something impressive about her gentle yet firm application of that strength here. She finds a spot and work at it for a few minutes, and you could swear you could feel the fibers of your muscles relaxing and unlocking, knots that you've been carrying for years now just melting under the pressure of her touch. 

Her hands reach your skull, her thumbs at its base where it meets your neck one on each side of your spine. She put gentle pressure to this point, and you swear you are starting to *feel* colors in addition to smelling and tasting them. Sounds come from you that are more unseemly than ones you made when the two of you were actually having sex. Kanaya leans forward, whispering to you.

KANAYA: Is This Okay? This Is Not Too Much Pressure, Is It? I Can Be More Gentle If You Like.

You try to make words, but between the exhaustion, the sensations of the massage, and the fact that you are face down in your bed, it just comes out a muffled non-response, so you clarify by giving a thumbs up, about all of the movement you feel up to at the moment.

KANAYA: Would You Be Amenable To Me Perhaps Using A Bit More Force? It May Be, At Points, Somewhat Painful, But You Will Feel Better In The Aftermath.

You give a thumbs up with the other thumb. Two thumbs up, good to go. You are ready for whatever it is she has to dish out.

You become less sure of this as her hands move to either side of your head, palms flat against the sides of your head like it was some sports ball she was preparing to pass to a teammate.

KANAYA: I Understand That There Will Be Some Temptation To Tense Up As I Take Control Of Your Head. I Ask That You Do Your Best To Relax And Leave Your Head's Movement To Me For The Time Being.

You begin to think that mentioning it would make it more difficult to relax, but then you realize you were already tensing your neck. You do your best to relax. She presses on the sides of your head, but not enough for it to hurt. Then she lifts your head up and pulls it away from your spine. Part of you wants to panic, knowing that Kanaya likely has the strength to rip your head from your spine if she really intended, but honestly, if she had planned on murdering you she would have had far better opportunities. You fight down the anxiety response.

There is a pop in your neck. A good pop. You feel the release of pain you had carried so long you had forgotten it was possible to not feel it. She gently lays your head back down and runs her fingertips across your scalp, a mix of dull fingertip sensations and sharper nail sensations, both pleasant.

She continued on this way, working her way down your body, stretching your limbs just slightly further than you would be comfortable doing so yourself, notably skirting around making any sort of contact that could be interpreted as "Concupiscent Shenanigans." After popping your knees and ankles she pivots you on the bed, dragging your legs to the foot of the bed such that your upper body spun to be closer to the pillows. 

You find it in you to lift your head, depositing it onto a pillow, still facedown. Kanaya takes a heavy breath. This was something of a workout for her, you imagine. She stands, and it suddenly strikes you that she is about to leave, and the anxiety you had all but forgotten creeps back up your spine. You are feeling better now than you were before, but that feeling is threatening to walk out the door with your moirail. 

Your hand shoots out. Kanaya looks down to see you grasping the fabric of her skirt. There is a moment's pause while Kanaya processes what she is seeing. Her expression then goes from surprise to a softer expression. She sits back down on the bed, removing her shoes, then laying down next to you.

KANAYA: In Truth, I Am Already Rested From Last Night.  
KANAYA: That Said, A Little Mid Morning Nap Would Not Be Of Any Harm. I Have No Other Obligations At The Moment.

Her fingertips play over your back, firm enough to not be ticklish to you but still gentle nonetheless.

KANAYA: And If I Am Being Quite Honest I Find This Quite Enjoyable.

You are certain that she kept talking after that, but you were no longer awake to hear what she had to say.


	20. Chapter 20

It has been a few days since the System Incident. You eventually managed to install an acceptable safe under your human bed. You have no longer required Kanaya's presence to get to sleep, but that hasn't stopped you from enjoying it on more occasions than not. There are some times, sadly, where she has to be away attending to her new duties as Ship Administrator, a position that System had to be relieved of given that it is impossible for her to act in that role from the brig.

What to do with her in the long term was still a matter of debate. Karkat was unconvinced that she was no longer working for Crockercorp. Jake's opinion on the matter was pointedly not sought, as his biases were long since clearly established. He was surprisingly understanding on that particular matter. Roxy expressed deep discomfort with any highly punitive punishment for System, expressing sympathy for her position as yet one more person Dirk managed to successfully manipulate. For the time being, she remained in the brig, though she was furnished with better furnishings, the same meals as the rest of the crew, and even a personal shower set up in her cell. It had become more of a house arrest than anything. 

Your worries about your secret being found out seemed largely overstated, though the understanding reaction from the rest of the crew seemed at least in part informed by the antagonism you faced from both Dirk and System on the matter. It was still not a topic that came up in polite discussion. Everyone generally referred to John's corpse in the wallet as your "cargo" on occasions where it needed to be addressed, but once everyone had heard out your reasoning, it was generally agreed that, even if you could not find a way to revive him, it was generally a good idea to keep him on hand if only to not give Dirk what he wanted.

With that secret and its associated tension no longer looming over you, you have found it easier to interact with and be a part of the crew. This, of course, brings us to today, where you have volunteered to take over dinner duties for the first time since joining the crew. It is only fair that you chip in, of course. Everyone else has been taking turns. There was a polite insistence that it was totally fine and that you didn't need to worry yourself with kitchen duties, but you really wanted to help and be considered a member of the group and not an outlier. The crew did eventually relent, giving you a night to take your best shot at feeding everyone, but only under the condition that you have someone else in the kitchen who ate food on a regular basis.

Thus, why you and Dave are presently working together on putting together this meal.

DAVE: Alright so given that I know that no less than three of our fellow crew members have discussed with you typical human and troll nutritional needs and dietary tastes leading up to today  
DAVE: I can pretty certainly say, looking at this menu,  
DAVE: that you are fucking with me here.  
TEREZI: D4V3 1 4M SHOCK3D 4ND OFF3ND3D TH4T YOU WOULD 4CCUS3 M3 OF T4K1NG TH1S T4SK L1GHTLY.   
DAVE: You wrote down "R3D W1TH GR33N 4ND Y3LLOW 4S S1DES."  
DAVE: Like I get it you taste by color and see by scent but I know you know that foods have names.  
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 ST1FL1NG MY 4RT1ST1C V1S1ON.  
DAVE: Now I am offended.  
DAVE: If there is anyone on this ship that has the utmost respect for an individual's artistic expression,  
DAVE: it's your boy,  
DAVE: but Terezi I have known you for a long time and I think at this point I have a pretty good read when you are on your troll shit fucking with others.  
TEREZI: OH, LOOK WHO'S PL4Y1NG 1NV3ST1G4TOR.   
DAVE: Seriously though, have you put any actual thought into what you are going to do for this meal?   
DAVE: I mean I know initial prep is sorta dumb easy with being able to alchemize ingredients on the fly   
DAVE: but we need to start cooking soon otherwise we are going to have a hangry fucking crew.   
DAVE: If I have to deal with hangry Karkat you have to deal with hangry karkat.  
TEREZI: TH4T 1S 4 R34SON4BL3 PO1NT.  
TEREZI: NO ON3 W4NTS 4 H4NG4Y K4RK4T.

You stop and consider your options. It is not that you have put absolutely no thought into this up until now. It is more that you sort of hoped that inspiration might strike you once you were in the kitchen and surrounded by your tools.

TEREZI: YOU KNOW WH4T 1 H4V3NT H4D 1N 4G3S?  
TEREZI: OBLONG M34T PRODUCT?  
DAVE: ...what?  
TEREZI: COV3R3D 1N SP1CY M34T S4UC3 4ND CURDL3D D41RY.  
DAVE: Oh you mean like a chili dog?  
TEREZI: ON 4LT3RN14 TH3Y W3R3 NOT M4D3 FROM C4N1N3 LUSC11  
TEREZI: BUT 1 DO TH1NK W3 4R3 G3N3R4LLY ON TH3 S4M3 P4G3?  
DAVE: You wanna serve up chili dogs for dinner like some sort of 90s teenager memed into modern-day existence.  
DAVE: You know what?   
DAVE: Fuck it.  
DAVE: Let's prep some spicy weiners to feed our friends.  
DAVE: Though I'm going to insist we at least make some fries or something as a side.  
DAVE: Gotta have a vegetable.  
DAVE: And if fries are enough of a vegetable for my school back in the day  
DAVE: who the fuck am I to argue.

You set to work alchemizing oblong meat product and buns. Dave expressed some worry at the color of the buns, but you insist that they are the correct shade of green. 

DAVE: Okay look  
DAVE: I'll trust you on this only because they look at least vaguely like food   
DAVE: and I have begun to grow accustomed to everything rooted in Alternian culture having more legs than they should,   
DAVE: particularly when that number is 0.  
DAVE: That said, if Kanaya or System call this out as bullshit I am promptly throwing you under the many-legged vessel that I assume trolls use as a bus.  
TEREZI: TH4T WOULD B3 R4C1ST 1F 1T W4S NOT SO 4CCUR4T3.  
TEREZI: SO 4S1D3 FROM TH3 SP1CY M34T "CH1L1", WH4T 3LS3 WOULD YOU L1K3 TO TOP YOUR D3LICIOUS OBLONG M34T WITH?  
DAVE: Well the cheese is a given. I'd normally go with grilled onion too but I don't want risk killing someone.  
TEREZI: WH4T?  
DAVE: Oh maybe this didn't come up before you left on your epic search.  
DAVE: There is this vegetable called an onion-  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW WH4T 4N ON1ON 1S D4V3.  
DAVE: So you know trolls can't eat them.  
TEREZI: WH4T?  
DAVE: Yeah they are poisonous to trolls, so-  
TEREZI: D1D K4RK4T T3LL YOU TH4T?  
DAVE: ...yes?  
TEREZI: Y34H K4RK4T JUST DO3SN'T L1K3 ON1ONS.  
DAVE: He said he'd have to have his stomach pumped if he ever consumed even the slightest bit of onion.  
TEREZI: DO3S TH4T NOT SOUND L1K3 TH3 K1ND OF OV3RDR4M4T1C TH1NG H3 WOULD S4Y 4BOUT 4 FOOD H3 DO3S NOT L1K3?  
DAVE: Goddamnit.  
TEREZI: SO ON1ONS ON TH3 S1D3.  
DAVE: All this time he played me just so he could win an argument on pizza toppings.  
DAVE: He was all like "FUCK NO WE CAN'T HAVE THEM ON 'HALF THE PIZZA'! DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME DAVE? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?"  
TEREZI: Y34H TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 H1M.  
DAVE: Fuck.

Dave stopped and stood there, leaning on the counter, looking at the floor. Part of you does not want to delve any further. The matter of onions was not worth this much dramatic posturing, and you know Dave's Strider blood has an infinite well for dramatic posturing. You suspect your choices are to either prompt him further down this line of discussion or to watch him sulk for the next hour while you try to prepare dinner around him.

The choice is as obvious as it is irritating.

TEREZI: SO  
TEREZI: TH1NGS OK4Y W1TH YOU TWO?  
DAVE: HA!  
DAVE: Yes of course things are absolutely peak normalcy between us.  
DAVE: Just two bros kicking it on their trip through space.  
DAVE: Hanging out being together.  
DAVE: Totally just two bros.  
TEREZI: W41T.  
TEREZI: D1D YOU TWO BR34K UP?

That was maybe not the best thing to say. Dave looks like he was just stabbed in the gut.

DAVE: Ha  
DAVE: haha  
DAVE: Terezi you are a comedic genius.  
TEREZI: >:?  
DAVE: Broken up?  
DAVE: Nah, we're just what we've always been.  
DAVE: Good friends watching out for one another.

You turn away from the alchemical console. You don't really need for the benefit of your vision, but you need Dave to know he now has your full attention.

TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU TRY1NG TO S3LL M3 ON STR1D3R?  
TEREZI: YOU AND K4RK4T H4V3 B33N 4 TH1NG S1NC3 B3FOR3 TH1S VOY4G3 START3D.  
TEREZI: S1NCE B3FOR3 TH3 3ND OF TH3 SBURB S3SS1ON.  
TEREZI: 4ND 1 KNOW YOU D1DN'T BR34K UP B3FOR3 G3TT1NG ON TH3 SH1P.  
TEREZI: 1 COULD SM3LL YOU ON H1M WH3N W3 1NT3RROG4T3D HIM.

You have always appreciated the speed with which Dave could go from normal to blushing bright red. His embarrassment never fails to brighten your day at least a little bit.

DAVE: I  
DAVE: You  
DAVE: That's kinda fucked up you know that right?  
DAVE: We were just, you know  
DAVE: sitting on his bed together  
DAVE: Watching Earth C Netflix.  
DAVE: It's amazing the ship still gets the signal this far out.  
TEREZI: Y3S. JUST W4TCH1NG.  
TEREZI: 4ND LOW3R1NG TH3 T3MP-  
DAVE: It was NOT Netflix and Chill we were just watching documentaries!   
TEREZI: D4V3  
TEREZI: YOU C4N L13 TO M3 4LL YOU W4NT  
TEREZI: BUT YOU WON'T FOOL 31TH3R OF US.

Dave turned to face you, back against the counter now.

DAVE: Okay look.  
DAVE: Things have been weird alright?  
TEREZI: 1S H3 B4D 1N TH3 S4CK?  
DAVE: No he is not bad in the sack oh my fucking god why are we even discussing this-  
TEREZI: SO YOU *H4V3* SL3PT W1TH H1M.  
DAVE: ohmyfuckplease stop this conversation I want off.  
TEREZI: 1 M34N 1F YOU W4NT TO G3T OFF YOU SHOULD PROB4BLY B3 1N K4RK4T'S R3SP1T3 BLOCK  
TEREZI: NOT THE K1TCH3N.

Dave started to slowly slide down into a seated position on the floor. You begin to consider that perhaps you are pushing him harder than he is able to take at the moment.

TEREZI: S3R1OUSLY THOUGH   
TEREZI: 1F YOU W4NN4 POP OFF FOR 4 QU1CKY W1TH YOUR HUM4N MONOG4MOUS BOYFR13ND  
TEREZI: 1 C4N H4NDL3 TH1NGS H3R3 FOR 4 WH1L3.  
TEREZI: 1 WON'T T3LL 4NYON3 YOU L3FT M3 UN4TT3ND3D.

You approach him. His head is in his hands, elbows resting on his knees, all but curled up into a ball on the floor. 

TEREZI: C'MON TH4T L4ST B1T W4SN'T 3V3N M3 T34S1NG.  
TEREZI: SHOULD 1 GO G3T K4RK4T TO 3SCORT YOU B4CK-  
DAVE: JESUS FUCK NO!  
DAVE: Terezi I appreciate that you only have one setting  
DAVE: but please shut it the fuck off for right now!  
DAVE: fuck!

You recoil in surprise. You don't think you could have caused him to break harder if that had been your intention. You take a seat on the floor across from him. You kind of want to put a hand on his shoulder or something but you are worried that might be crossing a line right now. He looks incredibly guarded and drawn in. So, instead, you sit together for a quiet minute on the floor of the nutrition block. You can hear him steadying his breathing, counting to time himself.

After a while, he looks up at you through his dark lenses. His cheeks are streaked from tears he wiped away while his head was down, and you begin to realize how badly you've fucked up this conversation, though you are still deeply confused on the how.

DAVE: Okay so  
DAVE: that was maybe an extreme reaction that makes no sense but let me just  
DAVE: catch my breath for a sec.  
DAVE: *DEEP SIGH*  
DAVE: Okay so  
DAVE: Karkat and I have been  
DAVE: well  
DAVE: social media "it's complicated" for a while now.  
TEREZI: BUT  
TEREZI: ON TH3 M3T3OR  
TEREZI: TH3 HUM4N PH4LLUS DR4W1NG 3X3RC1S3S.  
DAVE: I know I know  
DAVE: It's just  
DAVE: This whole  
DAVE: liking guys thing, liking Karkat thing,  
DAVE: it was a major adjustment in my understanding of self, you know?  
DAVE: But it was easier for me to grapple with when it seemed like I was going into a battle I was likely not to walk away from.  
DAVE: Living life in the moment right?  
DAVE: Though we never like actually  
DAVE: you know  
DAVE: did it  
DAVE: because that would be like admitting that one of us was *going* to bite it in the final battle and that was even worse.  
DAVE: So we waited  
DAVE: and the battle came  
DAVE: and we won!  
DAVE: But, then we suddenly didn't have any pressing rush to address our simmering feelings.  
DAVE: So, we just sorta reverted to a sort of ill-defined close housemate sorta thing with minimal physical contact between us.  
DAVE: And that was us.  
DAVE: For years.  
TEREZI: Y34H TO B3 R34L 1 T3XT3D W1TH K4RK4T SOM3 BUT H3 W4S 4LW4YS SUP3R C4G3Y 4BOUT YOU TWO.  
TEREZI: PR3F3R3D TO COMPL41N 4BOUT L1T3R4LLY 3V3RYON3 3LS3.  
TEREZI: 1 JUST THOUGHT H3 W4S B31NG SHY.  
TEREZI: SO YOU H4V3N'T DON3 4NYTH1NG?  
DAVE: God I wish it was that simple.  
DAVE: I've been, like, trying recently.  
DAVE: We've been trying.  
DAVE: But there was an incident shortly before we left that has made things  
DAVE: peak fucking awkward.

It takes every fiber of your being not to say something snarky about how you are uncertain there are scientific tools capable of measuring what would qualify as peak awkward between the two of them.

DAVE: So, something did happen between us.  
DAVE: But  
DAVE: It wasn't entirely exclusively our idea.  
TEREZI: OH?  
DAVE: It turns out Dirk is more my bro than I maybe would have hoped.  
TEREZI: OH.  
TEREZI: Oh SH1T.

On some level, it isn't that shocking. You had felt some level of his influence on the events immediately after you and John had a similar moment, though not before. Looking back, you wonder if your time together had been untainted by outside narrative influence or if you just failed to notice it. Regardless, that Dirk would take such a direct interest and influence in Dave's sex life is both supremely creepy and, in hindsight, incredibly, disappointingly unsurprising. 

DAVE: So yeah after talking to Kanaya we realized what had happened right after we thought we had figured ourselves out   
DAVE: and it's been hyper fucking awkward ever since.   
DAVE: Every time we start to have a moment someone pulls a weapon on someone or someone gets called away on an interrogation or SOMETHING and I just  
DAVE: It has not been a good time.

TEREZI: SH1T  
TEREZI: 4ND TH1S WHOL3 T1M3   
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT YOU TWO W3R3 B31NG OBNOX1OUSLY   
TEREZI: PUBL1C W1TH YOUR D1SPL4YS OF 4FF3CT1ON.  
TEREZI: 1 W4S MOSTLY T34S1NG B3FOR3  
TEREZI: BUT 1F TH3 TWO OF YOU N33D SOM3 T1M3  
TEREZI: 1 R34LLY C4N COV3R TH3 M34L.  
TEREZI: 1 WON'T DO 4NYTH1NG TO TH3 FOOD TH4T W1LL G3T 3V3RYON3 4SK1NG WHY YOU W3R3N'T W4TCH1NG M3.  
DAVE: Wouldn't matter. Karkat would just be wondering why I wasn't doing my job.   
DAVE: He's probably doing security rounds and checking on System anyway.

You sit for another couple minutes in silence before you rise to your feet.

TEREZI: W3LL  
TEREZI: W3 ST1LL H4V3 D1NN3R TO M4K3.

You offer Dave a hand up. He takes it. He looks kind of a mess.

DAVE: Yeah.  
DAVE: Is it okay if I go wash my face real quick though?  
TEREZI: Y34H 1 GOT TH1S.  
TEREZI: 4ND D4V3  
TEREZI: 1F YOU W4NN4 T4LK MOR3 L4T3R  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW W3 4R3N'T L1K3 TH4T  
TEREZI: YOU KNOW  
TEREZI: P4L3 OR 4NYTH1NG  
TEREZI: BUT 1F YOU W4NT TO H4V3 4 STR1CTLY PL4TON1C FRI3NDLY F33L1NGS J4M.  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 C4N SW1NG TH4T.

To be honest it feels a little weird even as you say it, but Dave and Karkat's weird non-quadrant relationship dynamic puts both of them in an uncomfortable position of lacking others they can talk to when their relationship faces difficulties, and it is clear that Dave at the very least needs to talk to someone, and frankly given your shared history you are probably the best candidate.

DAVE: uh  
DAVE: Thanks.  
DAVE: I'll think on it.  
DAVE: I'm gonna go wash my face.  
DAVE: Be right back.  
TEREZI: 1 PROM1S3 NOT TO BURN 1T 4LL DOWN B3FOR3 YOU G3T B4CK.  
TEREZI: >;]

You do, in fact, avoid burning the nutrition block to the ground, despite the fact that it is well over an hour before Dave returns. By the time he gets back, you have largely finished the food preparation, leaving him to handle most of the dishes, a task that you had initially been enthusiastic to undertake until the rest of the staff made a rule against licking the dishes clean. Culljoys.

Initial reactions to the dinner were mixed. The humans were universally worried by the green buns until Kanaya reassured them that it was not a sign of mold growth or anything. But, once you got your hot meat in everyone's mouths, the crew's mood was significantly improved, and, while you were not seated near them, at the periphery of your senses, you noted Karkat and Dave sitting next to each other, Karkat seeming in a better mood than you had sensed him in at any point during the entire trip. 

ROXY: yo these are some righteous fucking dogs.  
ROXY: thank you for the hard work terezi.  
ROXY: MY PL34SUR3.

Kanaya and Roxy are trying to engage you in conversation, but you are only replying enough to ensure they feel they are being paid attention to. You are terminally distracted with the DaveKat Situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With November behind me and plenty of fic to write ahead of me, I think I am going to move to a bi-weekly update schedule. I feel like this is definitely doable while still being able to live a normal non-NaNoWriMo life. Right now I'm going to aim for Tuesdays as my update days. I will update the fic description to reflect this and will let you know if anything changes. Thank you for your support.


End file.
